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non-conformism (again). Am wondering if ds (3) might just be feeling shy?

(5 Posts)
deaconblue Wed 24-Jun-09 21:15:49

Have posted stressing over ds' non-conformism plenty of times. He really doesn't like to do anything anyone else is doing. so if a group of children are being encouraged to listen to a story at nursery, he will choose to paint. If it's painting time, he will sit in the story corner. He plays happily with other children but prefers not to join in "organised" activities.
Anyway was watching him on holiday while dd joined in the cheesey kids disco. Ds was transfixed, he inched towards the others a tiny bit at a time, then backed away a bit, then moved closer etc. He eventually got to where the others were when the entertainment woman tried to hold his hand and he did a runner.
It's made me look at the whole non joining in thing so differently. I think maybe he would like to join in but can't work out quite how to.
Anyone got any ideas/experience?

strawberryplanter Thu 25-Jun-09 01:56:09

Stop stressing, he's only 3!

My 3 yo ds was v shy but started pre school and he's got more and more confident.

Does he give you plenty of eye contact? Speak? What does his nursery say about him?

Arrange plenty of playdates, get him out in the fresh air, get him involved with other dc through activities eg trampolining etc.

CarmenSanDiego Thu 25-Jun-09 04:53:35

Isn't parallel play normal at this age? That is, children playing alongside each other, maybe doing different activities, but at the same time.

I'm quite a big fan of Montessori for encouraging this. One child can be doing a jigsaw while another is doing a counting problem but they can chat while they work.

As they get older, they work on more projects together but at this age, it's much more individual. This does sound quite normal for a three year old.

VictorVictoria Thu 25-Jun-09 09:28:39

This sounds VERY like my DS (4 next week). He eas exactly like this at nursery until well over 3 although now he does join in. But he is still wary (to say the least) of birthday party entertainers etc and I have spendt a few parties with him on the sidelines looking as though he would love to join in but just being too apprehensive about the entertainer (or similar). I cant deny that I have worried about him. But I think I have mainly put my fears aside as in the main he is a happy, sociable little thing who likes his friends and talks about them and plays quite happily in most circumstances.

NightShoe Thu 25-Jun-09 12:30:09

Or maybe he was just watching and didn't actually want to join in, thus doing a runner when the entertainer tried to get his hand? My DD is 3 and she could certainly be described as non-conformist, I think she just doesn't like following the crowd so to speak, she is definately not shy, just not bothered if she does what she wants to do when everyone else is doing something different. That includes sometimes just watching what is going on.

This also depends on who is there, a few months ago at swimming, the group leader said that as DD didn't want to do what everyone else was doing that she wasn't getting much from the lessons. However I knew that she was doing what everyone else was in the lessons, just not at the same time. Fast forward to now and she can swim 3-5 metres without any kind of float ever since we changed teachers to one who didn't expect them all to be doing the same thing at the same level at the same time and she is highly engaged with everything that is going on.

I encourage her choice in things though, I think non-conformity at 3 years old rocks! She has about 80-90 years of doing what she is supposed to.

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