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Is choosing NOT to smack undermining my authority?

(3 Posts)
amyntomsmummy Fri 15-Apr-05 21:44:47

dd (now 4) and to a certain extent ds(2) for some reason or the other, lately seem to be goin bonkers with me in the house despite firm convetional disciplinary tactics e.g. time out, bottom step, rational talking to (which all do sometimes work)...
Ive always gone by the thought that i'd rather die than ever see any of my kids go through pain, so smacking to me was a NONO! And this has been despite many times when the temptation to lay my hand upon a few little bottoms has been great! I would only beleive in smacking the bottom though, (never damagable hands, legs,arms...)
dh is a bit of a smacker when he needs to be but I feel this is sometimes the only thing the kids seem to respond to and dh has a MUCH bigger grip on the kids behaiviour than I do. I feel with me,
especially with my daughter, she feels that mummy is powerless because she never has a detering last resort. I.e. my authority is being undermined because I dont smack.
After long thinking I think that im right not to want to put my child through 'real pain' but I feel that a little discomfort on the cute, soft thing she sits on, is really not 'pain' but instead might probably be good for her in the long term.
Have others felt that they are powerless to their children unless they become as firm as I am thinking? Tell me your thoughts pls xxx

Caligula Fri 15-Apr-05 21:52:42

Yes, I felt that for a while maybe about a year ago. I felt that I hadn't really got enough control over the kids, and everyone around me was encouraging me to smack them.

So I did. And after about a month, what I found, was that their behaviour was no better than when I didn't smack them. So I borrowed the Christopher Green book, Positive Parenting, from the library, and I signed up for a parenting course. This was extremely helpful as it made me realise that I hadn't been as consistent as I thought I was being previously.

Now the kid's behaviour is much much better, and I feel far more confident and sure of myself as a parent and my discipline methods. Have you thought of doing a parenting course? I made some very nice friends from it, and I really enjoyed it. It was well worth the effort.


vv2005 Fri 15-Apr-05 22:58:36

Ive already posted a post on the copy of this thread above but i will just repeat my point here.
You must find a way to work with your dh and make sure that your little ones dont ride over you.
You can try that in a number of ways, even smacking.
Im sorry but a mums hand on a childs bottom is nothing mad and is really quite normal and effective when used properly.
gd luck!

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