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seperation anxiety

(11 Posts)
haven Mon 02-May-05 04:51:01

does separation anxiety get worse before better?
i posted before about ds, just seems like he is getting further and further in my bum...
stuck to me like glue....

bobbybob Mon 02-May-05 05:49:46

How old is your ds haven - I can't remember.

ghosty Mon 02-May-05 08:30:32

Worse before better ...
DS was fine until about 14 months ... then got gradually worse until he was 2.5 and then slowly got better. He was still pretty clingy at 3.5 but at 4 was fine ... He is now 5 and a half and wants to walk to school on his own ( ... "over my dead body"' I say to myself!)

psychomum5 Mon 02-May-05 08:49:26

Agree with Ghosty......they do get worse first.

I have five kiddies, and out of that three were 'velcro babies'. Admittedly those were my three 'poorly ones', which probably made it worse, but it is still so draining even if you do know the reason.

With my first 'velcro', she stayed stuck until she was six (she's now 9), and is now really confident about trying new things.
'Velcro 2' is still clingy, but then she has been the most in hospital so I have to give her leeway. She is 6.
'Velcro 3' is dreadful, to the point that no-one can do anything for him......to the stage that if he drops something and someone tries to hand it back, he scream blue murder. He will be 3 in july, and I have no hope of it ending soon. I try not to make a fuss about it tho, as I find that the more I do, the worse they get....to the point that they have to be touching me and that drives me nuts.

If I do the things I know they get anxious about ..ie, they get worried about the thought of others taking tham to the toilet, feeding them and dressing them, then the rest of it they are calm about.
Leaving them is hard, for both of us really as I hate leaving them crying, but I go thro the exact same routine each time, explain to them what they will be doing and at what point I will be back, and they seem much calmer for it. It does till make for a stressful goodbye, but I can guarantee that before I have got into the car and pulled away they have forgotten me!!!! It is as much for effect at times as it is pure clinginess.

Two of mine couldn't care less tho about going places and m doing everything for them.....my eldest daughter and eldest son.....so I know it isn't me as much as personality. OOh, and the fact that they are like their dad......he was the bigest velcro baby.....he cried every first day back to school right up until he was sixteen, and would never sleep away from home until he met me, at 19. I guess it must be inbuilt, but mine have slept away, cos we need us time too, and I need time with my two non-velcro-babies aswell anyway!!!!

ghosty Mon 02-May-05 09:20:29

Absolutely LOVE the term 'velcro baby' ...

Rinkydink Mon 02-May-05 15:01:46

I'm dreading leaving Ds at nursery, he will go in september, when i go back to work. He wont stay with anyone, but me and his dad.
Even at home, if my best mate visits,and i go to the kitchen to make her a drink, he wont stay in the lounge with her, he'll follow me around wanting a 'wuk' (pick up).
Any tips for nursery time?

haven Mon 02-May-05 19:34:40

if you get any...let me know....

Cube Mon 09-May-05 16:51:16

I was going to post a question about separation anxiety and saw this thread.

My DS is 9 1/2 months and started getting really upset when I'm not in sight about a month ago. At home when I have to go to the loo or to the kitchen, he cries until I return. I have recently started attending exercise class to get back into shape. The gym has a creche there. DS hasn't coped at all well being left there and so far he has cried the whole time until I returned. I find it really difficult leaving him crying, and knowing that he will be crying for an hour. But I do feel that it is in the long term good for both of us to be away from each other for a short while. For me, it's a chance to have some time to myself and to get fit again, and I'll be able to take care of DS better if I feel better about myself. For DS, I'm hoping that this will teach him that mummy will return at some point. Or am I being mean leaving him crying?

Also, is there anything I can do to ease the anxiety?

mummylonglegs Mon 09-May-05 17:00:00

Message deleted

haven Mon 09-May-05 22:12:14

ds has never stopped being clingy... i like it because it makes me feel important to him but....on the other hand....i can't go anywhere. i don't have a life outside of him. i don't even get dressed on some days because i figure hell where am i gonna go...i think sometimes about letting him cry it out, but with some of his issues it wouldn't be right...i just feel like i am letting him dowm...your children are supposed to know that you are there for them...maybe...some just figure it out quicker...but if anyone has any ideas on how i might get to go trim my hair, or do my nails or use the "potty" alone i will be eternaly grateful...

patkica Wed 01-Jun-05 12:39:32

I recently posted a simialr message so was glad to find this one. The fact that the topic comes up over and over again shows that it is really common. My 18 month DS went to nursery at 9 months and was babysat by a variety of people and was always happy. he never once cried when being left until he tunrd about 13 months. Since then clinginess has come and gone and it's bad at the moment. he cires blue murder when leave the room, let alone the house. My only advice is to simply keep leaving, give them a kiss, don't act nervous and guilty in front of them and keep telling yourself that it will pass. Whatever you do, don't give in or go back once you;ve said goodbye. This simply teaches them that if they cry enough, you'll give in. We found that leaving him for short periods at first an playing lots of peekaboo really helped. BTW, I never breadtfed him.

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