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18month old being bullied...PLEASE HELP

(8 Posts)
cutemum Wed 13-Apr-05 14:26:07

My 18 month old is constantly having his hair pulled and being hit/pushed/toys grabbed from and now toys thrown at him by my best friends 16 month old, we are next door neighbours so we see each other every day. My main problem is that my toddler is now becoming nervous/clingy and rather timid whenever my friend comes round. After EVERY visit my son always has a bruise or a scratch and I'm finding it difficult to keep my temper with my friend..My friends phillosophy is that my toddler should toughen up but I feel that her son shold learn to keep his hands to himself. I know this is probably a phase that he is going through but in the mean time it is my son who is always on the recieving end! PLEASE HELP

bossykate Wed 13-Apr-05 14:30:47

unfortunately at 18m and 16m respectively neither "toughening up" nor learning to "keep his hands to himself" are realistic options, imo.

my advice would be to reduce contact as much as possible and to extricate your child from harm's way the moment it looks like kicking off.

i know you must be v. annoyed by this - your friend's attitude would wind me up also - but since 16m is really too young to know any better, it will be up to you and/or your friend to keep an eye on things and separate and distract them as necessary. if your friend won't do it it will be up to you.

good luck.

throckenholt Wed 13-Apr-05 14:31:13

I think you have to make sure you tell the bully that whatever he is doing is not right (regardless if mum is there or not). Make sure you give lots of attention to your ds.

At 16/18 months they don't know any better but - as adults you have to show them what is not allowed. I think if your friend won't do this then they will probably not be invited to many places.

piffle Wed 13-Apr-05 14:33:42

reduce contact if poss, I am in same position my dd 29 mths runs and hides and blocks her ears and cries when neighbours son of same age comes round, tbh he's not rough but just a very physical boy and very loud and dd is very calm and quiet.
So we mix with younger kids instead. If contact is not able to be cut out then just be really vigilant and ask your friend for more help and to watch her son more closely in order to allow your son to gain confidence.
I say that as mum to an 11y0 ds who still has not toughened up! Keep em sensitive!

cutemum Wed 13-Apr-05 14:36:06

thanks bossykate and throckenholt I'll just be peacemaker until things settle down.

cutemum Wed 13-Apr-05 14:38:17

cheers for the advise piffle. I also have a 7yo dd who is very sensitive and a pure pleasure!

Kidstrack2 Wed 13-Apr-05 22:56:32

Oh the wee soul that is a shame, been through similar when my son was about that age, my neighbour had two boys one eight months older than my ds and the other eight months younger which meant there was only 14 months between my neighbous boys and they used to kick and punch my ds whenever they felt like it, and to top it off thier mum was so laid back she was horizontal. In the end my son was scared of them, and when my neighbour brought the boys round one day and they played for a bit then one of them hit my ds. I stood up and said NO HIT KIERAN, NOT NICE my neighbour looked at me but never said anything and if she had done, I would have had to have told her that my son wasn't her sons human punchbag, and from that day on it was me who told the boys not to hit my ds I just repeated my self every other day. And to this day the boys are aged 6, 5 and 5 and my neighbour still doesn't disiplin her kids its me.

halcat Thu 14-Apr-05 11:00:10

That's really tough cutemum, and I have to say that I think your friend is being rubbish. Your son shouldn't have to toughen up at all, hers should be taught not to hit.

I reckon it's definitely up to her to stop his bad behaviour, especially if you've told her it bothers you, and if she won't I agree with the others that you should maybe not see so much of them for a while (but that's tough on you too).

My best mate's little boy had a phase of nicking all my dd's toys, literally EVERY time she picked something up, even a scrap of paper or something he would snatch it, but his mum was very firm with him about it so I didn;t mind so much, and he has grown out of it now.

Good luck though.

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