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Advice please: 4yr old with "attitude" ...

(12 Posts)
shhhh Sun 05-Jul-09 19:50:15

Dd is due to start school in sept. Her 2 days in preschool see's her come home with blazing reports of good behaviour, polite and well natured. A credit to us...

But the days she is home she seems to be the opposite.Not all the time, she can be an angel and very loving and affectionate..

My main concerns are the "attutude". Im a sahm and dh works away most weeks. She tends to be fine with dh 90% of the time BUT with me (esp when dh home) she can virtually look straight through mesad.

I feel I have to ask her to do things or not to do things half a dozen times before she listens. Usually with a response of "I don't want to do that" or "why not" etc.

I get comments like "I don't like mummy", "I don't want to sit with you" etc. All quite upsetting for me. I had started a thread last week about her fondness for dh and wanting him to do everything for her and came out with the result that its because she knows I will be there regardless but I must admit Im finding it all hard..

My concern above the above I feel may be because of her due to start big school...

Could she feel its "mummy" who is sending her there..?
What can I do to turn the negatives into positives.

Its to easy for me to turn around and say "well I don't want to be your friend" in response to her comments...
In fact there are times in response to her I have played her off and its been to my success iykwim...

How do I play this..?

Claire2009 Sun 05-Jul-09 19:58:20

Dd is the same, but she's 3.5yo.
For a while now I've had "I'm not you're friend anymore" ..."Don't speak to me, I'm telling my friends of you" hmm ...."I want Daddy, I don't like you" etc etc...hmm

I'm a single Mum, so some nights when she is screaming at bedtime "I don't want to go to sleep, you're horrible, I want Daddy" is awful, so in a way I can understand you there. It's not nice and I've been told a lot recently "remember she's a baby still and doesn't know what she's saying is hurting you"..

When Dd does say she's not my friend/doesn't like me I tend to respond with "Well that's not very nice, I'm you're Mummy & i love you very much" she seems flummoxed by this and declares she is my friend again hmm

I think it is a phase tbh, I wouldn't have thought she'd see it as "Mummy sending her there" can you and your Dh have a chat with her about starting big school? Does she like playschool? Has she many friends from Playschool going to the same big school?

I'm calling Dd my "Three-nager" right now grin it is a difficult age. Worse than the terrible twos, that was just sitting down occassionally crying, this is awful!

weepootle Sun 05-Jul-09 20:00:02

I could have written this myself, dd1 is due to start school in sept as well and is exactly as you have described. I particularly know what you mean about looking straight through you.

My current tactic is to repeat myself 5 times every time I ask her to do something then I lose it and scream at her sad. I seem to spend the whole time telling her off then I feel so guilty when she's in bed.

No help to you, but at least you're not the only one smile.

In fact my dd takes things a stage further and enjoys telling me that she wishes x's mum were her mum as she's prettier etc sad (x's mum isn't prettier btw grin). She also loves to tell me when she doesn't like an outfit I'm wearing, although this just makes it all the more special when she tells me she does like something!

weepootle Sun 05-Jul-09 20:02:12

Claire, I agree that 3 is far worse than 2 but I'm afraid to tell you that 4 is worse than 3 sadgrin.

shhhh Sun 05-Jul-09 20:04:59

I agree claire, its awful when they are like this.

Im glad (in a nice way..) that there is another one going through all this...

Dd is the same when she says "I don';t want to kiss you", I now reply "ok, I don';t want a kiss" to which she looks and says "oh I do want a kiss" grin. I guess play them at their own game.

Sorry to hear though that as a single mum you are also hearing the same. I find it hard BUT I have dh to sound off at.. Can't being to feel what you go through.sad.

Claire2009 Sun 05-Jul-09 20:06:40

Omg, Please NO 4yo's can't be worse than 3yo's!!! shock grin

What about, difficult toddler, easy teen?

I'm keeping myself going with that! blush

Ds is 2, so it's all to come from him, unless this is just a girl thing...hmm

Claire2009 Sun 05-Jul-09 20:08:09

Weepottle, Dd dresses herself & so far she's not told ME what to wear/if she likes it or not grin she does however change her mind and want to wear a dress at random times throughout the day hmm

shhhh Sun 05-Jul-09 20:15:28

I also have a 2yr ds claire..hope it doesn't rub off onto him..hmm.

weepootle..<mwaahh> you are me grin.

Thats exactly what I wrote on my last thread:

"My current tactic is to repeat myself 5 times every time I ask her to do something then I lose it and scream at her sad. I seem to spend the whole time telling her off then I feel so guilty when she's in bed."

This is me most nights. I have tried recently to reduce the shouting I do but I still get the "look" hmm. In fact tonight I asked "x don't do that" (repeated x6 approx) then "X" To which I got her attention..hmm.

Claire I like your new name for them btw, im sure dd is 4 going on 14..hmm.

dd is also another for choosing what she wants to wear, must admit though I haven't had any bad comments yet. Do get nice ones though..ds is the best "oh what a lovely dress mummy" grin.

Claire2009 Sun 05-Jul-09 20:18:01

Ahh how sweet is your Ds!

My 2yo Ds doesn't talk very much, but he's a great at throwing himself on the floor and just lying there, right lump to pick up blush he done it in town the other day, I stood next to him waiting for him to get back up.

I get the look too, big frown and nasty look from her, she's big dark eyes and it's just me straight off, even I can see that blush

shhhh Sun 05-Jul-09 20:50:25

Dh says the same about me&dd. To alike..hmm. Says she is feisty,highly strung and a string character..like me..she also knows what buttons to press and how to wind me up..like..dh hmm.

Poor kids eh!

Yeah, ds is such a cutie. He speaks quite a bit and is so cute what he comments on thing. Things you don't think he notices.smile.

Livvigirl Sun 05-Jul-09 21:51:17

OMG - I came on here as a last resort, my girl is exactly the same - she is 5 at the ned of September and she is a nightmare at the moment. We went to an advernture playground today, and had to leave after 10 minutes - she was playing up! I think she is ready for school, my girl seems "too big for her boots" if you know what I mean, she thinks shes the parent, and I like to think that I am strict, but obviously not enough, I don't know how to handle this? Full time Nursery Monday to Friday???? I don't think there is an answer, but I am comforted that it is not just me that's having this problem x

shhhh Sun 05-Jul-09 22:26:00

I can totally see and agree with your comment "to big for her boots"...

My comments to dd are "just wait till you are in school...you will get such a shock" although I know she just thinks "mummy, what are you on about" grin.

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