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My DD is driving me round the bend -she is really clingy to me and seems to hate DH

(18 Posts)
PeppermintPatty Sat 14-Feb-09 22:30:35

At the moment DD constantly wants to be sat on my knee or carried around. If I'm in the room she will follow me around and cling to my leg and say "Mummy up", if I sit down she climbs all over me.

She has never really been this clingy before, it's a new development. She's quite confident and not at all shy with other people / strangers.

The worse thing is she now refuses to go to DH. If I'm busy and she is clinging to me, I generally pick her up and pass her to DH and ask him to play with her for a bit, which always worked in the past. But now she screams NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUMMMMMYYYYYYYYY and tries to throw herself at me and cries and screams. Today she had a massive tantrum because of this - she was screaming and bashing her head on the floor and throwing her toys at the wall and wouldn't go near DH at all

If I'm not there DH says she's totally fine with him, so it's just when I am there. DH's obviously upset by it, and feels a bit rejected I think.

LAst night I even had a weird dream where I was trying to complete a series of difficult tasks (like in the Crystal Maze) and I couldn't do them because I had to carry DD and everyone was getting cross with me See it is really driving me mad!

I guess I just wondered why she's being like this and whether it's a stage which passes quite quickly. Please God tell me it is.

LolaLadybird Sat 14-Feb-09 22:41:23

How old is your DD? They definitely go through phases. DS - 14 months - is a bit of mummy's boy (which I quite like! wink) and DD - 3.5 - has days when she's really anti-daddy even though he's brilliant with her and actually has far more patience with her than I do. Luckily, DH is quite laid-back and so not offended by it but it can be exhausting as the mother.

JiminyCricket Sat 14-Feb-09 22:45:33

I would go with it if its new - will prob pass, find a way for her to stand/sit on a chair next to you if you're doing something, and pick her up as much as poss, she will probably then feel more confident in the attachment and go back to her normal confident self, just needs her Mum because unsettled by something. A friends dd did this recently when her Dad didn't shave for a few weeks, he shaved and bingo she was friends with him again.

PeppermintPatty Sat 14-Feb-09 23:00:58

My DD is 20 months.

I am trying to give her as much attention as possible as I realise she is probably just feeling a bit insecure, but not being able to do anything is driving me mad. I can't even get dressed if DDs in the room! ARGH!

She does sometimes sit on a stool next to me when I'm cooking / washing up but she wants to play with everything (knives, hot things etc). And she still clings to me from the stool!

That's funny about the shaving thing It definitely isn't that as DH has always had a beard grin

FiveGoMadInDorset Sat 14-Feb-09 23:04:05

We have had a long phase of this which has finally been broken by me going away for a couple of nights (great excuse) but that has made all the difference. by long phase I mean 18 months.

FiveGoMadInDorset Sat 14-Feb-09 23:04:52

She has just turned 3

PeppermintPatty Sat 14-Feb-09 23:41:23

Fivegomad - for a moment I thought you said you went away for 18 months shock

I have already been away a couple of times without DD. Once on my honeymoon last year (for 3 nights) and once to a wedding this year for 2 nights. Maybe she will grow out of it at 3 years. By which time I will have lost my marbles. Possibly grin

Is there anything I have done to make her like this? worries
Or anything I can do to make her more secure? Or like DH a bit more?

Leo9 Sat 14-Feb-09 23:54:50

Does he have much time each week with her 1-to-1? Without you around at all?

PeppermintPatty Sun 15-Feb-09 00:28:19

Yes he has some time 1 to 1 with her but not much. He always gets her ready for bed and does the bed time story for instance. She doesn't mind this as I'm downstairs, and it's only when I'm in the room or if she can hear me that she gets upset and wants me.

But she spends more time with me as I only work part time.

PeppermintPatty Sun 15-Feb-09 00:31:11

Thinking about it though she doesn't spend much time with DH when I'm not there at all. I tend to go out in the evenings when she's in bed. And we often spend weekends doing stuff as a family. IS this where I'm going wrong?

Leo9 Sun 15-Feb-09 16:10:43

I hope you come back to this thread Peppermint because yes, I think day-time sole one to one care is your answer; it certainly worked for us. Ds did not like being handed over and there were some tears but we ploughed on through as we though it was so important that ds and dh did not 'lose' each other; that ds got used to having his care from dh as well. We found swimming was an ideal thing for them to do together, as all in all it took up a whole morning, and involved lots of fun but also ds getting used to dh dressing him, taking him to the cafe after, etc etc.

catweazle Sun 15-Feb-09 19:40:50

My DD is 23 mo and exactly the same. I can't do anything without her clinging to me like a limpet. Handing her to daddy results in screaming and tantrums.

Maveta Sun 15-Feb-09 19:45:44

my ds is the same too.. he is 21mo and spends lots of 1-1 time with dh, dh takes him to nursery and picks him up at 3pm and they are alone together everyday until I get home at 5.30pm. They go to the pool, the park, for bike rides and generally have a great time. but when I am there ds doesn´t want to know him sad it´s crap for dh and it´s exhausting for me! so, sympathies.

PeppermintPatty Sun 15-Feb-09 22:41:17

Today she has been much the same "mummy knee" "mummy up" MUMMMMMY MUUUUMMMMY MUMMMMY all day. Whilst DH drinks his tea and reads the paper in peace envy

To think I was so proud when she first said Mummy grin

THanks for your advice Leo, I spoken with DH and he's going to take her on some outings on Saturday mornings WITHOUT me to see if this helps.
Maveta and catweazle - maybe it's an age thing as our LOs are all of a similar age. And this means they will grow out of it eventually, yes? [hopeful]

Ripeberry Sun 15-Feb-09 22:44:42

My daughters are 6yrs old and 4yrs old and they still cling to me! Drives me bonkers sometimes. Poor DH sometimes feels a bit left out.
But at weekends i do try and make sure they have some daddy time without me. Just so that i can get a break and they can connect with him.
Don't know if it gets any better...sorry!

PeppermintPatty Sun 15-Feb-09 22:47:33

Oh no, don't tell me that! I dread to think what would happen if I ever have another child. Two clinging at once [faints]

pavlovthecat Sun 15-Feb-09 22:52:56

Its a phase. DD did this for a while. A confident, happy, secure child, goes to nursery one day a week, spends time with DH when I am not there (he and I share carer role/working role), goes to people she does not know well - always been like this, then about same age as yours, possibly a little younger, for a few months, would only want mummy. I recall exactly what you are describing...DH reading the paper, chilling, while I am desperately trying to drink my first cold coffee and entertain DD who wont leave me alone!

You have done nothing to make her insecure. She is just becoming aware of herself. Up until now she has seen herself as an extension of you. As she grows independent, she is becoming aware that she is not part of you, and while she wants to do things, try things, be confident, she is realising this is her doing it, not you. So, it means she gets a little scared as she ventures into every new thing she is doing, a little more on her own. It is a sign of a secure child. As she becomes more aware of herself, and you, and DH, it will become easier. At the moment, those strings that hold you and her together are becoming invisible to her so she needs to hold on.

That probably does not make any sense whatsoever grin.

PeppermintPatty Mon 16-Feb-09 18:38:24

No that makes perfect sense, thank you pavlov

I will cope with it a bit better now I know it's just a phase she has to go through and it WILL end eventually. And it's good to know that it's normal too, I was worried we'd done something wrong.

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