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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

A bit of a sensitive subject

39 replies

Abitpersonal · 12/04/2005 19:41

I really could do with some help and advice on a very sensitive subject.

My daughter who is almost 5 has recently started putting her hands down below.To be honest I am not even sure if she realises she is doing it.
I have tried distracting her and telling her not to do it but she still keeps doing it. I am so worried that it has put me off putting her in a summer dress for school.

I would appreciate any ideas that you may have to help.

OP posts:

Report

Socci · 12/04/2005 19:43

Message withdrawn

NomDePlume · 12/04/2005 19:43

I would just explain to her that it's not 'wrong' to do it, but it's not nice to do it public ! There are folks who will be able to word it better than me but hopefully YKWIM !

IMO, teling her not to do it will either encourage her to do it more or will instill some sort of sex is dirty type message. Neither of which are ideal....

Abitpersonal · 12/04/2005 19:44

Socci - As she usually wears tights at school with her skirt. So if she doesn't have the tights on then she is more likely to do it at school where all of the other children will notice!

OP posts:

Beetroot · 12/04/2005 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JoolsToo · 12/04/2005 19:46

is this a joke?

blossom2 · 12/04/2005 19:46

my DD who has just turned 3 years, does this when she has no knickers on at home. we're finding it funny at the moment, but i can see myself in your situation in a couple of years time ...

motherinferior · 12/04/2005 19:46

I'd say it's something we do at home, not with lots of other people around. Like nose picking. I've actually said exactly the same about nose picking to DD1.

Abitpersonal · 12/04/2005 19:48

Joolstoo - I am a regular speak to you quite a lot and it is not a joke. Infact something I am worrying about and getting upset over.
Sorry if you find it so funny.

OP posts:

HappyMumOfOne · 12/04/2005 19:51

What is she actually doing? I ask this because my ds who is 2.7 is always pullingy and playing with his willy! I used to say stop doing that please but then realised he just thought it was a game and done it even more! He actually does it with no meaning but if he is sitting there watching tv or very involved with something he just automatically starts doing it but like u said i dont think he realises what hes doing!
He only does it if he is naked with no pull-ups or pance on Will your DD do it if she has her knickers on?

Tissy · 12/04/2005 19:51

dd(3) does this a bit too, I usually ask her not to do it, because "your bottom will get sore and your fingers will get smelly"!

Abitpersonal · 12/04/2005 19:53

HMOO - yes she does so it with her knickers on, rather worryingly.

I know people may not take this very seriously but I am getting very worried about it

OP posts:

JoolsToo · 12/04/2005 19:55

I'm certainly not laughing, I can assure you, but there have been some dodgy postings of late -makes you kind of cautious - I'd hate to think I'd upset a 'friend'.

FWIW - I think its quite normal and she will grow out of it. If it was me I wouldn't draw attention to it.

Beetroot · 12/04/2005 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

motherinferior · 12/04/2005 19:56

ABP, may I ask, what in particular is worrying you? The fact she is doing it, or the fact that other people will see her doing it?

Because I don't think, myself, that children should be stopped from touching themselves. I think it is a good idea to say - in a non-loaded way - that it's not a public thing to do, and more importantly that if anyone else touches them in a way they don't like, they should tell the other person to stop it.

ThomCat · 12/04/2005 19:57

Why do you think it's a joke Jools?

Abitpersonal - on a big mothers night out the topic came round to this and all the parents, of sons and daughters, said their kids did the same thing. I remember doing it. i remember my neighbour (same age as me) doing it! I remeber 2 girls at infant school doing it! It's normal.

Do not make too big a thing out of it.
Don't worry about the summer dress, she'll be fine.

MaryP0p1 · 12/04/2005 19:58

We used to have a little girl at nursery constantly fiddling with her nickers. It used to drive me crazy. We never managed to get her to stop.

Beetroot · 12/04/2005 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Caligula · 12/04/2005 20:00

When people say kids will grow out of it, will someone please tell me when? Because my DS does this too, and he is now 5 and 3/4. I do wonder if he does it at school.

Sorry to hijack abitpersonal, but some of the answers might be of use to you!

HappyMumOfOne · 12/04/2005 20:00

I would just say not to do it in public like picking ur nose etc! Dont ake a fuss about it as the more fuss the more they do it i realised this with y ds as i was getting upset about it and worrying about hi doing it in front of visitors etc! But to be honest i have not mentioned it since and he does not do it much anymore! When he does do it at home i just distract him and say something about what he is doing like " oh look dora has got to find some bananas"
that norally works.

Dont get upset about it many many kids do this so dont feel awkward!

Abitpersonal · 12/04/2005 20:01

It's the thought of other people seeing her. I mean she would probably do it at school. It's just a worry this world we live in, unfortunately.
Although I have no problem with what she is actually doing IYSWIM

OP posts:

ThomCat · 12/04/2005 20:02

Why do you think it's a joke Jools?

Abitpersonal - on a big mothers night out the topic came round to this and all the parents, of sons and daughters, said their kids did the same thing. I remember doing it. i remember my neighbour (same age as me) doing it! I remeber 2 girls at infant school doing it! It's normal.

Do not make too big a thing out of it.
Don't worry about the summer dress, she'll be fine.

ThomCat · 12/04/2005 20:03

sorry, don't know what happened to my post.

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HappyMumOfOne · 12/04/2005 20:04

Well this thread has made me feel better cause to be honest i never realised any kids done it! I used to worry a bit but i have just put it down to one of those things now! Especially with boys they do it when there 20 dont they, they never grow out of it!!

HappyMumOfOne · 12/04/2005 20:05

MANY kids not ANY kids lol

paolosgirl · 12/04/2005 20:06

I can understand how you're worried about it - and asking if you're joking was probably not the best thing to say to you! I'd echo most of the other advice here, and say to her that bottoms are private, and that she could try not to do it in public. I suspect that the reaction she might get from her peers if she does it would be the thing to make her stop. But they all do it - I bet she'll not be the only one with fiddly fingers!

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