tantrums

[pamelat]

DD is 16.5 months. Posted a few times about her "high spririted" behaviour.

Today was the worst tantrum to date and I feel that I can't do anything to help her/it.

She goes to nursery Mon - Weds, likes it but gets tired.

I am with her Thurs & Fri.

She slept 6pm - 6am last night.

By 8am she seemed tired. Normally I don't "let" her have a nap until 12 as otherwise she does not sleep for the rest of the day and I go insane . However, she seemed tired so I put her to bed, no joy. She wanted up and I was quite relieved.

9am - ASDA. Was just killing time really before meeting my friend at 945am. She refused to sit in the trolley, screaming and shouting no and trying to hit me. I do the staying calm and trying to reason her but she scowls and says "no no no".

I give up and go straight to the childrens play area (at my gym) to meet my friend. Normally DD loves it there.

Instead she shouts "no" at any child that comes in to the room and became possessive of every toy (maybe a nursery related thing?)

Again I calmly explained about sharing and sat down and played lego with her until my friend arrived.

DD throws a couple of strops but nothing too big, more just throwing self on floor and whimpering, tried to ignore her.

11am - try to feed her, she throws it all on the floor.

Bit annoyed by this point but figure she can't be hungry (normally is)

1130am - screaming. Decide to call it a day. On the way out of the gym, bearing in mind that I have calmly told her we are off to bed she slaps me 12 ish times around the face. I am carrying her (trying) with her screaming and arching back (trying to look like I calm about the whole situation) and she then would come up and hit me, not hard at all but more dismismisvely.
Does anyone know what I am meant to do? It does not hurt at all but I find it unacceptable and more to the point, embarassing.

I said "poor mummy you dont want to hurt mummy" and she just scowled.

Then huge trantrum getting her in to the car seat. I confess I almost gave up at this point. I then had to man handle her in to seat as I figured it was safer than driving without the car seat strapped together.

Home,ok and straight to bed. .... Phew.

[pamelat]

anyone? Sorry I know tantrums are "normal" and I understand that she was feeling tired and grumpy but what do I do about the hitting?

[TreeTrunkThighs]

The tantrums are normal and I am telling myself the hitting is too! My DD2 is 19 months and is starting to really throw herself into her tantrums and has also starting hitting in general.

I think you did everything you could in this situation. It is very hard when they are so small and their understanding limited.

I'm sorry I can't help.

[pamelat]

thanks treetrunk, we both went in to melt down this afternoon. We needed new shoes so popped out to get them, ended up with screaming and her kicking her assistant in the face and then hitting me, to the extent that a random lady came up to me and asked if she could help.

Then went to boots to see if anything could get to help her and she did again ... and I burst in to tears in to the shop

[meandjoe]

Just wanted to tell you that my ds was exactly the same at that age. He was so unpredictable and would melt down any time I was out and about. I had to carry him everywhere because if I let him walk he'd have tantrums on which way we were going to walk and where he wanted to go (which was never the direction I needed to go!).

He hated his pushchair until around 16- 18 months. I had to take snacks and toys just to get out the house for 30 minutes. Even then he'd meltdown 50% of the time but that was an improvement on the first 12 months of his life where he just wouldn't tolerate the buggy of the car seat for more than 10 minutes and even then I had to keep moving. God help me if I dared to stop the pushchair to cross the road or got stuck in traffic lights in the car etc.

He'd scream and cry whenever we did shopping, wouldn't go in the trolley seat. Hated his shoes being put on so I dreaded him having his feet measured.

He used to hit and headbut as well, not hard but just out of frustration. It didn't really hurt but it was none the less unacceptable but normal!!!!

I know exactly how you feel. I have cried so many times with his behaviour, particularly for the first year.

He did gradually improve although some days it felt like all he did was throw tantrums. Until he could walk he screamed all day. I think he usually averaged about 20 crying fits/ tantrums a day.

He's 22 months now and I would never describe him as easy but his temper has deffinitely mellowed as he has become more independant and more verbal. He understands (usually) when I tell him that we are going to have his feet measured and he needs to sit and be a good boy etc so I can prepare him for events. I can also ask him to wait a minute when he demands something and he (again usually) will listen and wait his turn.

He doesn't hit or headbutt anymore, not sure why. Maybe because he can use words more efficiently to tell me what he wants so doesn't seem as frustrated or angry.

As for how to stop it, I'd just be very consistant on saying 'no' firmly and then ignoring her or moving her away until she stops. My ds used to scream when I did this cos he hated being put down/ ignored/ moved away but it really did work and in the end he'd come to me crying asking for a cuddle which he needed to calm down. Don't forget that she's still very young and really isn't in control of her temper or emotions so don't be suprised if she needs help and comfort to calm her down. Oh and most importantly, praise her when she does calm down. We waited until ds was quiet and cuddling us then we'd say 'good boy for calming yourself... what a big boy you are blah blah blah' works, we had to be careful not to say 'well done for calming yourself DOWN' otherwise he cry again thinking he was going to be put down

It's really just a case of surviving and every age with ds he does seem to be improving so hopefully the same will happen for you xxxx

[pamelat]

Thank you so much meandjoe.

I have always been aware that my DD is more volatile than others of her age group, since she was born.

For the first 6 months of her life it was awful, she cried constantly and I basically had to walk 6 miles or so a day with her in the buggy, which she then tolerated.

Between 6 and 9 months she was ok as she had discovered food and could be distracted by it.

Since 13 months its been awful again (in the main). She can walk but wants to run (usually in to the road). I bought a harness, she hates it and shouts "out" and screams. She now also hates the buggy, and being carried!!

It sometimes feels like everything that I try to do she works against it to make life harder, for the both of us.

On the plus side, she is extreme in every emotion - so as well as being "shouty" and seemingly aggressive, she is also very loving and funny. She really does have a great sense of humour (thank goodness)

Thank you you have made me feel better xxx Maybe by Chrismas time it will all be a lot better.

[januarysnowdrop]

I don't know if this will help you, but one thing I do with dd1 (who is nearly 2) after she's had one of her meltdowns (which are fairly frequent, esp when she's tired or hungry) is to talk about what happened and why she felt angry/frustrated or whatever. I always finish off by congratulating her for being so good at calming down (even if this isn't remotely true!). She loves it and asks me to repeat the story over and over again. My theory is that if we can have conversations about her feelings now, it will help her to learn how to communicate them in a more constructive way when she's a bit better at talking. Might work, might be nonsense, but both she and I enjoy talking about it, and I like the fact that we're not trying to brush her outbursts under the carpet by ignoring them. Having said that, I try to completely ignore her when she's in full screaming mode,it's just when she calms down that we talk about it.

Incidentally, my dd1 used to hate the pushchair, but she likes it now. No idea what's changed, but it might give you hope!