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my 4mo dd screams every time someone new holds her....

(5 Posts)
hellsbelles Tue 09-Jun-09 15:45:52

I thought stranger anxiety started a lot later? She is fine when she first gets held but as soon as she sees me and works out it's not me holding her she goes crazy! I really want to nip this in the bud. Any ideas on how I can help her through it?

giveloveachance Tue 09-Jun-09 16:06:19

why do you want to nip it in the bud?

She has clearly reaslised that she prefers to be with you and vocal enough to let you know it.

IMO its an evolutionary need - a baby is always best with mum - thats where the food, warmth, comfort and protection come from - and your little one knows it and is not afraid to let you know she knows!

It doesn;t last long, if it really is becoming an issue, try sitting down next to the person holding her and pick her back up before she gets upset, hopefully you will be able to lengthen the time as she gets older - but i still think at 4 mo, thats still tiny and if she wants you to hold her, why not?.

meep Tue 09-Jun-09 16:23:02

dd1 was like this - at 5mo she screamed when my brother held her and I was sitting right next to him - in fact she pretty much screamed if anyone held her apart from me.

The best thing to do is to keep hold of her until she becomes used to the enviroment she is in.

dd1 is now 23mo - when we go somewhere new she still stays close to me (usually hugging my legs) and I just let her do it. Within half an hour she is running around like a mad thing!

The main thing is do not force her to do anything - just encourge her and her independence will grow whilst still feeling safe.

4mo is still very little.

hellsbelles Tue 09-Jun-09 17:32:21

thanks ladies. I'm just worried as I need to start working a couple of afternoons a week and I really can't bear the thought of her being upset at me leaving her. My mum is looking after her one afternoon and another lady the other....but she screams with both of them (even though I haven't left her with them yet). I assume it's because she doesn't seem them everyday and so 'forgets' them.

I had to put my DS in nursery slap bang in the middle of the height of his seperation aniexty and ended up having to delay going back to work cause I couldn't bear how unhappy he was. I thought by starting this earlier I would avoid that...but I guess not! I'll just have to do this as a slow process until she gets used to them.

wolfnipplechips Tue 09-Jun-09 18:48:13

My dd did this form about 12 weeks and it was so hard. TBH i think it was a mix of 2 things, i had undiagnosed PND and i think i probably made it worse, i would want a break from her so badly but then would get really anxious when she was with anybody else in case she cried. That probably doesn't make much sense. The other thing was that she wasn't and still isn't really an outgoing child, she's really shy so i guess it was her way of telling us this.

My advice would be find somewhere that your really going to be happy to leave her, maybe nursery might suit her better, if you can be as relaxed as possible then it will rub off on her. She will cry a little at first but if she can see that your happy for other prople to have her she may relax a bit.

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