Help please....... Tantrums, well more like major maltdowns in a 3 (next week) year old, including making self sick and withholding breath until he passes out

[TheMadHouse]

I really need some help, my 3 year old has only just started having major, major meltdowns.

We have had one this afternoon due to the fact he didnt want to get out of th "bloody car"

screammed so much he made himself sick, with held until he passed out, woke screaming. He has an egg on his head where he threw himself to the ground outside too

DS1 never had any of this sort of thing and we are beside ourselves.

This is the third one in a week and a half. He can throw tables and chairs too

It is an uncontralable type of rage.

During the last one I took him to his room, which took some doing as he went ridgid like a plank and he even managed to move his bed.

Anyone have any experiance or ideas - please

[TheMadHouse]

please ..........................

I am desperate for ideas or interventions

[thecloudhopper]

I would be very consistant and contant with regards to his raging tantrums. I would use a deep voice and say stop screaming ect I would then walk away if he continued giving him no attention. Be consistant act as if it is not bothering you dont worry hopfully it is a phase.

[TheMadHouse]

Thanks cloudhopper, but I can not leave him fear he hurts himself.

I have tried to be firm and consistant to no avail

Anymore advise or anyone had any experiance of this too?

[sobeda]

I have had a similar experience, although slightly different. DS2 (now age 3) has the scary habit of holding his breath until he passes out if he really hurts himself or gets in a total state about something (less often). The first time he did it I thought he'd had a fit. When he comes round, he is all clammy and white as a ghost, and he says 'that was a bit scary' (!). He once did it at the top of the stairs and promptly fell down a whole flight. My cousin who is a doctor advised that we pay as little attention to it as possible and carry on as normal, so as not to reinforce that you get lots of attention when you pass out. Hope that helps, it is truly scary for the parent.

[TheMadHouse]

He has a massive bruise on his head this morning

I try to positive priase etc, but I can not leave him alone nad ignore it for fear of him hurting himself even more

[CacklingandBarking]

You do really need to ignore it if you can as I think it really is the only thing that will work. If you can get him to a safe room where he can't hurt himself, then do that in a calm way, saying little, put him in the room and say 'I'm leaving now til you have calmed down'

Meanwhile, has something changed in his life that may be frustrating him and this is his way of getting it out (potty training, nursery change etc)?

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

DD does this, she has passed on from breath holding to melt downs like hysterical adults, I try and hold her tightly to stop her thrashing until she calms down, if this doesn't work quickly, then you could always try a bit of cold water somehwere, anything to try and shock her out of her hysterics before she throws up, this then breaks down to normal tears, allows herself to be cuddled and is over it in 5 minutes.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

You need to create a safe area where he cannot hurt himself - high sided playpen for example - and stick him in it and let him tantrum to his hearts content!

Holding his breath is nothing to panic about - when he passes out, he will start breathing again.

Throwing himself to the ground, well, unless it's concrete and he really hurls himself at it or there is glass or something, then he might hurt himself a bit, but a little bump or scrape is not the end of the world.

I agree with others that you need to ignore. He is fast learning that he has you at his total mercy. These behaviours will continue and they will get worse.

My 2 have autism. ds1 used to throw himself downstairs , bang his head on the floor, kick, bite, scream...you name it!

When I could ignore, I did. When he was violent and it was not possible to ignore, I wrapped him. - my legs round his legs, my arms round his arms, my head tucked into his back. (forgot this once and he threw his head back and broke my nose!!)

When he was a toddler, we made him wear a helmet when in the garden, which was just a concreted yard, and he could have hurt himself a lot, so that is also an option. (we got one that he couldn't undo)

you could also invest in a harness, so that he physically cannot GET onto the floor when you are out, because when he throws himself, you hold him up so he doesn't connect.

But more than anything, you need to believe that no serious harm will come to him even if he does chuck himself on the floor!

Eventually, even the most stubborn child gets tired of hurting themselves and still not getting what they want!

[TheMadHouse]

Thank you ladies.

I AM going to igore him - well not all the time, just during the tantrum

If we are at home I am going to put him in his room and let him carry on. We dont really have anywhere else. I could also strap him in his car seat too.

DH holds him through them - I physically cant - I have a double mastectomy recently I also think this is why this may have happened and I am waiting for the surestart child phycologist to call me back to discuss.

Thank you for all your suggestions - we are going camping for a week, so DH will be with me to reinforce things and help. I will update once we all return

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

Good luck with evertyhing, I forgot that we also put he rin her room and also try to ignore.

Wow, I hope you recover soon.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

Oh, re the putting him in his room - bit of advice.

Ignore the crash bang wallop. It will be him throwing everything against the walls

When he's done and only when he's done, go up with a bin liner, and chuck everything broken away. Tell him it's his own fault, he broke them and now they have to go. Be calm and matter of fact. remove and put in bin.

• can you tell I have a large amount of experience of this?

[TheMadHouse]

His room is the smallest and safest in the house, so that is a plan (I think)

He has always been a very easy child, but this is a new side to him

[TheMadHouse]

Thanks for that ideas re breaking things. I dont know how you manage Hecate - hats off to you

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

Oh, it's easy.

A lot of tough luck mate with a dollop of benign neglect and sprinkles of get on with it!

Actually, I find NT children hard work and slightly annoying

[lou031205]

"A lot of tough luck mate with a dollop of benign neglect and sprinkles of get on with it! "

Quote of the week, I feel