painfully shy and scared of everything 4yr old boy....HELP

[dizzywizzy]

In the house my boy will chat for hours,but outside he will not speak,wave or smile at anyone. He also does not chat to anyone of his friends. We recently went to a birthday party and he was terrified of going into the soft area!!
Please help because he is coming across has being v ignorant to other people and not at all adventerous. Yet in the house he his such a lovely, happy talkitive boy.

[saadia]

My ds is also quite shy intially when he goes anywhere, and at home is a really bubbly, lively, inquisitive and generally fun.

It takes him a while to warm to people. I have found the best thing is to gently encourage him, and to teach him by example but at the same time keep reassuring him.

So, for example, when we go anywhere, he will first of all stay really close to me but I just keep talking (babbling) "look at this...look at that...isn't that nice (pretty meaningless), but also I try to talk to other kids if there are any and engage them and try to stay relaxed. My theory is that kids pick up on how their parents are with others and they kind of follow that example. I am naturally shy and find it difficult to appear confident, but since I've realised that this could have a negative effect on ds, I've tried myself to be really friendly and relaxed. I don't know if maybe that applies to you as well. But in any case, I think the thing is to keep taking him places and gently encouraging him to try and get involved, then hopefully he will enjoy playing and talking with other kids as well.

[dizzywizzy]

Thanks saadia. I know that i am not relaxed even though i try to act like i am! I was shy as a child but i do find it easy to talk to people now. it as took me thirty years though!!!! There is some good tips there and i will try them out. You have hit the nail on the head, because he is like this i tend to avoid places and this is probaly making him worse! Thanks again

[crescent]

Dizzyw, don't know if this is any help but my son, now all grown up, was a big worry to me in a similar way to your ds. My first child was a very sociable girl (still is )so his total refusal to socialise outside his own house was a shock. I used to buy expensive birthday presents for his friends as I always had to make an excuse about him not wanting to attend birthday parties! And he regularly used to say "When can we go home?" two mins after arriving at people's houses, very embarrassing!
He also used to say, "I won't leave home, mummy, I'll just live with you"
Now many years later - he is the one living 3000 miles away with his wife and child, and my daughter is just round the corner.
I did think my own shyness in those days (not now!) may have contributed, but then why was my daughter ok?

[dizzywizzy]

Cresent,Thank you. Thats exactly what i do know!!! The worrying thing is I really don't want my little d to move 3000 miles away when older!![SHOCK]

[crescent]

Don't think the moving abroad is compulstory, Dizzyw
But honestly I would never have imagined that he would turn into the confident person he now is, so I think, be encouraging, but don't push him, he'll get there as long as you stay positive.