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major concerns about 6 year old dds behaviour

(13 Posts)
blackmonday Sat 13-Jun-09 18:05:28

my 6 year old dd has always been a bit 'different' from her peers. She is socially shy, very anxious, hates loud noises, balloons, won't dance, gets bothered by things not being 'quite right'. By that I mean if the seam in her socks is not just right she has a tantrum, if her laces aren't just right, she has a tantrum. I know she's highly sensitive and I have bought the book which has helped. Things seem to be getting worse. She's started to hate school. In the playground she will hide behind me with her head down and not talk to any of her friends when they come to say hello. She seems really angry all of the time. Her behaviour at home is really bad. If we try even to gently discipline her she will scream so loudly and run around the house/garden screaming. I love her so much but am at a complete loss. I don't know the best way to correct her bad behaviour and i am starting to wonder if there is more to it (aspergers/autism spectrum). She also bites her nails to the quick and sits with her hands over her ears in class if it gets too noisy.Please help, i am really at my wits end and am getting fed up of blaming myself for being a bad parent sad

BionicleBill Sat 13-Jun-09 18:13:39

Oh gosh sad

I am sure you are not a bad parent and there do seem to be a few markers for possible ASD there.

What have school said about her behaviour - have they suggested some kind of assessment for her?

I am really sorry to hear you are going through this x

Ripeberry Sat 13-Jun-09 18:14:02

Sorry you're having such a hard time. Have the teachers noticed any of this behaviour?
If they were concerned they would let you know about it.
My DD1 can be quite emotional and will burst into tears at the slightest thing and will sometimes have tantrums, she has just turned 7yrs old.
Maybe have a word with her teacher(s)and see what they advise as they deal with lots of different types of children and know what is out of place or worrying.

jabberwocky Sat 13-Jun-09 18:14:30

If her sensory issues are causing a real problem in her day to day living then she really needs to be evaluated for Sensory Processing Disorder. An occupational therapist can do the evaluation for you. If this is the issue then it's best to start therapy ASAP to help her develop coping mechanisms and hopefully get desensitized to some extent.

blackmonday Sat 13-Jun-09 18:27:12

gosh, i don't really know where to start. her teacher is a bit of a wet blanket tbh. my friend is a teaching assistant in her class and she keeps me in the loop and tells me that most days dd spends a lot of time crying, holding her ears and being thoroughly miserable. Sometimes she's happy, but not often. Do I speak to my GP or Health Visitor? school not really a great option.

siblingrivalry Sat 13-Jun-09 18:28:26

Hi Blackmonday, I have posted on your thread in SN.

crokky Sat 13-Jun-09 18:41:39

I'd go to the GP and ask for help with this - write it all down - some of it sounds like it could be ASD - my DS is going to be assessed for it as well at some stage.

The school sounds really bad - my DS is only 3 but in a school nursery and his teachers make the absolute world of difference.

LIZS Sat 13-Jun-09 18:45:47

I'm surprised the school haven't already referred her for assessment, it sounds a very stressful situation all round. Have you spoken to the SENco ? If not either do or speak to gp , taking along the list of your concerns.

ICANDOTHAT Sat 13-Jun-09 22:13:29

I would go to your GP and asked to be referred to a developmental pediatrician/child psychologist - take along a list of your concerns in writing so you don't forget and tell them what your T/A friend has said about your dd at school. At the same time you could request that the school get an educational psychologist or behaviour support teacher in to see what strategies could be put in place to help her in the classroom ... it's a start. Good luck.

anniebear Sun 14-Jun-09 10:50:07

I would be really cross that the teacher has not come and spoken to you before now

she obviously isnt doing her job properly

I am both annoyed and upset for you and your DD

Defo go to your GP and ask for a referral and dont take no for an answer

let us know how it goes

anniebear Sun 14-Jun-09 10:52:25

spot on ICANDOTHAT

stealthsquiggle Sun 14-Jun-09 11:00:42

I can't believe the school haven't spoken to you officially. Your poor DD - spending most of every day miserable. I think Icandothat has it all covered - Good Luck!

mrz Sun 14-Jun-09 11:14:45

I'm very concerned by a teaching assistant (even if your friend) "keeping you in the loop" and frankly I would take what she says with a pinch of salt. Having said that if you are concerned as you obviously are I would speak to the teacher and ask if she has noticed your daughter's "unhappiness". Teachers aren't experts in ASD but an unhappy child should be a cause for concern.

Often ASD children hold things together very well in school and then the strain of doing so spills over once they are in the comfort of their own home. I'm currently working with a child on the ASD spectrum who is "disorganised" in school but outside has huge problems.

I certainly would ask for a referral but it can be a long process so working with the school is the best thing for your daughter right now. I imagine she will be having a change of teacher in Sept??

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