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How important is 'socialising'; for a one-yr-old really?

(29 Posts)
Pruni Thu 28-Apr-05 20:15:50

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SenoraPostrophe Thu 28-Apr-05 20:21:04

well dd started nursery at 18 months, ds at 9 months (he's 15 months now). Both are just as likely to hit/bite as the other

Really I don't think it makes any differnece. there are things they learn at nursery (like how to say "mine") but there huge advantages to having a SAHM too. Pointless feeling guilty whatever decision you've made.

LIZS Thu 28-Apr-05 20:25:00

Think it is overrated myself. With ds I did a couple of groups/activities per week and met our antenatal friends and babies very 2 weeks, and, a creche from about 2 then started a nursery school when he was 2 yrs 9 months. dd had slightly less opportunity to attend structured activities and didn't really enjoy Mums and Tots groups (clingy, sensitive to noise and boisterousness) but started playgroup at 2 and has thrived.

I find it slightly odd that people don't feel their tots will socialise and "make" friends if they are the ones supervising but are happy to let effective strangers at nursery do so instead.

Gobbledigook Thu 28-Apr-05 20:27:38

I agree - what is it with people nowadays that they think nursery is the answer to everything?! It won't make their child the worlds most sociable, outgoing and confident one in the world and it won't make them super brainy either.

Yes, they learn lots of things there but no more than they do out of nursery doing activities with Mum, siblings, friends or just playing on their own.

Children who don't go to nursery are not going to end up quivering wrecks! Sheesh!

expatinscotland Thu 28-Apr-05 20:45:48

let's look at it this way: there didn't used to be pre-school until the 60s and 70s. or 'playgroups'. kids just went to school at 6 and 'socialised'. tbh, i don't think it really starts to matter until they're about 3. they can't really play with other kids before that.

handlemecarefully Thu 28-Apr-05 23:14:19

No I don't think they are right - it won't affect child's ability to socialise and make friends later.

However, undoubtedly one year olds (I have one and an older child) do gain a lot from watching and spending time with other children. This doesn't have to be a Nursery though!

handlemecarefully Thu 28-Apr-05 23:15:11

expatinscotland,

My dd has been playing with other kids since she turned two (i.e. involving them in her games)

MarsLady Thu 28-Apr-05 23:17:41

The most important aspect of socialising a one year old is this.............

mum needs to get out and meet people before she explodes (or implodes) with boredom.


It's all about the mother socialising, absolutely nothing to do with the child. I introduced DS1 to a boy that he "played" with when he was one. He didn't recognise or remember him. Surprise, surprise!

handlemecarefully Thu 28-Apr-05 23:25:58

I don't believe that they play with each other in any true sense of the word, but they do observe and show interest in each other at that age. At least my one year old does and his sister did before them. Unless I have precocious unusually gifted children?

bobbybob Fri 29-Apr-05 03:35:26

Much more important to see lots of stuff I reckon. Ds goes to nursery (2 afternoons a week from 20 months)which has helped with social skills (like sitting a a table, saying please and thank you etc.) However I would hate for him to be there all the time and hardly ever get to go to the park, the library, the post office, the corner shop, the animal park which have miles more opportunity for socialising. Ds knows all librarians, post office clerks and animal keepers within a 10 mile radius of the house. He is very social.
Tell your friends to chill. They are their babies best friend and teacher right now, and then should enjoy it. Soon their children will be picking their own friends.

ruty Fri 29-Apr-05 09:00:09

what i don't get is there is a new study out saying that the children with the best protection against childhood leukemia are those that went to day care`centres under three months old. Who on earth sends their babies to day care`centres under three months old?
I'm only now geting organised to go out to classes and drop in centres with my 7 and a half month old. Don't know if he appreciates it or not!

expatinscotland Fri 29-Apr-05 09:11:41

Ruty
Many Americans regularly send their kids to day care centres under 3 months old b/c many of them do not get much - if any - paid maternity leave.

My DD goes to playgroup so her dad can get a break. She goes with her nan, who goes b/c her husband works in the church where it's held and she gets to blether with her mates there.

For one years old, though, I seriously doubt it's gonna turn them into anti-social saddos who can't make friends if they don't 'socialise'. Gimme a break! Some people are always going to be more 'social' than others just by their nature. Just as some kids are more observant than others.

ruty Fri 29-Apr-05 11:24:56

didn't know that expat, not being judgemental, just thought it was unusual. far as i know study in uk only.

Gobbledigook Fri 29-Apr-05 11:27:37

hmc - ds2 is 2 and definitely 'plays with' other children - we were at friends yesterday and they were definitely playing as a group (3 4yr old and 3 2yr olds) - no question of it.

I wonder if that's because they've all known each other since birth and see each other 3-4 times a week?

JoolsToo Fri 29-Apr-05 11:35:51

only one of my 3 went to any kind of 'nursery' or pre-school group and that last one because I was one of the 3 people who ran it and he was about 2/3 yrs old!

They played 'out' with friends when able but we didn't really have coffee mornings or mothers meet ups or go to each others houses. Other than that their first formal mixing with other children was school.

They have all turned out to be sociable, aimiable and outgoing adults.

So I suppose I'm saying I don't think its that important for 1 year olds to 'socialise'

FLUM Fri 29-Apr-05 11:39:13

My 1 year old spends most of time with adults and is very friendly. Has met other babies/children a total of about 10 times ever. Don't go to any groups or anything as work full time and granny looks after baby.

Granny can't stand the baby groups due to the incessent mummy chatter and competitiveness!!

darlingbud Fri 29-Apr-05 11:40:55

I think that its important they have some sort of social interaction. My dd goes to toddlers twice a week (and we have gone since she was 3 weeks old) and we meet up with friends at play centres occasionally. A friend of mine has a 3 year old who has never done anything but go to his grans during the day and the odd trip to a play centre.
You can really tell the difference in his social interaction compared to my dd at 2.
He doesn't really have many "friends" and has never had a birthday party as his is the same day as his grandads and so they have family lunches instead.

FLUM Fri 29-Apr-05 11:50:04

a family lunch is a birthday party though!! I like kids who spend alot of time with adults though as they are usually very polite and well behaved (mini adults? hee hee)

WideWebWitch Fri 29-Apr-05 11:52:24

Haven't read other responses but imo it's not at all important at that age, good lord no! All they want is mummy/daddy/carer, cuddles, food, a bit of fresh air, some attention. My 18mo doesn't go to any groups (mainly because I don't want to!) but is a very happy girl. We do see other children in the park and when we see friends and I tihnk that's fine, she doens't NEED a social life as such yet!

darlingbud Fri 29-Apr-05 11:53:18

I'm not saying I don't like him - he is polite but so is my dd and other children I know who spend time with other children. I want my child to be a child and not a "mini adult". Too many children try to grow up too fast too soon these days.

Donbean Fri 29-Apr-05 12:05:53

For me it is the guilt factor of not doing stuff with ds.
This is a huge thing to me.
I havent put him in nursery at all, he is 21 months. I agonised over this decision, however i concluded that something that made me feel so very uncomfortable cant be right...for me.
I cant bear to be parted with him.

Come September he will be ready for nursery and i feel ready to let him go on his own for a couple of hours.
This will be good for him and good for me.
We have a busy week where we have play dates, go to soft play at the local gymn, swimming,play group and generally mix with other children.
The children we mix with of his age, some go to nursery, some dont, have all reached social milestones at around the same age. To me this is evidence that ds is in no way stunted from his lack of independant socialisation.

darlingbud Fri 29-Apr-05 12:08:33

DD doesn't have independent socialising. she socialises with friends where I go with her. I hate too to be parted from her. She is due to go to playschool in June and then half day nursery next January. I will feel awful for letting her go without me but I know if will be good for her and will help introduce her to the disciplines that she will be faced with at school.

Donbean Fri 29-Apr-05 12:10:05

I know what you me Darlingbud. Thought i was a bit of a freak with the not wanting to part with ds, obviously im not alone with this thought. Thankyou.

Gobbledigook Fri 29-Apr-05 12:14:39

Donbean - wholeheartedly agree with your post! I did/do exactly the same as you. Ds's didn't go to any sort of nursery until they turned 2 and then they only went for 2 mornings working up gradually so that ds1 now does 5 mornings but he's in his pre-school year now starting reception in Sept. Ds2 is 2.5 and he goes 3 mornings but only started in Jan.

Believe me they have not suffered and you are not the only one who didn't want to be parted from their baby! I went back to work for about 2 weeks after have ds1 but putting him in nursery killed me - I felt sick leaving him there everyday and very soon realised it was not for us

FLUM Fri 29-Apr-05 12:16:36

mmmm fob my dd off on anyone who'll 'ave er. love her to bits but the full time thing wears me down!

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