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lovely 3.7yo DS verging on feral, at my wits' end

(14 Posts)
apostrophe Fri 12-Jun-09 13:41:46

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apostrophe Fri 12-Jun-09 14:01:40

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FluffyBunnyGoneBad Fri 12-Jun-09 14:03:16

Did something spark this off? Gran die/nursery worker leave? that sort of thing?

apostrophe Fri 12-Jun-09 14:06:29

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FluffyBunnyGoneBad Fri 12-Jun-09 14:09:59

There's so many things that can alter a child's behaviour to this extreme. It sounds like he's unhappy at nursery and he's using his behaviour as he doesn't know how to express this. It can be something like a member of staff leaving or something at home, have you asked them if there are any triggers to the behaviour?

muffle Fri 12-Jun-09 14:13:55

My DS (just 4) has had absolutely terrible phases that have driven me to distraction - with some of the same kinds of behaviour and all-round impossibleness. So first of all, it does sound like a phase to me and you will look back on it from a better time - hold onto that!

However you could also ask if anything id upsetting him, try to get him to talk about feelings etc (when he's calm) in case he has a worry or fear.

Naughty step and that kind of thing is just meaningless to my DS - why should he sit there? What works better with him is a pasta jar system (you get a jar, add a piece of pasta for good behaviour, take one out for bad behaviour (and/or threaten to) - and when it's full he gets a reward eg new toy or special trip. My DS can be very cheeky and difficult but he does actually care a lot about his pasta pieces.

Also, the book Hpw to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk has helped me a lot - it has a lot of non-confrontational ways of diffusing situations, helping children see things positively, etc. Along with that I use a lot of humour and reverse psychology eg "Whatever you do, don't you dare sit in the car seat! It will get all squashed and mucky - nooo, no DS don't sit there!" - he sits in it, obviously. And so on.

However you have to be in a good humour yourself to get on top of this and I know how hard it is when you've just had enough. Can your DP, mum or anyone have him for a day while you have a day off shopping or going for a massage or just chilling out? Day after day of this stuff wears you out.

3littlefrogs Fri 12-Jun-09 14:16:23

It is a reaction to something..........the question is what?

How long has he been at nursery?

What is the environment at nursery like? Is it calm and peaceful, or noisy and overstimulating?

Anything happening at home?

Diet/food intolerance?

Thirst?

Hayfever?

Copying behaviour?

Tiredness?

Threadworms?

He sounds very unhappy.

apostrophe Fri 12-Jun-09 14:22:44

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muffle Fri 12-Jun-09 14:25:42

It could be something specific, but also it could be just his age - there was a thread about boys of this age recently. They do have aggressive urges and also grow up a lot intellectually and develop worries about dying and suchlike and I think it can be very hard to handle.

Did you ask him why he is angry? Tell him you would like to help him feel better if you can think of a way together - he might have suggestions.

3littlefrogs Fri 12-Jun-09 14:46:56

Does he have any playmobil or lego people? Could you play some pretend play with little people - maybe what happens at nursery etc. As long as you don't pressurise or "lead" him, you might get some clues as to why he is angry. At least he can tell you he is angry, now you need to find out why, and at what/who.

3littlefrogs Fri 12-Jun-09 14:48:12

What does his key worker think?

3littlefrogs Fri 12-Jun-09 14:48:52

Sorry - I meant duplo people - he is a bit small for lego.

apostrophe Fri 12-Jun-09 20:01:12

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3littlefrogs Sat 13-Jun-09 09:14:21

I think you really need to schedule a private talk with his key worker. After all - they are looking after him for a lot of the time - do they not arrange regular feedback? (A bit like parent teacher meetings, I suppose).

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