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Would you let your toddler behave like this?

(99 Posts)
ghosty Mon 02-May-05 09:40:43

I had an interesting experience at DS's swimming lesson today ...
It was pretty crowded and I found a place next to another mum to sit and watch. This other mum had a toddler with her who was playing with another child but as soon as he saw me sit in what he thought was 'his' place he lost it and threw a wobbly ...
Now, I am no stranger to wobblies ... have had a toddler AND have an 'almost' toddler ...
BUT this woman said to me, "You are sitting in his place" ... I was a bit gobsmacked as I thought 'Um, who is the adult here?'. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, "I am a grown up and he is a child ... " but what I did was squeeze up a bit so that he could sit between his mum and me ... so then he started climbing all over me ...
He got up and went off ... so I moved away from the lady on the other side of me to give her some space. When he came back he lost it again and the mother looked at me expecting me to move.

Had this been DS I would have first of all told him that that lady was now sitting there but he could sit on my lap OR, if he had continued to be awful I would have taken him to a quiet corner to have his tantrum in peace ... I would not have expected an adult to appease him and move ....

What would you have done?

Oh, by the way ... at some point in the proceedings this little boy took a swimming float and bopped him mum on the head with it ... What did she do? She hit him back, quite hard, on the head with the float and said, "See, it hurts doesn't it?" ... which also shocked me ...

Perhaps I am too precious, I dunno ....

Hermione1 Mon 02-May-05 09:42:12

OMG what a cheek!!

ghosty Mon 02-May-05 09:42:46

BTW ... perfectly normal toddler behaviour ... IMO ... I was just shocked by how the mum dealt with it ..........

Nemo1977 Mon 02-May-05 09:43:43

pmsl o dear...she was in the wrong. If my ds [18mths] had reacted like that then he would also have been in the

LGJ Mon 02-May-05 09:44:22

No you are not precious, I think that children need to learn that sometimes, things don't always go their way.

I am trying to teach DS that adults go through a door first, but looking around I appear to be the only one who believes this.

Mud Mon 02-May-05 09:53:00

actually as an adult if I was sitting with a friend and got up to do something and someone came and took my place I would expect them to move so I could continue to sit with my friends. I don't see how it is any different for a toddler who has an even greater bond to his mother.I think I would have moved seats because you invaded their personal space and caused a toddler to have a tantrum which the mother then had to deal with.

OK the hitting back thing is totally out of order too but by that stage it sounds like the poor mum was totally frazzled

I see your POV but think you are in the wrong in this instance but I wasn't there so am only going by what you posted

bobbybob Mon 02-May-05 09:53:44

Must be something in the air today Ghosty!

expatinscotland Mon 02-May-05 09:55:30

It's a good thing she didn't say that to me! I'd have told her, 'Oh yeah? Well, finders keepers.'

NO WAY I'd have said that to someone if my toddler took the strop over a seat! Hey, the world is full of things we can't have. The sooner she (DD) learns that, the better.

Gobbledigook Mon 02-May-05 09:56:22

I cannot believe she made you move for her toddler - NO WAY!!! I am just flabbergasted!!

No I would not - I'd sit them on my lap and I wouldn't hit them back with a float either! OMG!!!

expatinscotland Mon 02-May-05 09:58:04

And I wouldn't have hit the kid back w/the float, either. The float would have been taken off her (DD). Can't respect others or your own property, well, then you lose your rights to have it/do it.

Gobbledigook Mon 02-May-05 09:58:33

Mud are you serious? This is a toddler, not an adult and there is a difference!! If my toddler was sat next to me and a parent needed a seat I'd automatically offer the seat to the parent and put the toddler on my lap.

ghosty Mon 02-May-05 09:58:45

oooh Mud ...
I am surprised ...
Of course if an adult was sitting there I would have moved ...
And I totally see why the toddler reacted in that way ... who was this woman to sit next to my mummy and nick my place ...
What shocked me is that the mother thought I should move ... (I didn't know the toddler had been sitting there before I sat down ... so I didn't steal his place on purpose) ...
If DS and I were sitting somewhere crowded and an adult turned up without a seat I would insist that my DS came to sit on my lap so that the adult had a seat ... common courtesy really.

Gobbledigook Mon 02-May-05 09:59:39


expatinscotland Mon 02-May-05 10:01:16

I agree, ghosty. I was brought up by a former army drill sergeant. We learned respect for elders fairly quickly. If they don't learn to respect others in the home, how will they learn to respect you? Or themselves for that matter?

expatinscotland Mon 02-May-05 10:03:02

Oh, and if an adult came and 'took my seat' - that didn't have my name on it - I wouldn't really care. It's a seat, ffs, not world peace. I have too much on my mind to worry about petty stuff like a chair.

motherofboys Mon 02-May-05 10:15:44

I agree with ghosty - kids should be respectful of grown-ups - I still am as that was how I was bought up. I can see the kids point of view but as parents we should be helping them to get life in perspective. Sorry Mud you are alone on this one!!

dinosaur Mon 02-May-05 10:17:19

If I was in Ghosty's position I would have offered the toddler his seat back, I have to say.

expatinscotland Mon 02-May-05 10:19:36

Possession is 9/10 of the law.

Mud Mon 02-May-05 10:21:20

yes I would have done the same as dinosaur, but I would also have expected the mother to then say don't be silly and take toddler on her lap. Am really surprised so many people don't share that view.

dinosaur Mon 02-May-05 10:22:57

Yes exactly Mud. That's exactly what I would have done if I'd been the other mother!!

beansmum Mon 02-May-05 10:25:20

I think the mother handled it really badly and the toddler sounds like an absolute terror, but I would still have given up my seat. If he was sitting there first it WAS kind of his place and I hate other peoples children climbing on me, I'd rather stand.

nerdgirl Mon 02-May-05 10:26:59

Actually, I'm with you Mud. Don't see why anyone would feel entitled to the little tikes seat. It's not as if he could sit anywhere else by the pool except in the chair by his mum.

expatinscotland Mon 02-May-05 10:28:50

But ghosty didn't deliberately take 'his' seat. It was crowded and there was a space free. If you're on a crowded bus or train, do you just leave seats empty?

Gobbledigook Mon 02-May-05 10:29:04

Or on her lap.

beansmum Mon 02-May-05 10:32:27

If I was on a crowded train and a child was sitting next to his mum I would expect her to put him on her lap. But if she didn't and he then wandered off I wouldn't take his seat.

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