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Two year old will not go to sleep on her own!

(11 Posts)
CarrieF Wed 20-May-09 19:54:12

Help please! I have a two year old who will not let me go until she is fast asleep. If I do she screams the house down, so much so it is waking my four month old. It is sooo stressful when I am on my own with them both crying at the same time. Has anyone else experienced this and does someone have some advice for me??
Thank you!

essexgirl31 Wed 20-May-09 20:26:15

Hi CarrieF.

I will watch this thread with interest. My 22 month old DS is exactly the same. I'm 38+2 weeks pregnant and cannot imagine how I'm going to manage bedtime when the next one arrives and DH goes back to work after paternity leave.

I go from wanting to try controlled crying to just going with it until he learns to go to sleep on his own. I'm hoping as he gets older and undersatnds more i'll be able to blackmail talk him into it.

So no advice for you but you do have my sympathies

jellybelly25 Thu 21-May-09 12:50:35

same here... dd2 has to fall asleep wrapped around me like a little limpet. if i sit on the floor she gets off the bed and sits on me to fall asleep. she will just about tolerate dh sitting on the floor though, perhaps i'm just soft. she used to be so brilliant at going to bed... [sigh]

Do you know what might have caused her to feel so sad about being alone? our problem is a serious bout of separation anxiety...

can you take the baby into the room with you and lie with them both?

what time are you putting them to bed? i have found she falls asleep more quickly if i do it all a lot earlier than i used to, so one of us still has to be in there but it takes up a lot less of the evening.

just read no cry sleep solution for toddlers and felt it was brilliant but i know that implementing a lot of the ideas and getting any benefit is going to take ages. It did help me decide to stay with her rather than try any cc again (tried and failed before) as my feeling is that she is clearly petrified of being alone and i don't want to make her feel worse no matter how much of a pain it is for me.

I used to stay with dd1 until she was about 3, and she slept like a log so i dont' think you have to get them used to falling asleep alone in order to get them to sleep through but that's a separate issue.

sorry can;t be more helpful

preggersplayspop Thu 21-May-09 13:02:21

I have the same issue and I just bought the no cry sleep solution for toddlers as well. Its a really good book with great advice but not sure it will change things radically for me, but it does make you realise its pretty normal.

I did try some of the ideas in the book the other night though and my DS slept the best he has ever slept and went down pretty painlessly (though with me cuddled to him), so maybe it does work after all, I just need to be a bit more persistent.

CarrieF Thu 21-May-09 13:22:30

Thanks for making me feel not alone!! could you let me know what worked for you in the No Cry Sleep Solution book as I don't have it? I also feel the same about cc. It works when they are babies but they are so aware of things by the time they are two, it seems really unfair...

jellybelly25 Thu 21-May-09 13:34:13

i totally agree. for us what has helped is earlier bedtime, telling her i will stay in room so it gets her less anxious thinking i might go at any minute and making the house kind of dark and sleepy and chilled out in the hour before bedtime. she lay on me the other night going 'happy happy happy' which was nice smile but it did take ages.

preggersplayspop Thu 21-May-09 15:38:32

I am going to work on:
1) an earlier bedtime, and more time winding down before bed.
2) Re-instigating a more structured bedtime routine (ours has gone to pot a bit).
3) Stopping TV watching long before bedtime (fallen into bad habits).
4) Encouraging the right sort of snacks (not sugary) to fill his tummy before bedtime.
5) Not chatting or interacting as I cuddle him to sleep.
6) Making sure he gets good quality naps in the day

nct73 Thu 28-May-09 10:47:28

DD has never been good at going to sleep alone (months of suffering reflux needed rocked to sleep led to bad bedtime habits but couldnt face CC) but seems to have finally grasped it at nearly 2.5. She turns her lamp off after storytime which we do sat on bed & she gets under covers. Whoever is on duty then sits beside her on floor (half cuddle moving to head stroke or just hand holding then not touching)and has a little chat about her day (found she really needed to get chat out her system esp on nursery days) & makes sure she doesnt need wee or drink before saying it's time to sleep but to shout if needs us. We had several weeks of being shouted a lot - potty false alarms, need drink, need hanky, need cuddle but we did go, deal with whatever & leave again as sometimes not false alarm and she needed to know we would come. Now is confident that not abandoned & we will come if needed so rarely have to go back in unless something really is wrong.

cruisemum1 Sat 30-May-09 16:28:05

i am on aonther similar thread too as ds 2.8 has just begun to act up at bedtime. he used to be fine and just settle himself to sleep. Now he screams for me to stay and goes on for ages sad. I haven't got a real solution as he hasn't been doing it for long but I realy want to knock it on the head before it becomes a nightly thing. I find it incredibly annoying and frustrating and a real struggle not to lose my temper. Have tried keep putting him back in bed, tried calm tones and reassurance. Teh only thing he wants is for me to stay by hims side. He has also started waking at night for the same reason. I can't stand it!!!!!

CarrieF Fri 12-Jun-09 19:22:08

It is STILL going on for me after about 6 weeks! Am going crazy. How long are these things supposed to go on for?? I also feel very frustrated as putting to bed eats into our evening so by the time she is asleep I too am ready for bed ):

bevlin Mon 15-Jun-09 14:33:30

OK, im about to put myself in the firing line and become very unpopular........Ive never read the no cry sleep solution BUT...what is wrong with a child crying? Apart from it stressing US out of OUR mind and being very unpleasant, it is normal. They won't implode or grow up with personality disorders, they will get over it. Our job (in my very humble opinion) is to teach them to have the confidence to be able to fall asleep on their own, not to confuse them by staying in the obviously very scary dark in the 'must be' very scary room if mummy and daddy are willing to hang around stroking me until they make me fall asleep! My DS had cronic reflux as a baby and was hard to settle then but I wasnt scared to let him cry for a short time before rushing in. He is now 2 and had started screaming the house down recently when I put him to bed for both his nap and bed. Don't get me wrong girls - it is hell, very upsetting, constant tension and lump in throat when I walk out but I do - walk out. I do the same calm routine for bed time, I say the same stuff when I lower him to the cot with a kiss and cuddle and when he jumps up, arms stretched out screaming for me I quickly lie him down and say 'no, bed time, love you, night night' and quickly walk out. I will leave him 10 mins at first then very very quickly walk in lie him down, say bed time and walk. When all of this first kicked off It took about 6/7 journeys into his room, usually 15/20 mins apart after a while but he now goes to bed with no problem. It took 1.5 weeks to turn around but the tricks are routine, persevere and be firm - this way you won't confuse them at all. You will get there and they will be happier and more confident for it. My DS is very happy and secure but im sure some of you think im evil! Im just a stressed when it happens believe me. His naps are still a hit or a miss. He used to always sleep for at least 2 hours at lunch time but since turning 2 he will either have his 2 hours or just scream. I put this down to 1) prob needs to cut nap down a bit now 2) his sunday's with Grandma and grandad - they whip him out his travel cot at their house the moment he sheds a tear! Can't complain they are giving me a break but it just goes to show how quick they are! For this reason im not as strict at nap time, if he is really upset for more than 40 mins then I just give up and get him up as he is being confused at grandma's house. PS Please don't hate me, iam a nice mummy honest!

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