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HELP...DD (2.9) screaming house down refusing to go to bed........dh losing it with her

(14 Posts)
Sunshine78 Mon 13-Jul-09 20:13:27

My dd is as I type screaming the house down. DH has just about lost it with her and has just lost his temper with her and is now holding her bedroom door shut (he is not letting me help) DD just will not go to bed (been going on for months tried the returning to bed without talking to her thing till blue in the face normally will only settle if I lay with her on our bed. She has been in and out of hospital since she was 1 and each time we just get her settled back at home we are in again - help please I'm in tears sad

RenagadeMum Mon 13-Jul-09 20:14:59

Poor you.

No advice but my thoughts are with you. Think maybe should tell your DH to go for a walk to cool off.

Sunshine78 Mon 13-Jul-09 20:18:26

darent go near him - never seen him this angry (he's not hit her just shouted) I'm just so tired and need an evening

gothicmama Mon 13-Jul-09 20:19:27

have posted on your other thread

gothicmama Mon 13-Jul-09 20:20:44

thought it might be easier if I posted them here
make your dh a cuppa and try and get him away from the door
your dh is not helping the situation explain to him it takes much longer to calm a hysterical child, if she is in and out of hospital it will be very different for her at home, who stays with her at hospital, they should teh person to do bed time routine at home and try and make both routines as similar as possible

RenagadeMum Mon 13-Jul-09 20:21:50

Perhaps go up with a cup of tea and try and diffuse situation.

Have had this with my DH. He reached the end of his tether with my DS who wouldn't sleep. In the end I sent him off to his friends house to sleep for 3 nights because couldn't cope with him angry and also deal with sleepless nights myself.
He came back a different person and was able to help in a non-ranty. Sleep deprivation and not having being able to relax in the evening is horrible if it is long term so I do really feel for you.

Mybox Mon 13-Jul-09 20:24:02

Take her away from the bed situation. Just let her be. If she wants to stay up then fine - tell her it's ok.

fruitstick Mon 13-Jul-09 20:26:15

Sunshine you poor thing, I have exactly the same problem with DS (3.3) and my husband often reacts in a similar fashion. Last night DS ripped the door of its hinge he was so wound up.

I'm sure if anybody knew the secret of getting a reluctant toddler to go to bed they would make an absolute fortune so I'm not sure what advice to offer.

I think your DH needs to step outside and calm down. I have been driven to similar fury and found that just walking to the end of the garden to hang the washing out (out of earshot of the tantrum) really helps.

Once everything has calmed down, I think you need to have a strategy to cope which is consistent and relaxing to DD. Obviously you don't need me to tell you that shouting and restraining is not the way to a peaceful bedtime but it is easier said than done when your LO is bouncing off the wall.

What I found works (although not all the time) is lay on the bed with her and then say you are just going to the loo and will be back. Go back a few minutes later, then say you are going to do something else. Hopefully this will keep her in bed but she will drop off..... or maybe not.

I think you either have a sleeper or you don't and I think there are thousands of parents going through the same thing as you every night.

Doesn't make it any easier though.

Sunshine78 Mon 13-Jul-09 20:28:35

ta for replies he's finally calmed down and they are cuddling on sofa - explained no way she would go to sleep the way she is. I stay with her in hospital and do routine at home (dh was in charge to night as I work from home) problem is when in hospital there is no routine (just impossible as docs always want to prod them at night) so altough do have routine at home think she is just scared to be on her own - in hospital it is just me and her in a private room (she is not allowed to mix so not allowed on ward near other kids)

gothicmama Mon 13-Jul-09 20:38:38

that make sit a bit harder but think abou things or smells you can have in both places so she relates them to sleep or perhaps but her a special toy (soft)that you sleep with a few nights so it smells of you, for her to have at home (sounds odd but it has been known to work)

RenagadeMum Mon 13-Jul-09 20:39:23

Glad they are having a cuddle.

I have a little boy who is often ill and in hospital. The problem is, just because they are ill it is percieved they are saintly and you should feel guilty if they wind you up.

Don't feel bad if she does drive you mad. She may be ill but she is still a child who is preprogrammed to drive you to insanity at times!

Take care.

Sunshine78 Mon 13-Jul-09 20:42:03

thanks renagade - I always feel so bad when we tell her off as she goes through so much. Think she finds it hard to distinguish between been in hospital and at home when rules have to apply as mummy cant give 100% attention.

Pyrocanthus Mon 13-Jul-09 20:58:47

I'm glad everyone's feeling better. Much as I like bedtime routines, I think she needs to be cut a lot of slack because of the hospital experience. Is she likely to be in and out of hospital in the future? Does it take long to settle her if you lie down with her? If you don't lose all of your evening, it might be best to go along with that for the time being.

Otherwise, perhaps try staying with her for a while when she goes to bed, then leaving her with a promise that you'll be back in 5 minutes. You might have to do this several times at first, but she might eventually nod off while waiting for you. Over time you could increase the intervals between your returns. It worked with my DD, but she didn't have the broken routine of the hospital visits.

Pyrocanthus Mon 13-Jul-09 21:02:34

Meant to add: good luck with the sleep and her health.

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