Help - serious passion for hair pulling in 11 mth old : ((8 Posts)
My gorgeous DS is 11 1/2 mths old and has had a bit of a thing about pulling my hair for a few weeks now - at first it didn't really hurt but now he gets whole handfuls and really pulls and it sometimes brings tears to my eyes .
I deal with it by disentagling him (can take some time ), putting him on the floor and ignoring him for a couple of minutes but it doesn't seem to be having much affect.
The problem now is that he's started to do it to other children - and he is really hurting them and making them cry . I just don't know what to do with such a young child in terms of discipline - I obviously remove him from the situation immediately and, if possible, give the 'victim' lots of attention but I can't then instruct my DS to stay still cos he's too young to understand so while I'm busy making a fuss of the poor baby he's just hurt, DS is crawling off and playing.
If I hold him though, then he's getting a nice cuddle from mummy so that's no good either .
It came to a head today (excuse the pun ) cos we were at a friend's party and within five mins of getting there he had pulled the birthday boy's hair sooo hard he was in floods of tears. I was mortified and could see all the other mothers staring at me .
The only RL advice I've been given is to pull his hair back which I'm absolutely not prepared to do.
I def wouldn't pull his hair back. He is far too young to understand that so you'll only be hurting him wthout having the benefit of understanding.
This is a phase I think they all go through, my ds did at similar age. IMO/E the only way to deal with this at this age is to say NO each time very firmly. They can understand NO from about 9/10 months, and once he hears it a few times, he'll know what it means.
of course you shouldn't pull his hair back. I'm always utterly astounded at the lack of brain of people who suggest that; do they REALLY think an 11 month old will extrapolate from it 'oh mummy pulled my hair! Now I see exactly what that feels like I certainly won't do it again as I don't want to hurt mummy!'
rant over it's just - people!!!!
FWIW you are doing exactly the right thing already.
It's just that kids need to learn. It takes time. It's too much to expect an 11 month old to learn from one or two times of being put down. They need to learn lots and lots of times. they're only babies and they can only learn by lots of repetition.
so don't lose faith or heart, keep doing what you're doing. He will learn.
At parties/with other kids I agree it's stressful and horrible if it's your child doing this to others but believe me NO ONE will care that your ds has done this so long as they can see that you immediately leap into action to tell him no and remove him from the situation.
My son does exactly the same thing (but maybe not so hard!) He's just fascinated by anything dangly and I am hoping he grows out of it. You are not alone!
Thank you everyone, for the support and reassurance. When I'm with friends it's not so much of a problem, but when you're at a party or baby class it's alot more embarrassing .
I'll keep doing what I've been doing and keep my fingers crossed.
Thanks again .
I have a similar embarrassing problem with my 11-month-old - she's impulsive, enthusiastic and strong-willed and seems to go for other children whenever she is in a social situation - not maliciously, just out of curiosity about how they feel/taste. She also nips my shoulder when she's tired before a nap. Each time I say 'no' very firmly and put her down, but she has been doing it a couple of months now and it seems to be taking her a long time to learn. She is very active and has always been a wriggler, seeming to find it hard to concentrate - it's almost as if she has to find something to pull or bite because she's got too much energy that she can't work off. I heed the advice about being consistent and that eventually she will learn the meaning of 'no' but can anyone suggest other methods they find useful - other than me being hyper-vigilant to deflect her from victims?
Hi,my little boy(hes 10 months) also likes pulling hair really hard,he has also started hitting me and i no its just frustration at not being able to speak yet and make me understand what he wants,i also have a 10 year old and he was the calmest little boy you could ever meet,it's true what people say,you never get two the same!!I have been trying to just put my little boy on the floor and ignore him for a minute when he starts his hair pulling or hitting,im not sure if this is working yet but i cant think of anything else to do,saying no has no effect and if i say it reaaly firmly he raises his voice too so im worried im giving him the wrong signal.My eldest child has been on eye Q(omegas 3 and 6) for years now and i notice they do a baby one so im thinking of trying this,it definately does wonders for my eldest child with his concentration and also stopped him having a reaction to additives in foods,or lessened it anyway.Has anyone tried this for babies???
A week after my first post, my DD has stopped biting and hair-pulling (following repeated 'Be gentle', 'Stroke, don't pull' and putting her down when she bites). She is learning! Hurrah! Let's hope she doesn't start up again at two...
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