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Do you think nursery for under threes stops them being clingy?

(14 Posts)
Forgetmenot Tue 10-May-05 09:43:28

My two yr old is terribly clingy! My neighbour thinks it's because she is at home all day with me. She has always worked fulltime so her children have been cared for by family. She has never had clingy behaviour.

My eldest child was in nursery full-time from about 12 months (I was a single parent then and had to work full time), and she was never clingy. She also settled into pre-school and nursery without any problems.

I'm worried that by not putting her in nursery (Im a SAHM so there's no need to), that it will be a real problem when she has to start pre-school at 3.

Is this clingyness a normal stage that she will just pass through?
I love being at home with my little one the first three years are so precious. I feel like I missed so much with my eldest.

But am i being selfish?

Enid Tue 10-May-05 09:46:27

well if it helps I had the worlds clingiest child (dd1), honest she wins klingon of the year award. She was hopeless but for some reason settled into primary school just fine.

She didnt like preschool though...sorry to say

jessicasdaddy Tue 10-May-05 09:47:40

slightly different, as dd is my first and is only 9 months, we put her in nursery for half a day a week and she isnt as clingy as she was. and jessicasmummy is also a sahm . but it gives her time to rest and chill as im usually working all day long. everyone needs there own time every now and then!!!

batters Tue 10-May-05 09:50:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu Tue 10-May-05 09:56:21

DS was clingy when he went to a nursery where he wasn't happy. I think it all depends, and I worry that 'clingy' is used as a rather derogatory term for children expressing their needs - don't feel pressurised by your neighbour, do what feels right for you.

bobbybob Tue 10-May-05 09:57:47

What is selfish about spending time with your own child?

Ignore your neighbour she can do what is right for her family and should respect your right to do the same.

Are you actually bothered by the clinginess?

emkana Tue 10-May-05 09:59:40

Well I'm a SAHM and my daughters aren't clingy at all.
From her very first day at playgroup dd1 has never once cried when I left her, never. And she has never said she doesn't want to go or anything like that.

I think it's personality more than anything.

starlover Tue 10-May-05 10:02:53

if you love being at home with then that's fine! She's just letting you know that she feels secure with you and wants to be with you.
If you are worried then how about seeing if she would like nursery perhaps one morning a week or something, it doesn't ahve to be a full-time thing.

as others have said, I think clinginess ha nothing to do with whether or not kids go to nursery... it's just their personality!

sandyballs Tue 10-May-05 10:26:10

Definitely personality. My twin DDs who are 4 have been at pre-school since they were 2.5 and one of them still has a little cry when she arrives. She is just a much more needy child and likes me to be around much more than her sister does. Neither of them are right or wrong, just different. Just do what you feel is right for you and your family.

Chandra Tue 10-May-05 10:31:27

There are other things you can do besides taking her to nursery like going out often, introduce new people (specially children) etc. DS started going to nursery because I was studying and now continues to go because we noticed he became very sociable. Having said that, he still clings to me when I drop him at nursery BUt he also throws tantrums because he wants to stay even after the session is over

chipmonkey Tue 10-May-05 10:47:12

I have noticed that children who go to nursery are probably a little less likely to be clinging to their mums on the first day of school! However I don't think this is necessarily a good reason for them to go to nursery IYKWIM. Even if they are a bit clingy going to school, they're usually over it after a couple of weeks anyway. The advantage I found with nursery was that ds1 and ds2 did a lot of arts and crafts there and if I'm honest, as I'm not organised enough to do that sort of thing every day, it was an advantage that -someone- was doing it with them!

beckymumof3 Tue 10-May-05 10:53:37

I agree with the others - it is definately a personality thing. I wouldn't put a child in nursery just for this reason unless you want to anyway. Especially as you are a while off pre-school and we all know how quickly kids can come and go through all the phases!

TwinSetAndPearls Tue 10-May-05 11:02:54

I am a SAHM and my dd goes to pre school three afternoons a week, she used to be very clingy and that has certainly got better, this could be down to pre school or it could be due to her simply growing up.

I do think sending my dd is the best thing I have done, she has a lovely circle of friends and her social skills have come on no end. She has created a little world all by herself without my intervention and I think that means a lot to her. She has always been a social child as we go to lots of playgroups and activities but I think she thrives on being able to be herself without my presence.

All the studies I have read say that attending a pre school ( as long as the provision is of a high standard) does improve children's social skills, for example sharing, socialisation and lessening the clinging without undermining your relationship with her.

I adore being a SAHM and thought I would hate sending dd to preschool, we started with one afternoon and very slowly built it up as like you I hated letting her go. But now I love the time it gives me, I use one of the afternoons to give the house a good clean, so I can use more of my time at home with her to play, the second to study and a third day to meet friends for coffee and retail therapy. I then pick up dd feeling refreshed having had the chance to be me and not just a mum.

I don't in any way think you are being selfish, I have just looked back at your original message and your dd is only 2, my dd only started preschool just before her third birthday which i think is about right if you are at home with them. I think we have a strange obsession with wanting our chidlren to grow up and not wanting them to be dependent on us. Enjoy your time with your daughter, "clinginess" is only a problem if it upsets or frustrates you or if it is impossibe for you to leave her with someone else if you need to go somewhere.

Sadly the ability to be a SAHM is not open to everyone often only the well off or those on benefits, maybe your neighbour has her own issue about not having enough time with her own daugter and is hiding this by criticising you for having what she would secretly want.

Forgetmenot Tue 10-May-05 12:43:57

Thankyou everybody!
The general consensus seems to be that nursery is a good thing.
I am hoping to do a part time college course in Setember so I think it would be a good idea to leave her a couple of half days at nursery.
I know it did wonders for my eldest girl, for social skills, confidence and learning.
However, i feel that i missed out on so much of her development and special time just the two of us with me working full-time.

Twinsetandpearls, thankyou for your post ,it all of made a lot of sense to me.
I am v lucky this time that I have the option to stay at home.

No I wasn't particularly botheres about her clingyness until my neighbour mentioned it could be my fault for being with her all the time!!
Batters and Emkana and others who mentoned personality, yes I think she has a very different personality to her big sister.
She is quieter less boisterous, I don't know if it because she is my youngest but i seem to be more protective of her than her sister.

For this summer anyway I'm just going to enjoy the time we have together.

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