What does "the main girls" mean?

[HuffwardlyRudge]

Dropped 3-yr-old dd at pre-school this morning. On of the other dads was dropping off his daughter with a large bag from THE most amazing, exclusive, posh, delicious bakery in town. Someone said something about cakes because it was someone's last day.

I asked the teaching assistant who was leaving and she told me it was L, a little girl in my dd's class. "Oh, L!" I say, "Dd talks about L". The teaching assistant looked a bit doubtful and said "well they sometimes play together", I said "Dd mostly talks about L, P and F"

"Ahh yes" smiles the TA, they are the "Main Girls"" and she chuckles. She did those quotations in the air with her fingers when she said "Main Girls".

What does "The Main Girls" mean?

I admit I am asking because I worry about dd's ability to make friends, and I just got the impression that these are the popular, blonde girls who always wear pretty dresses and whose father shops in expensive bakeries and I don't know if you get 'popular' girls as young as three.

I had a horrible time at school and never made friends and was bullied badly. I have nightmares about the same thing happening to dd. Dd is not a bright, sunny, confident child who charms everyone she meets. If I am being ott, that is why.

I can't bear to think of dd trying to be friends with these girls and them not wanting her to play with them.

[MadamAnt]

Could you have misheard "Mean Girls" - reference to a film with cliquey teenage girls?

[fishie]

oh dear can this really start at 3! let us hope not. anyway L is leaving so even if they have been an exclusive gang of three that won't be happening any more.

ds is 4 and at pre-school too - apart from cm's son (who is a sort of brother) he doesn't really have any friends. the boy he really liked has gone off to another country for extended holiday and the school won't take him back

[MadamAnt]

here

[bubblagirl]

i think your thinking too much into it at pre school i would say i know of 2 girls and 3 boys who are more assertive and playful and friendly to others who everyone is friends with i would presume this is what is meant

my ds isn't necessarily friends with these children but at some time or another has played with them it certainly isnt because they are posh just assertive and everyone's friends maybe its slight insecurity on your part thinking its about looks and money whe at this age its not important

some children are just naturally really outgoing and mummy everyone at nursery dont panic they rarely have friends at this age just play mates so i wouldn't panic about your dd just yet

invite some children over for a play date help your dd along with being more social don't let what you went through affect your dd dont panic just invite some friends from nursery and you too can make friends with the mums

[HuffwardlyRudge]

I am pretty sure it was main, not mean.

Am going to go and get dd now anyway. Might casually ask her teacher who she plays with anyway, not mentioning anything to do with these girls, just checking that she is making friends.

[HuffwardlyRudge]

Yes, I probably am overthinking it Bubbla. Still, there are 15 children in the class, it seems strange to me to have "main girls".

[bubblagirl]

if it helps i was classed as one of the main girls at nursery when younger as i was bossy and bossed everyone around and everyone new whop i was i had lots of friends to play with while there but got classed as the main one as it was always me trying to take charge im glad to say it did calm down lol

[nickschick]

Oh god dont worry!!!

As a nursery nurse these children are really victims of their parents desire to fit in- you cannot buy popularity and at 3 years who would want to???

Staff are drawn to children who are 'nice' I dont care if they are designer togged with rich parents - so long as we can learn and have fun,thats good for me!!.

Dont put your insecurities on your dd who im sure is a lively beautiful child and popular in her own right .

I blame sky tv and desperate housewives myself!!

fishie its not uncommon at 4 not to have firm friends it doesnt make your ds unpopular or a loner.

[fishie]

yes i know, i'm not worried particularly, it is just a shame his friend left. he is a bit forlorn now and often plays by himself.

anyway they all got nice cake huffwardly

[nickschick]

Fishie my ds3 was like that -then suddenly he 'wanted' friends and now he is never alone!!!

[HuffwardlyRudge]

I suppose to hear the TA talk about "the main girls" makes me think Hey! Why isn't MY dd a main girl?

If I worked with children I wouldn't refer to some children as the main ones when talking to the parent of not-a-main-one.

Anyway. It was bothering me this morning but it isn't any more. My gorgeous girl is MY main girl.

[Travellerintime]

Huffwardly,
I would agree, think it's a bit 'off' for the TA to refer to them as 'the main girls', as it makes it sound as if she's encouraging a clique.

I was a shy child too, and I understand your anxieties for your dd. However, I would say that at 3, it's still v early for your dd to be developing friendships. Friendships are still very fluid at that age, and some are more ready for it than others. My dd (4.7) was pretty shy and quiet at that age - nursery commented on how she would v often just watch the others and not get involved, despite her being a chatterbox at home. But things have moved on a LOT in the last year, and she now has a group of friends at nursery (tho' hopefully not a clique).

[nickschick]

No huffwardly I agree with that too -I wouldnt refer to any group of children as the 'main' ones either.

[ICANDOTHAT]

Similar to 'it' girls, most popular, parents are buddies etc etc. Obviously the reputation/label the TA has chosen to give them based on her experience

[Lissya]

Ignore it, it doesn't mean anything. Just continue to encourage your DD to be pleasant, fair when playing, share things and make sure she has opportunity for playdates as she gets older. Special friends will come.

If it's any consolation, IMHO those who are "main girls" (as in cliquey, a bit snotty and too aware of their own "celebrity" status in a class, not just bubbly children) before the age of 18, fade away fairly quickly after the age of 18 . The teen queens in particular age the fastest...

[ICANDOTHAT]

Lissya the op is talking about 3 year olds

[Lissya]

I know that ICANDOTHAT. The OP says "I had a horrible time at school and never made friends and was bullied badly. I have nightmares about the same thing happening to dd".

Therefore if you care to delve a bit more deeply into the OP and her fears, you will deduce that the OP is forecasting ahead from nursery to school years, and I am trying to reassure her that it doesn't always turn out like that.

That OK with you?

[slyandgobbo]

Er, could she possibly just have meant that those were the "main girls" your DD showed an interest in (ie the girls she was most interested in)? Perhaps she was basically just agreeing with you and inappropriately using airquotes in the way that some people misuse real quote marks?

[BiscuitStuffer]

Either way - a nice thing to do might be to find out who your DD has played with or seems to get on with and arrange a playdate? That can help with the whole friendship thing. I think familiarity plays a huge part.

[HuffwardlyRudge]

Do you think it is important that she sees school friends out of school?

She does have a fair few friends who she sees at home or at their houses or out and about, but none of them are children who she knows from school.