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Unfortunately my ds, nearly 12, is a liar

(14 Posts)
ReginaldBosanquet Fri 19-Jun-09 19:30:39

I really don't know how to deal with him. He is a lovely and loving lad, but he often lies. I am at my wits end trying to work out when he is telling the truth and when he isn't. For example he told me yesterday that he was punished for chewing gum but that he wasn't chewing gum he was just chewing his cheek, quite frankly I don't believe him. I wasn't going to punish him further and he was aware of that, so I have no idea why he didn't just say that he was caught chewing gum and was punished. It embarrasses me to sometimes have to listen to his obvious lies. I must stress that he definitely doesn't lie all the time, but it is not easy for me to tell when he is lieing and when he is telling the truth. Even if I confront him with a definite lie he denies it until he is blue in the face. He is also very stroppy, always has been, and at times when he is told off in the most minor way he will just go off and sulk for the longest of times and throw things about in his room and be generally aggressive with everybody. I have just had an incident with another boy and his mother has rung me and asked me what was going on and although I have my ds's version of events I don't feel confident enough that he has told me the truth to stick up for him. I am upset that I feel this way and admitting to myself that my ds is a liar is not easy. Does anybody have any advise on how I might get him to be more honest.

Lulumama Fri 19-Jun-09 19:34:36

sounds like quite normal behaviour and possibly the more OTT you go, the worse it will get

if he is a lovely and loving lad, you need to focus on that, rather than white lies

and why is he not allowed gum?

does he feel that he is being picked up on on every little misdemeanour?

ReginaldBosanquet Fri 19-Jun-09 19:56:43

Crikey, is it normal.

I don't tend to go OTT, I generally turn a blind eye, but am particularly concerned this evening because of the situation with this other boy who is his best friend. I would like to help him find a solution to their problem but because of all the lies he has told in the past I can't be sure if what he has told me is a true representation of the situation. To be honest I don't make a big thing of most of his lies as they are, as you say, white lies and don't bother me. However, he will also tell quite big lies if he thinks it will keep him out of trouble.

I love the bones of him and support him in everything he does, it is just that it would make it easier for me if, when he is one of these situations which he is finding difficult to resolve on his own, he told the truth so that he can then be helped to move forward.

Sorry, I wasn't clear, he was told off at school for chewing gum, not by me.

Lulumama Fri 19-Jun-09 20:00:05

ok, i see

have you tried a sit down and recap of the
boy who cried wolf story?

i thikn this is a really hard age,not a child, but not a teen,and feeling full of hormones, weird feelings etc

i think some degree of lying is normal,as in ,most people do it.

he probably lied to not get in trouble at schol re the gum, not that that is ok, but not like lying about something huge IFYSWIM

ReginaldBosanquet Fri 19-Jun-09 20:26:09

Thanks lulu, I hear what your saying and I do agree about the age and everything. I think it has got on top of me tonight because the mum has rung and I just didn't know what to say to her. At the moment he is upstairs stamping on the floor to annoy me. Oh joy!

foxinsocks Fri 19-Jun-09 20:28:44

<makes reginald a G&T>

foxinsocks Fri 19-Jun-09 20:29:26

actually have discovered that Elderflower Cordial, white wine and sparkling water tastes very good and helps block out children deliberately stamping to be annoying

ReginaldBosanquet Fri 19-Jun-09 20:35:09

Thanks foxinsocks, sounds like just what I need, when can I get a tanker full delivered. At least you made me smile, which is the first time this evening.

Lulumama Fri 19-Jun-09 20:36:14

definitely go for the tanker of wine option!

starkadder Fri 19-Jun-09 22:38:50

I am not very qualified to answer this question, since I only have a baby and he can't even talk yet - but I would say that maybe the thing to do is just keep on emphasizing that you will ALWAYS be on his side, so he can tell you the truth and you promise you will support him, but will also tell him when he has made a mistake so that you can help him fix it? I am sure you do tell him this already, but you probably can't tell him too much, if you see what I mean.

starkadder Fri 19-Jun-09 22:39:33

PS and also have the wine grin

Ewe Fri 19-Jun-09 22:42:44

My little brother is 10 and him and his friends seem to lie about loads of stuff. Weird inconsequential stuff that nobody cares about to more significant things.

I definitely think it is a phase and he should grow out of it.

mumeeee Fri 19-Jun-09 23:33:01

Normal behaviour. Why were you going to punish him further for chewing gum when he'd already ben punished?

ReginaldBosanquet Sun 21-Jun-09 21:13:35

Sorry, haven't been able to get back to the computer. I guess I will have to grin and bear it until he grows up, I must admit that although he looks older than he is he is very immature in his ways, so maybe it will pass.
Mummee I said I 'wasn't' going to punish him further for chewing the gum, he had already been punished at school so I wouldn't punish him further.

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