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DS is such a bad loser..... I'm worried

(10 Posts)
Legacy Sat 16-Apr-05 14:40:34

My DS is 5 and has always been sharp, bright, spoke early, finds most things easy to master and is therefore impatient and gets frustrated when he can't do something.

However on the physical side he was slow to develop, is big for his age, and clumsey, and has not taken to sport particularly well.

DH is keen to encourage him, and we know some of the boys play football at school, but it seems he never joins in. I think they probably don't want to play with him because he's such a bad loser.

For example, I've just witnessed the following situation - we went down to the park with him and DS2 (3) to have a bit if a kick around. First of all DS1 was happy to kick it back and forth, but as soon as DH or I kicked the ball past him or 'tackled' him to get it he just stropped off in a huff saying we 'weren't playing properly'. In the end we just gave up and I ended up getting so angry and worked up about it.
Is this normal?
We've had loads of conversations about he mustn't just give up, and how 'life isn't always fair' and how you have to go after what you want.
But he really IS just a complete prima donna at times.

Honestly, I'm at my wits end about it...
Any ideas?

QueenEagle Sat 16-Apr-05 14:57:05

He wants the kick-about to go according to his plan, and clearly can't cope when it doesn't. If he strops off, let him and carry on the game with your younger son, make a fuss when you score and praise your younger ds whe he tackles and gets the ball off you, clapping, cheering him, that sort of over the top thing. This may have the desired effect of drawing him back into the game - if it does, keep it low key and praise him in the same way. An idea may be to take the pressure off by not making it competetive, but just a time to be silly together.

I overheard a football coach say that if a child shows this kind of competetiveness then it's a sign they will go on to achieve what they want because they have that desire to win. Give him time, he's very very young yet.

At 6 my ds1 had no desire whatsoever to do any sport. He's now 11, plays for my local town team, is top goalscorer and as competetive as you can get. Oh and my son is the ultimate bad loser too!

cod Sat 16-Apr-05 15:00:20

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QueenEagle Sat 16-Apr-05 15:00:40

Try not to push your son into doing sport just because it's what your dh wants. If they're not sporty then they're good at somethng else. Try getting your dh to join a local pub team if he's that competetive.

cod Sat 16-Apr-05 15:01:16

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roisin Sat 16-Apr-05 15:14:28

I thought you'd posted he was much better now Cod? Or was that just the writing at school?

Legacy Sat 16-Apr-05 15:25:23

Cod - what should I search under, or do you have any thread links (I DID look before posting!)

cod Sat 16-Apr-05 15:28:52

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cod Sat 16-Apr-05 15:33:14

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PotPourri Tue 19-Apr-05 23:43:49

Legacy. My nephew is a terrible loser, he is also really intelligent and a good all rounder. The one piece of advice I woudl give you is not to find it funny. I sit back in amazement about how my entire family finds it funny and panders to his need to win. I personally think it is teaching him that he can be rude and worry for him that he will grow up to be obnoxious. It doesn't help that I know someone who is a terrible loser and the most rude man I have ever met.

I think making a fuss of him for good things, and ignoring the boad beahviour as much as possible might help him realise that there is a better reward that just winning IYSWIM

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