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4yr old telling grown ups to "GO AWAY" - it's driving me mental

(7 Posts)
suzywong Fri 29-Apr-05 08:36:42

ds1 just turned 4.
Been telling everyone he gets in a strop with to go away, oh let me see, since ds2 was born 19 months ago. We've asked him not too, told him emphatically not to do it, sent him to his room and Lord help me I've bollocked and walloped him for it.

I took cakes in to his Kindergarten for his birthday, everything was cool then he got tired and stroppy, told me to go away. I asked him to repeat himself and he knew better to say he hadn't said anything, which I accept as a withdrawal, then the classroom assistant got involved and made hime apologise to me. Then just at the gate another parent spoke to him " Hi ds1 have you had a birthday" he yells GO AWAY, I lose the plot and go off on one in front of all the other mums and wallop him when het gets in the car.

At home I sent him to his room and told him his rude behaviour had spoiled the day and he had to stop it and apologise to the Kindergarten mum the next time we see her. He stewed and howled and sobbed for 10 minutes and then said he was sorry.

How how how can I make him stop doing this, he is a cheery happy friendly little boy but when he gets tired or when adults he doesn't really know or he hasn't wanted to speak to him do speak to him he starts this malarky.

Of course I 'm really furious I lost my temper in front of the other mums, they will think I 'm a witch.

Sorry this is a long rambley rant, don't really expect any replies

Marina Fri 29-Apr-05 09:00:44

We had a lot of this with ds, and although different little boys manifest it in different ways, I think your little man is getting his Kevin the Teenager testosterone surge. Some hit, some sulk, some shout...some little charmers do all three at various times.
I know you say he's been prone to this for the last year and a half, but...given that he is now old enough to start to understand why this is not acceptable, I think he is sticking to a form of confrontation that gets him attention and allows him to vent an aggression that he doesn't understand and can't handle very well.
We all lose it with our children sometimes Suzy, if they think you are a bad mum then I guarantee you they are 100% hypocrites on this.
Is there anything you think you could try to boost the amount of rest/sleep he gets? Tiredness really does play havoc with their ability to control their moods. I did also make a conscious effort to limit the amount of sugary food he had around this age too ("step AWAY from the brownies ds"), as I noticed this was like chucking paraffin on a bonfire.
We used to yell at ds too quite frequently, when he really was being impossible. I will admit that in the hope it makes you feel a bit better Suze .
Reading "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" helped us to realise that shouting never helps anyone, but it's not an easy lesson to digest quickly and changing how you react takes time.
The other thing is that once we stopped shouting we did notice a shortening in length and drop in level of the arguments. It does work.
Cheer up though, he could have said "F*ck off you JESUS" like the dear little twins in Supernanny the other night.

mrsflowerpot Fri 29-Apr-05 09:20:44

I've got one of those at the moment too.

He's always been, er, strong willed but just lately he's become really rude and cheeky. His speciality currently is 'you STUPID person', with his little face contorted in fury. He has recently expanded this from the confines of home to nursery and I was recently taken aside about it after lunch club .

It has started like this in the last two months or so, and it's turned me into horrible shouting mummy too. We've made being rude the number one offence in our house for the time being (given that we seem to be over the hitting phase for the time being), but he just seems to be in time out semi-permanently.

It always cheers me up to see someone else say about the testosterone rush as sometimes I feel like I'm hiding behind that excuse from the fact that he's just a little toad.

suzywong Fri 29-Apr-05 15:04:58

thanks for the replies, am greatly cheered up that your kids do it too, it's a tough age isn't Mrs F. And yes thank goodness they aren't hitting. You have a good point about them not being able to handle their emotions and after I've yelled at him for this it is precisely that which makes me feel bad.

Had a long chat about it with wise nd measured dh this evening and have resolved not to shout, of course it has a knock on effect. Will try dropping my voice to an unearthly hush not making eye contact

PMSL laughing about F off you Jesus! Worst one I ever heard, in Hyde Park one summer's days was " You muderous C" said by brother to sister. Wonder where they got that from?

WideWebWitch Fri 29-Apr-05 17:08:54

Hi Suzywong, ooh I had a tough 4yo ds too. I've posted all my strategies on other threads, I'll see if I can find them for you. Sod the other mums, they will definitely have lost it too at some point in their lives unless they are pod people or not real.

WideWebWitch Fri 29-Apr-05 17:25:35

Stuff I posted and advice from others here and something to make you laugh (I hope!)here, scroll down to 'Grocery Store Tantrum'

fuzzywuzzy Fri 29-Apr-05 17:45:36

WWW that was the funniest ad I've ever seen!!! (Mind you I dont have a TV)......

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