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Tantrums - think DS had his first today, how the hell do you deal with it??

(5 Posts)
oysterpots Tue 07-Jul-09 20:16:15

DS will be 2 in a fortnight, and totally lost the plot today. He's a bit under the weather, and usually only has his dummy in his cot to sleep (or if we want him to sleep on a car journey) but he's had it a bit in the daytime over the past few days as he's felt so unwell and been so scribbly.

He asked for his dummy at about 4pm, and I refused, saying it was only for sleeping. He went crazy - screaming (no tears to begin with, just howling but loads of tears mid-way through the tantrum), shouting, fist-waving, yelling 'NO NO NO NO!' at anything I suggested, wanting to hug me but pushing me away. Blimey! It was awful. I didn't give in but half way through wondered what exactly I was hoping to prove, and just thought maybe I should give him what he wanted. Was I just being stubborn? (I often am hmm)

Eventually I managed to distract him with a huge cuddle and CBeebies, although we did have a few relapses and I had to muster my very last scrap of patience.

So how do you deal with your DC's tantrums? What are the do's and don'ts? Help out a total tantrum amateur, please?!

thisisyesterday Tue 07-Jul-09 20:22:29

tbh in that particular situation, if he's still a bit under the weather i'd have just given him the dummy.

for tantrums in general I think the best thing you can do is just wait it out.
toddlers need to have their tantrum. once they've started you can't stop it, and they need to work through it. so be there for him if he wants a cuddle or anything, or to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. and just let him get through it by himself.

ilovetochat Tue 07-Jul-09 20:24:35

dd turned 2 this week and has been having tantrums for 3-4 months.
she has tantrums for 2 reasons and i respond differently to both.
if she tries to do something and fails (cannot do a puzzle, open something) then she gets very frustrated and tantrums, she loses control shaking and screaming. in this case i say im sorry she cant do it and try and help her and cuddle her and she accepts the help and i tell her she can things with help as she is only little and she cuddles me and carries on.
if she wants something and i say no or does something wrong and i tell her off she tantrums and i treat this totally different. i totally ignore her, never give in (as long as there was a good reason for saying no) and remove anything from her grasp that she shouldnt have/may break. then as soon as she stops crying etc i say thank you for stopping and cuddle her.
never hold a grudge.
i am hoping the phase passes soon smile

Doozle Tue 07-Jul-09 20:28:25

Agre with a lot of what's been said by thisisyesterday. Tantrums will always be their worst when their ill, tired or hungry.

At this age, you can't really reason with them so if you can distract them, then do so. It's amazing how bringing out balloons or bubbles when they throw a wobbly works wonders.

When they get older - ie.nearer 3, they are willing to listen a bit more and accept some reason.

Until then, do whatever you can to get through it. Pick your battles wisely, there's no point arguing over little things. But do stick to your guns on things that are important to you.

mollymawk Tue 07-Jul-09 20:30:28

I read a book by (I think) Tracy Hogg (the Baby Whisperer) who also suggests what thisyesterday and ilovetochat mention - just sitting there sympathetically ready to cuddle them when they have calmed down, not leaving them (as apparently sometimes they don't really understand their own emotions themselves).

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