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Accusation from other parents

(9 Posts)
kkgirl Wed 27-Apr-05 16:33:42

I don't know whether to post here or under Parenting.
Anyway just want an opinion on the following, feel mad about it, but am I overeacting?

My son and daughter were playing down the road, two nights ago. My son was in a den with four other boys aged between 10 and 13, digging around in the dirt with sticks etc. My daughter was with two boys and a girl from school they are all about 9.
After school last night a mum asked me if I was DD's mum and then said that my ds had been saying rude things, which were inappropriate and had frightened her son by threatening him with a stick which meant her son couldn't sleep. The mum knows my dd and although she doesn't know where we live, it wouldn't have been that hard to find out.
Anyway the mum had been into school and seen the secretary which resulted in the headmistress calling my son in without my knowledge and talking to him, which has really annoyed me. The mum also called another local school asking if they had boys called * and *.
I agreed I would be talking to my son, who is adamant that he didn't do any of the things, I'm sure all the kids will say this, but its her sons word against mine. We talked about how you should behave and respect each other and play nicely etc.
I took my son to see the mum in question after school and although she was ok about it, I still feel that she is pinning it on my son, she hasn't contacted two of the other boys' parents, even though I have told her where they live, she is going to phone the school again and ask them to write to the parents.
I told her that I would give her my phone number and address and that if any of my kids were causing any problems she could ring me, I don't want her contacting the school any time there is a problem between the children.

I have come home really upset, and resentful that my son seems to be taking all the flak, and if anything happens again will she assume its him.

Rant over, just feel really bad about it all.

tarantula Wed 27-Apr-05 16:42:57

Hi kkgirl but firstly if its outside school then the school really shouldnt have anythign to do with it so I think the women is out of order to involve the school and thehead should have said that is nothing that they can do. I think that you need to speak to the head about this and be quite firm about the fact that you are sorting this.
But secondly with regards to this women it is a very dificult sitution and I think you have handled it quite well. It might be a good idea to speak to the mums of the other boys who were out playing and explain what is going on so that they all know about.

Apart from that not sure what you can do really except suggest to yor son that he avoids playing with thsi child as much as possible.

Sorry not much help really and tbh I think this mum is abit OTT. Hopefullysomeone will be along soon with better ideas

mamadadawahwah Wed 27-Apr-05 16:46:13

Wow, sounds like this woman dosent like you or your son and is trying to tarnish your name and his before you even get a chance to say anything. Why did she jump the gun i wonder. Pretty immature thing to do. Its like she is spreading gossip etc, to make sure she is believed before you are, if you even get a chance that is.

You sure went round it the right way. I hope your up frontedness put her off guard. You cant hide from the truth and it sounds like this woman may have some "problems".

lockets Wed 27-Apr-05 17:00:46

Message withdrawn

kkgirl Wed 27-Apr-05 17:16:49

Thanks for your support, guys. This is upsetting me so much, I really feel so cross and also I hate bad feeling.
DH has just come in and he is livid that this woman is accusing DS without any proof, and is contacting schools.
We are going to write to the headmistress, possibly copying it to LEA so that it will be on record.
The trouble is I don't want the kids to go down there anymore, cos I think she is going to moan every time there is any little thing going on.

Prufrock Wed 27-Apr-05 22:07:37

kkgirl - whilst I do think that this woman has handled it badly, I do think that in real cases of bullying between children who are at the same school the school should be aware of, and helping to deal with the issue, whether the incident occurs in or out of school. And if the other mother doesn't know you, she may have felt more comfortable bringing it up at school than directly to you. It doesn't necessarily mean that she, or the school, feels that your son is the problem here, just that her son had a problem and she is trying to sort it.

kkgirl Wed 27-Apr-05 22:29:30

Unfortunately the incident has spiralled badly out of control. I thought it best to tell my children to stay away from where this boy lives and told them to go to the other end of the path where they could build another den.
Anyway apparently the mum went for another of the boys, and his parents went down and told her that they would call the police if she threatened him again. My son walked along the path and the boy ran in and told his mum, so she came out and asked this other boy where he lived and started ranting at him, so much that he cried, so his parents went down.
I have told mine to keep away, play elsewhere, as I think this woman has gone completely over the top, ok the boy was upset, but it was a minor incident, and could have been dealt with amicably between the parents and kids, now everyone is upset and resentful.

I am writing to the school putting my sons' story, after all the mum didn't see anything, its her sons word against everyone elses.

Happy days!!

suedonim Thu 28-Apr-05 13:58:27

Good grief - is she mad? I think this woman was off-limits to go to the school, it's nothing to do with them what children do in their spare time. It sounds like she has a real problem of some sort. If she doesn't want her child to particpate in the rough and tumble of outdoor play then maybe she should keep him indoors, then the rest of the children can play without all this nonsense.

Gobbledigook Thu 28-Apr-05 14:08:32

But hang on, what does it have to do with the school when it's out of school hours? I'd go mental if the teachers were asked to get involved in something that happened on an evening out in the street!

And she appears to be seriously over reacting - perhaps she should restrict her child to her own back garden if he can't cope with being out with other kids.

It's how kids are, it's life and it doesn't sound a jot like bullying to me - just normal behaviour.

God, what is the world coming to - this wouldn't have happened when I was a kid.

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