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"Ownership"; - its out of control!

(20 Posts)
ElfOnTheTopShelf Sun 22-Feb-09 22:42:21

DD turned three in October. She's lovely, funny, bright and amazing. She is, however, very possessive. Mostly it is me, she doesn't like any other children sitting on my knee, sometimes she gets upet if DH sits next to me, when she's tried she can get a little fed up and shout at dh "dont look at my mummy!" If I am talking to somebody, and she wants my attention, she'll pinch me.

She is starting to be the same with the cm, esp with regards to pinching on the legs.

how do I best tackle this?

CarGirl Sun 22-Feb-09 22:45:07

Does she respond to time out?

I would suggest for the pinching (after having told her this btw) she is immediately placed in a buggy/time out place where she will contained and get zero response or attention for having done it.

Of course that could completely back she would temporarily get your attention.

mawbroon Sun 22-Feb-09 22:48:04

Dunno Elf, but if it helps, nobody is allowed to do anything for ds just now except me.

Even at 4am when I took him into our bed he was shouting Daddy, go away, daddy go away. hmm

It's a phase. This too will pass....

divedaisy Sun 22-Feb-09 22:49:09

When she pinches you scream as if she has really hurt you. Pretend to cry etc. Then tell her she hurt you. this worked with ds. Speak to her about it too let her realise her actions can cause pain and are not acceptable to you.
As for your DH looking at you - I would put her on time out for her being cheeky (or whatever word you want to use)

ElfOnTheTopShelf Sun 22-Feb-09 22:49:28

We do put her on time out for really bad behaviour (which is mostly a result of her being too tired) but not very often. She tends to pinch outside of the home so I find it difficult to action time out (we dont use a buggy anymore).

CarGirl Sun 22-Feb-09 22:50:58

seriously if you think it would work take a buggy with you!! My dd doesn't use a buggy anymore but the threat of it doesn't half make sure she behaves on the school run, same with the trolly in the supermarket!

ElfOnTheTopShelf Sun 22-Feb-09 22:58:22

the pinching drives me mad, so I can see why the cm is getting a little frustated. I have told the cm to use time out which she is going to do this week if it continues.
God help her when dh and I have another - if she cannot have five minutes of one of the children at the cm sitting on my knee, how will she cope with a sibling?!

CarGirl Sun 22-Feb-09 22:59:43

What does she say when you talk to her about it? Perhaps you need to actually increase the amount of time she has to share you? You could give rewards for not pinching - 15 minute blocks of time or something?

ElfOnTheTopShelf Sun 22-Feb-09 23:05:59

When I pick her up from the cm, if another child sits on my knee, she'll get upset / try to push them off saying "my mummy". I explain to her that its okay, that x is just sitting on my knee for a minute, but she doesn't seem to want to respond. We walk home, and I'll ask her why she did x, and say it isn't very nice, that I'm her mummy and I love her, and there is nothing wrong with somebody else sitting on my knee etc, but she still doesn't want to talk about it iyswim

ElfOnTheTopShelf Sun 22-Feb-09 23:08:43

mawbroon - how the devil are you!

DD is the same, if she cries at night, DH cannot go in to settle her (or anybody else who may be in the house, for eg if my sister is over) excpt me, and she'll scream like a banshee.

I have "cried" when she pinches me, but she ends up crying and saying she is sorry, but then does the same thing again!

CarGirl Sun 22-Feb-09 23:09:13

Can you help her label her feelings as & when it happens "you don't want to share your Mummy!", "You've missed it being just us today?" that kind of thing.

ElfOnTheTopShelf Sun 22-Feb-09 23:13:22

I will try it with her next time. When we watch films together, I'll her questions about whether she thinks such and such is sad or happy, and then why they are feeling like that (Beauty and the Beast is her favourite at the minute!) so she seems to be able to identify feelings, but not say her own!

She's always been a mummies girl, she just seems to be going through an even worse stage.

CarGirl Sun 22-Feb-09 23:16:18

Has anything changed in her life like going to pre-school, is she off to school in September? Just wondered if something is making it more important to her at the moment.

mawbroon Sun 22-Feb-09 23:20:43

I'm fine thanks Elf. And you? Apart from this!!

We talk about feelings a lot but DS only truly seems to be able to identify happy and sad in himself.

Have you tried pre-empting (never know how to spell it!!) her behaviour. For example, just before you take another child on to your knee, tell dd that you are going to do it, and ask her if she is going to pinch or not pinch. Hopefully she will say not pinch, and I find with ds that something about having said it himself often stops him doing the behaviour because it is fresh in his mind. Sometime I will say something like "I don't want you to do xyz" and he says "I won't" and he never does it when he says "I won't"

Are you thinking about a sib yet Elf? I remember you saying that you were going to leave it a while.

ElfOnTheTopShelf Sun 22-Feb-09 23:26:11

MB - we're thinking of trying for another later this year (scary!) but am a little worried how she will handle it!

CG - nothing has changed recently. DH has been working away with his job, but nothing has changed re me and DD / our time together etc. There are more children at the cm's so I dont know if that is why she is more fussy there at the moment

CarGirl Sun 22-Feb-09 23:27:21

Perhaps it's just because your DH has been away - so she's had you all to herself............

ElfOnTheTopShelf Sun 22-Feb-09 23:29:26

Maybe. I will see how she goes over the next few days and try to pre-empt and tackle. I'll report back on here!!
Am off to bed now, thanks for the posts

MB - I'll catch up on the Oct threads tomorrow night & see what you're up to

mawbroon Tue 24-Feb-09 19:13:46

Did you manage to try any of the ideas Elf?

ponto Tue 24-Feb-09 21:30:17

Hi Elf, just seen your thread and wanted to say that we had a very similar problem with dd2, she would not have anything at all to do with daddy. The thing that helped the most was having dd3 - she could see that dd3 really needed me so it made her look for attention elsewhere IYSWIM.

mawbroon Tue 24-Feb-09 21:34:47

LOL. You know what you've got to do Elf grin

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