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Toddler behaviour is regressing

(5 Posts)
Daffodilly Mon 22-Jun-09 20:46:47

DD is 2.7 and recently driving me bonkers! She is regressing in lots of ways - won't feed herself, lies on the floor and claims she 'can't get up', won't do things for herself that she previously could, constantly says 'I can't' or 'I don't know how' to simple things.

I also have a DS 5 mths and thought she'd adjusted well to having a sibling. I can understand this may be a late reaction - or just being 2! Either way in combination with constant whinging it is driving me mad....

Any ideas for how I deal with it (while I PRAY for this to be a short phase)?

MogTheForgetfulCat Mon 22-Jun-09 22:39:44

My DS1 is 3.4, and I thought he'd adjusted well to having a baby brother (DS2 is 1.4) - in some ways he has, but in other ways he's still dealing with it, I'm sure. Just the other night he said he was a baby and couldn't stand up to put his pyjama trousers on, and once or twice he's said he wants to wear nappies, even though he's been potty trained for about 9 months!

He also asked for breastfeeds a lot when DS2 was little, even though I'd stopped bf'ing him (DS1) at 12 months. I used to let him lie down and try, knowing that he would no longer be able to do it, and figuring that this was the quickest way for him to get bored with the the whole idea. Seemed to work OK... For things like not being able to get up, I just say "Yes you can, you're a big boy!" in very jolly tones - or ask him to do something that he likes doing that requires him to get up, like going down his "fireman's pole" (the corner of our bed). I also tend to talk up the fact that he can do lots of exciting things that DS2 can't do, because he is a big boy. Maybe get your DD involved in helping to care for her baby brother (fetching nappy cream or cotton wool, or whatever) in a way that makes her feel a bit grown up and responsible, with tons of praise for how much help she's being?

If DS1 said he couldn't feed himself, I'd be inclined to say "OK, then" and leave him to it - he'd pretty quickly get over that one, I would think. But the associated whinging would be hard to take...

Hmmm, not sure I've helped. Am sure it will be a phase - do hope it's a short one for you.

morningsun Mon 22-Jun-09 22:50:06

I think although its tempting to want them to be grown up all the time its better to approach it from the other angle of saying "I'll help you now" and You are my baby " etc and lots of fun and reassurance!It will probably pass quicker then anyway cos she wants to be your baby again even for a few minutes so if you keep saying to be a big girl it might carry on forever!
Only joking nothing carries on forevergrin

Dysgu Mon 22-Jun-09 23:10:31

My DD1 is going through this 'phase' too right now. She is 2.9yo and I have a 6 month old too. That does seem to be the common denominator here!

She 'can't do it' about all sorts of stuff - get up, pull up her knickers, feed herself, get a book ... could go on.

I find it easiest to help her out if I can't distract her. I do go on about all the fun stuff she can do that DD2 can't. I make out that DD2 is jealous of all the fun things DD1 can do and say stuff like "No DD2, you are only a baby. You can't do [whatever] until you are a big girl like DD1."

DD1 is VERY keen on being a big girl - so I sometimes get them 'mixed up' and treat the baby like a big girl and vice versa. That is a sure fire way to get DD1 telling me "No, I am the big girl." and it usually involves lots of laughing and getting out of the whine.

Sometimes i do worry that I am taking it too far and that DD1 and I are almost a little 'clique' that leaves DD2 out - but then, DD1 spends two sessions with a CM each week and two afternoons at pre-school, so I justify it that DD2 does get her 1-1 time.

This too shall pass...

Daffodilly Tue 23-Jun-09 21:39:53

Thanks for all the replies. I guess I just need to bite my tongue and try to stay patient.

I do understand some of why she is doing it. It is just so frustrating for her to stop doing things she is perfectly capable of right when I need her to be doing as much as possible herself. If I hear "I caaaaan't do it..." once more - grrrr!

I find myself torn between going along with her being a "baby" and wanting to say "you are a big girl". I suppose whatever gets me through eh?

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