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Advice/support please: DD1's behaviour now DD2 is here!!!

(5 Posts)
alibaabaa Wed 10-Jun-09 20:52:25

My DD1 is 2.9yrs. DD2 is 5 wks.
Before DD2 arrived, DD1 and I did everything together, and had never spent a day/night away from each other. She has been my best little mate - always playing and giggling together.
Now DD2 is here, I don't feel like I can give DD1 as much fun time. Her previous constant fun, giggly nature seems to have gone, and has been replaced by a short-tempered unhappy nature. I have tried so hard to involve her in the new baby, and I am trying so hard to have special time with her.
It is starting to upset me so much. I miss my DD1 - but don't know what to do!!!
Please give me any advice or words of wisdom.
Thanks so much

Dysgu Wed 10-Jun-09 21:07:30

It is so difficult when DD2 comes along, isn't it? The age gap between my two is almost the same. DD1 is just 2.9yo today and DD2 is 24 weeks old.

I do find it hard when either one of them has to wait and DD1 has become more clingy towards me and has become a championship whiner!

However, to balance this I tell myself that if I had not had DD2 then I would still be working full time and so actually DD1 is getting more of my time than she otherwise would.

Also, she is now going to pre-school for two afternoons a week. This is only her second week but she is loving it and it means I get some time 1-1 with DD2 who does tend to get the smaller share of any attention (especially as we have just done potty training).

DD1 still goes to CM twice a week too - which again I sometimes feel guilty for as I am on maternity leave. However, she gets to play with her friends and has been going 4-5 days a week since she was 7mo. All in all, she is now out of the house for the equivalent of 1.5 days when I am working so she is actually getting a lot more time.

By getting the 1-1 time with DD2 means that when DD1 is here I really focus on doing things with her and feel less guilty that DD2 is simply watching us having fun.

It's not easy and I don't know what will work for you.

Congratulations on the arrival of DD2 and a big hello to DD1 (who always seem to be 'relegated' to just being a big sister once it happens!)

wolfear Wed 10-Jun-09 21:10:22

No advice ali-b, but you've just brought tears to my eyes. I'm due with my second baby on Monday and my DS (23 months) is my little best mate and I'm so worried about the same situation arising.

I'm sure your DD1 will get used to baby being around and will return to her lovely self, especially if she's always had the nice, fun nature your describe.

Good luck, hope it gets better soon.

Dysgu Wed 10-Jun-09 21:24:32

DD1 dotes on DD2 and I make a big point of relating things to DD1 (i.e. Your sister is smiling at you.) I also think DD1 is DD2's favourite person and remind DD1 of this - she loves being so special. She is still my favourite (big) girl and I make a big thing of all the fun things we can do together that DD2 can't join in with.

It has got easier over the past few months - was tough as DD2 was early and in NICU (but DD1 was too and thought that was normal.)

Do you have a partner/husband? I only BF till the due date and now DP does the evening shift with DD2 which leaves DD1 with me and we catch up on news sharing and cuddles and laughs.

alibaabaa Wed 17-Jun-09 21:16:52

Thanks so much. I have had a couple of better days - only hugely challenging when DD1 is hungry or tired!!!
I find it gobsmacking how I have found this so difficult - and yet in victorian times they had 12, 13, 14 etc children, and no washing machine - and they coped, I feel like a wimp!!!
Wolfear - thanks for your message - I hope your new bundle has arrived safely or arrives any day soon!!! The one thing that has kept me smiling, when things have been tough - has been that before long (hopefully) DD1 will have another little best mate to play with!! (fingers crossed).
Thanks again

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