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You know the film Problem Child .....well my dd2 is that child,help.

(26 Posts)
Beauregard Sun 21-Jun-09 21:18:43

We are struggling to control her.

Beauregard Sun 21-Jun-09 21:32:44

She is 3.6 months
Has always been unruly tbh but it has now reached the point where non of us know what to do.We cannot relate to her or understand her.She is very physical ,destructive and will always do the opposite in any situation.She recently ruined a family holiday because we couldnt go or do anything without constant tantrums.Everything is an issue for hersadshe is my little girl ,i dont enjoy spending each and every day shouting and struggling to parent her.She is always crying because she is always in trouble.We have tried the naughty corner and stickers and they dont seem to work.We really need some advice.

MogTheForgetfulCat Sun 21-Jun-09 21:44:15

So sorry to hear this. I posted something similar about my DS1 earlier and have had no replies yet, which I feel crapola about, as I am feeling very anxious and end-of-tetherish about him. So I didn't want your post to go unanswered, even though I have no advice. Hopefully someone else will have some that I can use for my DS, too...

Beauregard Sun 21-Jun-09 21:49:11

Thanks Mog
It is pretty hellish isnt it

Grammaticus Sun 21-Jun-09 21:50:08

Health visitor?

Beauregard Sun 21-Jun-09 21:50:08

I am going to resort to the HV if noone replies and thats drastic.

Beauregard Sun 21-Jun-09 21:57:53

Physically it is also difficult to handle her because she is very tall for her age,more like 5 year old.She is also very clumsy and can really hurt when she wants to,especially when she throws whatever is to hand at the time.She has even bitten dd1 a few times.
It is truly like Horrid Henry in our house with dd1 being Perfect Peter.

MogTheForgetfulCat Sun 21-Jun-09 22:12:21

I am v lucky in that my HV is absolutely wonderful, and I am going to give her a ring tomorrow. She has helped us in the past with DS1, but we seem to have reached another impasse. Am also going to try to schedule in some 1-to-1 time for me and DS1 - who I think is still v jealous of DS2 (1.4) - regularly to see if that helps, as he is v clingy to me and needy with me, whilst at the same time seeming furious with me a lot of the time. V confusing and wearing sad

DS1 tried to bite me the other day, Pelvicfloornomore, and has bitten DS2. Also pinching, throwing things, scratching. He is like a wildcat when he gets going. Sigh.

Beauregard Sun 21-Jun-09 22:16:51

Good luck with that then Mog,you are lucky to have a good HV.
Is your ds destructive ?
My dd will break anything ,draws on walls,floors,scratches leather sofas,.Typical of my dd is if you had a group of children all colouring,my dd would be the one breaking and eating the crayons.

MogTheForgetfulCat Sun 21-Jun-09 22:38:54

Not generally destructive as such - will throw things, including food. Sometimes things break, and if he's in a real temper he will try to break things, but not all the time. But I know what you mean about your DC being the odd one out in a group - which is why I worry so much about how he will get on at school (2010) and whether he will be the "nasty boy" that other parents tell their children not to play with. Sounds defeatist, but he has been so difficult for so long that I can't see it changing any time soon. Really hope I'm wrong...

Beauregard Sun 21-Jun-09 23:07:35

Bump before bed

Pyrocanthus Sun 21-Jun-09 23:29:49

Don't have anything much to add but sympathy. Mog may have hit the nail on the head by suggesting that her ds might still be struggling with the arrival of ds2 (saying that he's 'furious with me' rings bells for me) and one-to-one time might help. Worth also trying for Pelvicfloornomore's (can't think of a friendly abbreviation) younger dd? But perhaps her sister is at school anyway and you've tried that...

Sorry. Health visitor.

mrsruffallo Sun 21-Jun-09 23:36:46

Is this article any help?

Beauregard Sun 21-Jun-09 23:46:36

Sorry that article doesnt make much sense to me but thankyou.

Pyrocanthus-My other dd is indeed at school.

mrsruffallo Sun 21-Jun-09 23:50:07

Thanks for reading it anyway, pelvic. You must be exhausted. You end up feeling like it's not worth going out and doing nice things when a child behaves like this.
I thought what the article was trying to get across was to go with the flow of what they want to do sometimes instead of getting trapped in the power struggle of discipline/ defiance.
Please excuse me if I am rambling, must sleep soon
I wish youluck

Beauregard Sun 21-Jun-09 23:56:11

Thats exactly it mrsruffallo and thankyou for replying.

meandjoe Mon 22-Jun-09 07:57:50

I have no advice but thaty article made a lot of sense to me mrsrufalo, it's very true that we all want our kids to calm down and behave but it's easy to forget that at that age they are balls of energy and need a bit of acceptance and time to allow this. Will try it with my VERY active and tantrum prone 2 yr old.

Rollmops Mon 22-Jun-09 09:01:46

3.6 MONTHS and you are saying that 'she has ALWAYS???!!!!!!!! been unruly' ...... Try thinking just a little, how can a 3.6 month old baby be 'unruly'? She is distressed and it's your job as her Mother to find out why. Could be a health issue or could be your handling of her. Do not go blaming an infant.

Rollmops Mon 22-Jun-09 09:04:34

OK, 3 years 6 months. [oopsie]
Regardless, she is acting up because this could be the only way she knows to get your full attention.
Sorry about the rant earlier, haven't had my tea this morning.

mrsruffallo Mon 22-Jun-09 09:43:06

Thanks me and my Joe. (I love your pictures btw!)That article resonated with me regarding my active little 3 yr too.
I think it' easy to get caught in a cycle of telling off, shouting, shouting louder, punishment, more punishment, when if you ease up a bit in the first place you can gently guide the behaviour (sometimes!)

Beauregard Mon 22-Jun-09 21:10:39

Yes she is 3.6 years my grammatical error,one of many.

Noonki Mon 22-Jun-09 21:28:28

right you sound like you have my DS1

though mine my be worse! (hits/shouts/throws)

these are things that make him worse:

1. Me reacting strongly to his bad behaviour

2. boredom

3. Too much tv or sugary food

4. too little exercise /interaction from me /

things that make it better;

1. ignoring most bad behaviour unless it is violent/dangerous

2. explaining why you are not happy with said behaciour in a bored voice (like a bored policeman - it works). By getting to their level, waiting for them to look at you then talking.

3. praise praise and more praise
4. early bed/decent food

5. new ideas with old toys (do a bit of play stuff with them and swapping toys about as well so they can rediscover old things)

if I follow the above it really makes a difference.

it is very hard I know.

And please don't take this too harshly but it sounds as if you ar labelling them as good and bad children. If you expect them from them then that is what you get.

good luck (I need it too!)

Beauregard Tue 23-Jun-09 14:23:07

Thanks Noonkismile
I will try to ignore most of the behaviour but it is so hard because for example if i want her to get in the car or sit in her car seat to take dd1 to school i dont have time to ignore it iykwim.She does enjoy the negative reactions i think as she smirks from time to time.
Some good suggestions .

Beauregard Tue 23-Jun-09 14:24:22

Meant to say that she sounds like your ds with the hitting and throwing.

Noonki Tue 23-Jun-09 20:12:00

pelvic - do you give lots of warning that you are about to go out (I hour before, ten miuntes, 5 minutes etc..)

or set off an alarm clock that she has to turn off to then tell you it's time to go out ...she is then in control (and that's what it's all about!)

or start teaching her to tell the time, DS loves this and lets him understand that it's the clock telling us to go not me.

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