My HV annoyed me so much, tell me to chill out please...(39 Posts)
She came yesterday to do a developmental check on ds who is 2.5. He has had quite a few ear infections recently so she wanted to see if everything was ok. I said I had no worries about his development but that I was happy for her to do the check.
So she arrived and got out some toy blocks. Ds was playing with some playdough fish I had made him and really did not want to build a tower out of blocks, so I started to build one as a way of encouraging him.
"No mum, it has to be HIS OWN tower"
"Well I know, I was just trying to get him to join in with me.."
"No it has to be all his own work"
I thought she was spectacularly missing my point but shut up from then on as she failed to engage his interest with ANY of the things she had brought with her and then marked him accordingly as not able to do them. He wouldn't brush the dolly's hair (we don't own a hairbrush as ds is still a bit short on the old hair), he wouldn't do a colour matching game despite having known his colours for a year, he wouldn't do the shape buzzle despite knowing all his shapes for over six months etc etc. At one point she said in a worried tone "Oh, he seems to have gone backwards since I last saw him.."
At the end of the test I ventured to suggest that the test was quite a blunt tool, as he DID in fact know all of the things she was testing but wasn't really engaged.
"Ah, but we have to do it the same or it wouldn't be fair.."
She then suggested he needed to go to a group in order to encourage his speech. I refused as I do not think he has ANY problem with his speech. FGS at one point she said "Has he got seven words?.." in a tone of great incredulity. He had said more than that to her in the first thirty seconds she was there.
It was her attitude that really bothered me, she seems determined to find something wrong.
But given the fact that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter, why am I so riled? Is it because he is my pfb?
I would imagine this happens quite a lot, surely kids don't just perform like bloody seals on demand, especially if they don't attempt to engage them! My dd was great during her check, but then the HV was extremely enthusiastic and dd developed an affinity with her straight away, especially as she was praising her so much.
If you're not concerned, I wouldn't worry too much about it. We actually went to see the HV at a local clinic, I'm sure if my dd had been surrounded by her own toys at home she would have been much less obliging.
I'd love to see a developmental check on some HVs I've met - I have no doubt they'd 'fail'
Have to say, I've had dealings with about 4 HV's since having my DC's and only one of them was any good. The other 3 gave me awful advice, made me feel useless and were just added pressure I didn't need.
I'm sure others have had much better experiences than me though
ooh I'm glad I haven't had DS "developmentally checked" if that's what it's all about. My DS never performs on demand, even if it's just showing his godparents how good he is at animal noises - he's contrary like that! He doesn't "do" building things either - he likes knocking them down far more.
(mind you he is only 18.5mo)
My dd is very shy with adults she has not met before. Unless I had got down & played withthe things the HVwanted her too she would never have done anything. Plus she wouldn't talk to the HV, Yet was babbling away to me. Luckily my HV was human & took all of this in her stride & gave dd a glowing report. Sounds like your HV doesn't have a very good affinity with children, wouldn't be surprised if all the children she reviews "fail"
I am always amazed by these HV threads. My dd has never had any checks whatsoever after first home visit. I wouldn't even know how to contact a hv. The local clinic is closed down and I haven't had any communication for 2 and a half years. They just haven't featured in my parenting experience.
at your HV. At dd's 2 year check we went to the clinic and HV didn't try to get her to do anything. Just watched her a bit while chatting to me.
Have to admit I was worried that I'd get a HV like the one you've had but this one was very much "If you're happy, we're happy".
I reckon yours has had tick box training:
"Can candidate put blocks in front of 2 year old?" [tick]
"Can candidate remember to use NO common sense?" [tick]
DS hasn't been cheked, but don't doubt he would 'fail' becuase he is also quite contrary and needs to be engaged.
He failed 1st couple of hearing tests because he just wasn't interested in the crappy little rattle the tester lady was waving around
Thanks - you are making me feel much better!
I now know that she WAS annoying
He couldn't say his colours at eighteen months but he could point to the right one.
What a ridiculous attitude (your HV, not you!) Ours just asked us if our son could do the various things at his 18-month check. He's another one who doesn't 'perform on cue', but she was happy enough to just watch what he was doing (mostly, if I recall, running up and down the house shouting 'zooooom!') - a relief for me because she turned up with only one day's notice and I'd heard tales of tower-bulding tests and panicked in case I should have been coaching him
You know your son. If you're not worried, forget about her - she sounds pretty useless. maybe she needs to go to a group to encourage her interacting-with-kids skills
Oh come on, she's a halfwit.
Ignore the donkey, there won't be any follow up on this.
I can't imagine her opinion is worth anything back at base.
DS (2y2m) has just had his today. He helpfully refused to speak to, interact with or even look at the HV, preferring to wacth CBeebies . She seemed fine with it, checked eventually that he could say a few words and some basic understanding, but took my word for it that he was talking in sentences and understands almost everything. No block building or anything like that required!
The only thing I was a bit about was she told me I should start potty training! I have bought him a potty, we've talked about it, we sit on the potty and make ssss sounds, he tells us when he's had a poo (afterwards) which we encourage him for and tell him it would be wonderful to tell us in advance - don't know what more we can do without going down the proper 'training' route, which I don't want to do at his age.
She sounds shocking!
When DS had his 2year check he did most things straight off but refused to look at her books and point things out so she asked him to point out things in the room instead.
When he wouldnt point out features on the doll she got him to do it on me.
She said aslong as he did them it didnt matter if he used her tests or not.
Anything he would do at all she just asked us whether he could and did do them and was happy with our answers.
I would just ignore her, you know your DS and his capabilities and I am sure you would seek help if you felt it nessesary.
I think HVs in general are a waste of space (I know there is some fab ones out there but they seem few and far between) and all their "advice" and opinions should be taken with a pinch of salt
She sounds like a bit of a twat.
In my neck of the woods the HVs are satisified with the parents telling them that the Dcs can do the stuff.
Not all children will perform on demand.
When I hear stories like this it makes me think that some HVs haven't actually ever met a toddler.
I wonder how you can get any sort of objectivity for a test in a home environment. Yes, it's useful to see their 'normal' behaviour... but if that includes playing with their own things or even being worried about strangers in the home then it's no good.
DD did hers at the health centre... and did so the whole performing seal thing. Little show-off. At home she would have been murder!
not sticking up for hv but on the other side of things my ds was found at this age to have ASD as he wouldn't engage couldn't do something unless shown hence the don't build it for him its to see if understanding instruction and if can do the task
my ds would copy whatever anyone else done and had limited understanding so i know you were probably feeling quite riled but its really important for her to witness tasks and understanding of child without any intervention
if you have no worries then great we did have an inkling something wasn't right although he was extremely bright with numbers shapes and letters his speech was delayed and understanding of demands etc were delayed
so i know she has annoyed you but for the likes of me it was important that they were so vigilant but as i say if you have no worries then don't worry she was just doing her job
and if i was honest i actually didnt notice that he couldnt do these things as he was copying me i thought he was just doing it iyswim so if id said yes all is fine and she took my word on it he wouldn't have had the early intervention that he did and made such huge progress
My DS1 refused to do any of the tasks at his check but as HV was doing a check on DD he got all the stuff out of her bag and did all that was asked for in the order she had tried to get him to do it. I laughed but HV told me he would be a really difficult toddler. He turned out to be the worlds easiest toddler and is still easy (He's 12 now)
I'd tell her you don't need her to visit you any more thank you.
You lot make me feel much better.
I do see your point Starlight but I also felt that if I did take up the place I would be taking it from a child who actually needed it.
Good luck in getting some help for your ds.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.