agggh toddler whingeing what do you do?(6 Posts)
ds has just turned 2, has always been an extremely cheerful and sweet natured little boy and doesn't have tantrums, but in the last couple of weeks has started whingeing for britain. it's a sort of low level grizzle, pitched at exactly the right volume to allow him to sustain it for ages but me to want to scream within seconds. he seems to use it when he wants something (my attention, a drink, lunch, a toy), when he's tired or hungry, when he's frustrated about not being able to do something, when i say no to something, when he wakes up and wants us to come and get him up, when he wants to get out of the carseat (Ie the second i turn the engine off, before i've even had time to get out of the car).
he is very verbal and used to tell us what he wanted, and when in a good mood is still very chatty. but grizzling is becoming the default setting too often.
i was starting to wonder if he was ill or teething but he's fine when out of the house or busy doing something he enjoys. i think boredom has a lot to do with it and have been trying to play/distract him more but i can't do that 24/7 - he needs to be able to accept that occasionally i do have to empty the dishwasher/answer the phone/change his nappy. most of the advice ive seen in toddler books seems to be about tantrums and whingeing is mentioned rarely. any tips?
DD1 is a great whinger (sp?) too. She seems to do it ant many of the same times as you mention. I just tell her I am not listening to her whiny (sp?) voice and wait until she asks properly.
It can take a while but she is much better now - still whines but realises it does not get her what she wants so then reverts to asking properly.
That said, I do try to pre-empt the whining and pick my battles. If you know that whining is about to kick off then try to distract him before he gets going. For example, If he (like DD1) is picky about whether he wants his sandwiches in squares or triangles - make sure you ask before guessing and 'getting it wrong!'
I think this is normal behaviour for a 2 year old - I try to give choices, ask questions and let her think she is getting her own way quite a lot of the time. Hard work sometimes but it beats the constant whine!
We always said to dd 'you're making a very whingey noise right now. That's not very nice. If you whinge, you won't get what you want. If you ask nicely, I'll give you what you need, but that noise has to stop'.
It got shortened to 'whingeing doesn't get anyone anything in this house'. We still use it on her now when she gets a bit out of hand (doesn't happen often) though we have now altered this to name calling (I know I'm a terrible mum).
If she wine's I just say 'Amy' as in Amy Winehouse. She shuts up immediately or grimaces at me then stops making the mad noise!
Hope you mange to get some good advice on here. Ignore my recent example...I'm sure it's very, very bad.
I used to pretend that I literally couldn't understand what he wanted unless he asked in a normal voice. It worked well most of the time - still slips into it occasionally but so do I
My 3 yr old is exactly the same she whinges for everything i use the naughty step which then turns the whinging into a constant scream so i give 1 warning if she carries on i take her to her bedroom for 3 mins after i make her say sorry it seems to be working (thank god) as i also have a 6 yr old boy that has adhd & odd & that is mentally exhausting as this method didnt & still dosent work for him its a good job that no 2 chikdren are the same
At that age I just repeated "I can't hear you unless you talk with a normal voice" and point blank refuse to do anything. Now (at just gone 3) I say "DS, I do not like listening to whinging, if you carry on, I shall walk away" and I do. If he continues then he will sometimes get given timeout just so I can calm down. Apparently DH was a whinger and this is where DS gets it from - it drives me NUTS! But really, nothing much gets through to him - it's his nature! So if anyone has any better suggestions then I'd love to hear them!
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