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anyones dcs had illnessetc and seemed different afterwards re behaviour and development etc

(11 Posts)
groundforce Sun 17-May-09 22:47:30

has anyone dc had an illness or bad trauma happened to them and then you've worried and thought they were different developmentally/behaviourally in some way but the dr couldn't find anything wrong [or didn't look]?

any illness,accident,immunisations i mean

and did you feel it was down to your own reading of the situation that made you feel that~upset over the illness,the shock etc?rather than a medical reason?

anyone felt they were needing to check their dc was unaltered by something similar happening to them?

I don't mean those events which have a definite medical cause and were diagnosed at the time such as head injury etc

kitkatqueen Mon 18-May-09 01:29:51

I don't know if this helps or not, but my sisters dc was v v v sick last year. was in HDU on Masses of anibiotics/antivirals. My sister noticed a difference in her developement and was told that they illness / spinal tap / meds would put her developement back TEMPORARILY by about 6 months, but that she would be normal again within the next 3 or so.

Whats happened groundforce? Your post is v vague and sorry, but slightly confusing...blush Although that could easily be me

groundforce Mon 18-May-09 09:33:35

thanks kitkat I wasn't sure what to put as I know some people in rl might recognise details if i put too much.
my dc had an accident then a period of illness that the gp didn't really get to grips with and wasn't referred until later when the signs had gone and it was just my story ,and the paed said it might be the trauma of it rather than a medical cause.It seemed to get better after 6 mos or so but was upsetting as I didn't get to know the cause and therefore "deal" with it in concrete terms.
I wondered if the trauma and confusion of it all resulted in me panicking over his development but deep down I do think there was a problem or those fears would have gone away.

kitkatqueen Mon 18-May-09 12:38:26

Well, it sounds like it might have been a similar sort of situation to my niece then. Fortunatley for my sister she had a full explanation at the time and then watched her dd go back to normal. If someone couldn't give me a concrete answer about one of my kids developements (iykwim) I would be panicking too and would keep looking for anything that might be wrong.

If you are still worried ask yr gp for a general paeds referral so you can speak to someone and try to get a decent response - it sounds like yr gp was a bit slow in sorting this out in the 1st place.sad

groundforce Mon 18-May-09 18:18:04

thanks kitkat I had a paed referral 3 mos after the event when it was all just then down to my story and reading of it and he said he didn't think anything physical was wrong ~ but I didn't really get to include all my story and concerns iykwim and felt I was wasting his time and being ridiculous and anxioussad.So I didn't push it too much ,just accepted his reassurance but still went away feeling something had been not right.
I generally have a long history of being right about things like this though and I feel if all had been well,the fears would have stopped.
Also psychologically it has affected our dynamic because of me worrying we didn't get enough medical attention and feeling I let my dc down,combined with me wanting to see dc developing well.
Its all been rather confusing and sad.

kitkatqueen Mon 18-May-09 21:28:10

groundforce, I know exactly whee you are coming from on the "long history of being right" Some of the arguments I have gotten into with my gp because he refused to believe there was anything wrong with my dc u just would not believe. I've had one dc with surgical emphesema (sp?)and was told to go homehmm erm no we ended up in hdu for the next 24 hrs - don't even want to think about it, it was frighteningsad And with another dc ... Well I would get identified too if I explained and we are so attatched to our anonimity on here grin I only ever get to see the head of practise now, the other gps won't see me, but thats fine it means I always see the same gp. smile

I think your fears haven't stopped because you never got a straight answer over over your dc's illness/accident/developement. I don't think you could have let your dc down with a lack of medical attention. You sound very observant all by yourself and you trust yourself too.

I think what you probably need to do at this point is to take a step back, look at your dc's developmental standard now. If he is ok now then I think you need to forgive yourself because you have nothing to feel guilty for. If there is a problem now you need to get a new opinion on it and still forgive yourself because there are a million people out there who wouldn't have noticed anything in the 1st place. Start tommorow as a new day in the relationship with your dc and stop being so hard on yourself be the mummy that you want to be. You sound like a fabulous mum.smile

groundforce Tue 19-May-09 10:14:18

thanks kitkatqueen ~ what a lovely post smile.
In general terms his development is fine and normal now compared with other dc of the same age.His speech is still a bit stilted and he still searches for words and doesn't remember things, but greatly improved.For a long time it seemed as if you couldn't have a conversation with him[something which we had been able to do since about 15 mos]and I still feel that sometimes ~when he is very quiet or doesn't answer a lot of the time.
The guilt is still there [but not all the time now]wondering whether his development now is as it was in his early years before the event,as it would have been if the event hadn't happened iyswim as his speech,language and communication were very early with a huge vocabulary and easy fluency,also an excellent memory and very quick on the uptake.
I think you are absolutely right that because of confusion and miscommunication and lack of action from the med professionals at the time I felt panicky about what was wrong,then this didn't end ~there was no diagnosis therefore no getting better.
Also it was an awkward age to convince the gp there was a problem as there is quite a variation of ability at that age and dc was previously probably about a year ahead.Also difficult to speak in front of dc.And finally was also feeling panicky about the actual accident.

Please don't think I'm a mad loon because I'm really notgrin

I do think the whole point about this is I wasn't listened to at the right time and although I felt it,didn't want the gp to think I'd lost the plot[she said ~ it's emotional! think if it happened to you! which made me feel I was not looking after his emotional needs in some way!]

kitkatqueen Tue 19-May-09 13:16:58

Groundforce, I don't think u r a loon More I think I would have been the same in your situation. Also I think gps don't realise that what they say to us in a 5 minute consultation can stay with us for a very long time - to be chewed over in the middle of the night!

I think you've finally analysed this down to the crucial point now tho. No-one listened or gave you a straight answer at the time and so you've been holding the uncertainty and stress over your dc's future. He is who and what he is now. If dc's "ok" then at some point you need to let all the uncertainty go. If that means talking to a medical proffesional in that area and forcing them to listen to you then go for it, you might finally get a straight answer. You need some closure over the incident and you're not going to feel right about it all unless you get it.

Sorry if i'm too personal. Or have crossed a line, but I think you need this resolved so you can be at peace about it.

KKQx

groundforce Sun 26-Jul-09 00:04:46

kitkatqueen smiledon't know if you remember me..

I just looked at this thread of mine again as I've been a bit anxious over the last few days about my dc again.

He had a very good end of year report,maths and science being level 3[he is at end of yr 2]which is higher than expected.

That's great but I just can't get used to him being so quiet and unenquiring and am also worried about his speech.

He is very well behaved but as I say very quiet and this makes me anxious.But he may just have developed normallyinto a quieter person,that's who he is?
Or maybe children grow out of that talking all the time that they do when they are little?

It is possible he is coming down with a virus and very tired.

I don't know why I get like this and equally it hardly seems fair to put him through an MRI scan for my possible neuroticism about his development.

Maybe what I am trying to say is,extrapolating from his first five years,i would expect him to be super~articulate whereas his speech now is still worse than it was 3 yrs ago imo.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for,it's just when I get like this I miss the old x and I still have this feeling of loss and worry.

Yet I then immediately see the other side,a great report and no concerns from school and think I am overthinking it.

groundforce Sun 26-Jul-09 00:17:12

anyone with words of wisdom or to tell me about their dcs getting a lot quieter as they get older

kitkatqueen Sun 26-Jul-09 03:03:32

Hi Groundforce, Of course I remember you and the situation.

Did you get a referral from your gp?

I don't think you are neurotic.

I will be about tomorrow...

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