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5 year old and a new baby

(7 Posts)
vess Sat 09-Apr-05 06:29:25

Hi, I've asked for advice under 'Potty training, etc.', but no luck, maybe it was the wrong place. My problem is my nearly 5 years old ds and his reaction to the birth of his sister. He's being whingey and difficult a lot of the time, but generally ok and managable during the day - but he's wetting the bed at night, every night! Before that started, he was dry for over a year at night - so it's not like he can't do it! And he won't wear a nappy, I've tried that. In fact, I threatened him with a nappy and he was dry for a few nights but then it started again. I know it's psychological, probably attention-seeking and wanting to be a baby again or something, but I feel very confused most of the time and it's very hard not to get angry, especially in the middle of the night. He hates wetting the bed and most of the time tries to deny it - I feel very sorry for him but angry at the same time, even when I try to stay calm and not make a big deal of it... How long is this going to go on for??? Anyone with simmilar experience, please help!

WideWebWitch Sat 09-Apr-05 08:02:59

Hi Vess, could you try seriously limiting drinks before bed for a while so there's just not the wee there? And keep being kind to him and reassuring, I bet he'll be dry at night again before long.

lucykatie Sat 09-Apr-05 08:53:02

hi what about cutting things out.i.e favourite drinks toys etc.

i know this sounds like punishment for him but he is old enough to think about what he is doing, or maybe treat him if he has several dry nights.

you need to make out that its not good to wet the bed, [which it isnt], but he needs to understand that.

or maybe lift him out of bed for a wee when you go to bed, [dont know your routine] but about 11pmish....he will soon get sooooooo fed up with been woken up, i know my dd would, but you know your ds so do whats best.....good luck.

KristinaM Sat 09-Apr-05 09:15:59

Would he be Ok if you gave him back a nappy at night? 4 is actually quite young to be dry at night. Doctors dont think its a problem til the child is seven.Maybe he wants to be your baby again?

KristinaM Sat 09-Apr-05 09:16:55

oops sorry just saw that he WONT wear a a nappy. What about a pull up?

Twiglett Sat 09-Apr-05 09:24:50

Can you take a step back and see how you deal with him and the new baby and their inter-relationship

I found with my DS that when I gave him ownership, referring to his new sister as 'your baby' or 'your sister' and asking for his help in everyday tasks. Make the baby his 'new toy' almost and making him feel needed and protective.

I would ignore the bed-wetting and do a sticker chart when he has good nights. It's a huge upheaval for a little one.

Good luck

vess Sat 09-Apr-05 19:45:02

Hi again, thanks everyone.
Twiglett - he does actually refer to her as 'my baby' anyway, and treats her as his new toy! And I try my best to encourage him to be helpfull... And give him a lot of attention whenever I can, like all the books say.
I guess I should ignore the bedwetting and just wait till it stops. The thing is, I find it really difficult not to show how angry and upset I am sometimes. Need to make more effort!
KristinaM, I think 4 (or nearly 5, i his case) is old enough to be dry at night. He was dry since he was 3 and a half before that started, so... Pull-ups are still nappies, I don't think I can fool him by saying they're special pants.
Wickedwaterwitch - will try and pay attention to what he drinks. It never mattered before, but now..you never know.
Lucykatie, I've tried taking something away (his watch, which he was very proud to wear) - for one day at a time, didn't work
Also promising rewards (toys, Spiderman sheets, etc)- didn't work either
Tried telling him he'll have to wear a nappy if it happens again - worked for a few nights, then back to wetting
Waking him up to go to the toilet - didn't work, he still does it even after he's been to the toilet. It looks like although he hates the fact that he does it, part of him 'wants' to wet the bed
My latest approach is to tell him that his bed is his responsibility, so if he wets it, he should just get changed by himself, and maybe sleep on the other bed (there's another one in his room). I don't know, maybe that's wrong and won't work either.
Or maybe I should just change his sheets and try to pretend that it never happened, until it hopefully stops sometime in the future.
Haven't tried the sticker chart yet - will do that as well!
I'm sure he'll get over the whole thing at some point, just hope it doesn't drag on for too long!

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