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I feel like crying .......

(4 Posts)
xmummy Tue 30-Jun-09 19:20:35

Where do I start - it is not just about potty training, but my sons behaviour...

My DS is 37 months and goes to nursery 3 days a week - he has been potty trained for a while and was doing very well - with the odd regression but going well on all fronts.

He has now gone from pooing once a day in the toilet to peeing himself infrequently and pooing himself 2-3-4 times a day - the poos are quite loose. I dont really know what to do - we have done sticker charts etc and work temporarily but not long term.

The nusery are worried and said maybe I should talk to the doctor about it particularly as his poos are loose - they were never that firm but more firm that they are currently.

Can anyone tell me if this is a phase or if there is actually something wrong with him physiologically - I am at my wits end to be honest?

Here is the behaviour bit.......

The nursery are also concerned about his behaviour - they say he is an angel with one on one or small groups but incites his friends to behave badly when he is in a large group - they say he also has a very short attention span for anything that does not fully interest him. He is the oldest in his group and is due to move to preschool at the nursery next month (I dont know if he is bored by the younger kids or not). They say he doesnt listen and is being repremanded more and more for this behaviour (I do like the nursery overall and feel confident about their techniques).

Today he was particularly bad and - they had a fish and live crab for a key stage learning activity - he thrashed the fish (it was already dead) against the wall trashing it and pulled the legs off a live crab (I have never seen him behave quite so aggressively as he has today) - they also said he was pushing and encouraging his friends to misbehave.

The nursery asked me what I thought and I wonder if the potty problem is connected to the behaviour at all. I told him off rather sharply today for being naughty this morning - I was very cross (maybe too cross) and wonder if this caused it?

They also mentioned that maybe I should take DS to the doctors for behaviour problems - they cited an example of another child getting a vitamin supplement which calmed him down - this scared the living daylights out of me. Overall I truly believe my son to be a kind, loving and caring little boy (which the nursery voluntarily agreed with) - he is however very very energetic and into everything and does tire me out - but I have never seen him as a child with ADHD or anything like that as he is not aggressive etc

To be honest I am having a rather rough time of it myself and although I am trying my best to be a good, calm and centred mom - I am getting cross very easily at the minute and infact and trying to seek help for depression from the NHS - as feeling very low and feel exceptionally tired - but I keep trying to keep positive for the sake of myself and my family - but it is hard. My partner thinks that my sons behaviour has worsened since I have been feeling so low emotionally and getting angry.

I am so sorry I have babbled on for so long - but I am finding it hard to isolate what the various causes might be and wondered if anyone had any thoughts or experiences they could share

I would be really grateful to hear from you
Thanks xx

Barmymummy Tue 30-Jun-09 21:22:29

Hi, didn't want your post to go unanswered.

Post this on the special needs board as there are lots of behavioural issues on there that might ring home with someone. Worth a try, we are a lovely bunch, xx

jeffily Tue 30-Jun-09 21:41:45

Hi xmummy
DD is only 13 weeks old, so I can't offer you any words of experience, but I read your post and just wanted to send you a ((hug)).

It sounds like you are really going through a tough time and you need to take it easy on yourself. Your son will not suffer long term if you have a low period and it sounds like you are doing really well in trying to sort it out. As someone said to me on here, when I was beating myself up about crying in the evening, by identifying the problem and trying to sort it out, you are showing that you are a fantastic mother.

As for the behaviour bit, he is very young for you to be worrying about taking him to the doctors about it. I teach Reception Class when I am not a mummy and I would suggest that it sounds like he is not stimulated enough. Why should he have a long attention span for things he is not interested in at his age? I am not suggesting that the nursery is not good, but it IS their job to provide activities that he does enjoy and that meet his learning needs. Let me tell you that 100% of my Reception class find it difficult to listen! grin

I would always say to any parents I had to talk to about behaviour at school that it had been dealt with at school and there was no need to punish any further at home, but I think I would have been very shocked by what he did today and I think you were right to tell him off for that. He needs to understand that there is a difference between breaking rules (eg not listening) and doing things that are actually wrong (eg deliberately hurting living creatures).It sounds like he may be testing out boundaries generally at nursery, quite normal as he gets to the older part of the class, I would often see this towards the later part of a school year.

As to the poohing/weeing thing, does it only happen at nursery? could you explore whether it is something about the toilets that he is frightened of? (one of the little ones in my class started doing this once because a spider had moved into the corner of the loo and he was scared of them!) It could perhaps be a control thing, if he is bored at nursery or worried about something then the poohing and weeing is something he can control - and there are not many of those things in a little person's life!

I don't know whether any of this is of any help, but I do hope that it makes you feel a little better. I am sure I don't need to add this, (and I haven't been there myself yet, so goodness knows how I will cope with it when I am!) but I just wanted to say I think it is important that he knows that you love him, and that he is a good boy, exactly as you say in your post, but that you don't like the behaviour that he is displaying.

Oh, I really feel for you! I do hope that someone more able to give good advice comes along soon. You are doing really well, I am sure!

xmummy Wed 01-Jul-09 21:36:50

Thank you so much for your bump barmymummy and your wonderful message jefilly - your message really meant a lot to me and allowed me to see things a bit more clearly - I still feel low - but not as bad as yesterday - your professional opinion was a light at the end of a dark tunnel for me - so thank you.

I was too scared to tell my partner what the nursery said but I spoke to him tonight and he agreed that the nursery is worrying too much as we and no one we associate with thinks our DS has a problem - he is going through a phase, but also reacting to me being down, negative and inconsistent.

I am going to speak to the nursery today and speeding up his move to pre school - my partner said he went very silly the last time he was due for a move - so I think you are right Jefilly!

I have been calmer today and am getting some joy from my gp, which is positive - I think yesterday was a very bad day I dont want to revisit - so I think this has helped my son and he was much better behaved at nursery today - yipee!

Re the toilet - he only had one accident at nursery, so I gave him an ice lolly as a reward and spent time with him when we got home giving him cuddles - he then asked to do a poo on the potty - so I gave him a sticker and a chocolate button as a reward and he was happy - so fingers crossed things are improving.

He still seems to be doing lots of poos and I am wondering if there is anything wrong with his tummy - but we will just keep an eye on it and see

Thank you again for your concern - it really helped me put things in perspective - and if I can ever offer any baby advice in return - please yell!

xmummy

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