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Making Mum friends

(28 Posts)
Corblimy Thu 22-Jan-09 14:22:36

I wasn't sure where to put this but thought this would do.

Has anyone else struggled to make any 'Mum' friends..........I've a 2yr old DS and work part time, I've moved area about 6 months ago and am struggling to make new friends - I go to the toddler groups but everyone already seems to be in friendships or don't seem to want to chat. I'm not shy and will initiate conversation but often pull back when I don't get much of a response...........how did you make your Mum friends??

NewApprehensiveBeginning Thu 22-Jan-09 14:23:34

I have found it very hard to make friends and actually have none now.

It is so hard.

ForeverOptimistic Thu 22-Jan-09 14:25:39

It will just happen. I didn't make friends with ante natal peers or with anyone at toddler groups but once ds started nursery I made loads. It is difficult, just because you both have children it doesn't mean to you have enough in common to sustain a friendship and it is hard getting past the small talk when you have a toddler in tow. Once he starts nursery and makes his own friends it will become easier for you too.

ilovetochat Thu 22-Jan-09 14:26:03

very difficult, a lot of moms seemt o turn up with a friend who they already know and don't need/try to talk to anyone else.
i just keep going, chat when i can and enjoy time with dd. party invites have started now and dd always gets one (18 months) so at least she is included.

sugarpear Thu 22-Jan-09 14:36:34

It is hard isnt it??

I try and talk but the school mums seem to have there own circles and thats it. There isnt any meet ups for my area on here either ( im in kent)

Been to the play gym with dd today and again everyone seems to be with other friends sad

NewApprehensiveBeginning Thu 22-Jan-09 14:40:48

whereabouts in kent sp?

Ohforfoxsake Thu 22-Jan-09 14:52:34

It is really hard, and it does take time, but if you put in the effort it'll come good.

You could volunteer, help with the teas or something. Or just offer to get a mum with a baby a coffee or something. You just have to be friendly and regular I think. Also, do bear in mind that this is often the time that mums get to meet up and chat whilst their LOs are occupied, so don't feel as though they are ignoring you, but probably just taking the opportunity to gossip/vent/moan to another adult. {am guilty of that one myself).

When the summer comes you see more people out and about too. It gets a bit easier when you can say 'hello' to someone in the street, or at the local play centre.

You have to make the effort, and some days its a massive effort. But if you do, you can make some really good friends smile

Good luck

lilolilmanchester Thu 22-Jan-09 15:13:20

I had the same experience when DS was a toddler and I am definitely not shy, but it's difficult to move in on "ready made" groups and easy to feel rejected, isn't it? I went to a toddler group and looked out for a friendly looking group of Mums. Went and asked if I could join them and they said yes. Still felt a bit left out for a few weeks cos they'd all known each other from ante-natal and met up outside of the group and I didn't know much of what they were talking about. Ijust sat with them, listened, laughed at their jokes, picked up on things they said and asked questions. Eventually I became accepted. But it took time. What about looking out for MN meet-ups or starting one?
Hope it works out for you.

sugarpear Thu 22-Jan-09 15:22:52

NAB im nr gravesend/dartford.

ErnestTheBavarian Thu 22-Jan-09 15:32:44

I used to live in Gravesend
Go back a few times a year.

It's hard isn't it. I haven't really made any friends here tho I know people who moved here after me who seem to have loads. I'm crap and it, and I guess I smell or something?

sugarpear Thu 22-Jan-09 19:59:18

Lol ernest.

How is lo or not so little dd now?

biskybat Thu 22-Jan-09 20:05:15

I find it hard when there are loads of cliques, I chat to lots of mums at toddler groups and classes but it doesn't seem to lead anywhere. I'm not really bothered though as I always bring a book in my handbag and it's quite nice to catch up on some reading with a cup of tea and a biscuit...yes I'm the anti-social one in the corner blush

littlelamb Thu 22-Jan-09 20:10:45

O I think toddler groups are very hard. You really have to rise above the small talk, actually introduce yourself by name rather than 'hi I'm x's mum' wink I am lucky in that one of the baby groups I go to I kind of 'knew' one of the women there and so made friends with her friends iyswim. We all get together one morning a week at the local play cafe, so that might be a suggestion. Maybe just somthing like 'O, dc loves going to... we're there most saturdays, maybe see you there one week?' I think more people at baby groups feel this way than not so be brave and make the first step

bea Thu 22-Jan-09 20:25:45

i agree with what every one has said here... play groups etc are basicallyimpossible i find as you're always chasing after the toddler/baby...

i was quite lucky as a lot of my mum friends were friends before we had abbies, it just so happens that we had our first babies all within a year or two of each other and thus as well as being friends initially we also became 'mum' friends...

keep going and maybe suggest a meet up in a park etc... as i find out of the playgroup would be easier to strike up friendships...

hth...

puglover Thu 22-Jan-09 20:26:05

Have you tried netmums website? They have `meet a mum` boards in different areas of the country.I found a friend that way.Good luck.

starbear Thu 22-Jan-09 21:26:31

Found new friends through nursery and working part-time. Fell out with NCT crowd as I couldn't cope with the endless coffee and talk about children. I find it very transient, as the kids grow you meet new people and see less of others as the kids go to new nurseries and schools.

tryingtobemarypoppins Thu 22-Jan-09 21:31:28

I was going to suggest joining the NCT......

JimJammum Thu 22-Jan-09 21:34:23

It is hard....i had to make a concious effort at end of post-natal group to make small talk and made up a reason to take one girl's number....now 3 of us still meet up every week or so, 2 years down the line. Have just had birthday party for ds and considering trying to ask mums with kids from nursery that I met at party for a get-together....a friend of mine met up on an arranged night out for mums with kids at nursery and it has helped. I think thought you have to get used to being quite alone as a mum, and it feels like being back at school in the playground. I haven't had to make an effort like this to make friends since Uni which was ages ago, and it's just a matter of taking the plunge and keep going!!!

starbear Thu 22-Jan-09 21:35:21

I thought NCT met when they went to classes and then kept in contact. That's seem to be the pattern as my close friend had the same experience. P.S keep in touch with old friends, some how, some way. You've reminded me that I must phone a couple of people tomorrow night.

littleboyblue Thu 22-Jan-09 21:37:32

We also moved about 6 months ago and I don't really know anyone in the area. I made a big effort to go to parent and toddler groups to begin with. I am not shy and will talk to anyone and where most people were nice enough, I'm not interested in listening to people bitch about their husbands so I don't really bother now.
I have been told it's easier when dc's go to nursery and school and you'll make friends as they do.
I'm trying slowly to build up relationships with my neighbours by just saying hello and such and have had the lady living downstairs up for coffee once but it just takes time. You might find it easier in the summer when going to the park often and swimming etc. I'm going to try going to these kind of places at the same times with the hope of recognising faces, once I start to recognise them, they will me and can start common interest convos then

Maveta Thu 22-Jan-09 21:39:15

echo everyone else - it´s hard! agree with everything really. I have about 3 local mum ´friends´ but they are still really acquaintances. It´s hard to find time to meet and develop a friendship while looking after wee ones. My ds is 20mo. I met one mum at toddlers (which I rarely went to but we got on so at least occasionally stayed in touch by phone). Her dd is older (2.5) so they don´t play together much and we meet more often just the two of us for a drink (though still rare!) which is nice. But now looks like she´s moving away!

Then kept randomly bumping into another of the mums from toddlers and eventually have got around to meeting for coffee a few times and she seems to have a big group of mum friends that she invites me out with. Not been able to make it yet - a mix of timing and also the old apprehension of joining a ready made group that knows each other well.

Another one is a friend of a friend who now has a baby and also desperately needs friends.

So I guess we just have to keep at it smile

starbear Thu 22-Jan-09 21:42:02

Is there any way you could go to a fitness class or something with yr partner staying in? When I moved to a village near Aldershot (BF of the time was not in the army)I slowly made friend this way.

ilikeyoursleeves Thu 22-Jan-09 21:55:14

It's really hard I think to meet people through toddler groups, I went when DS was 3 months old and was the only one with a baby really, they were all chasing their toddlers about while I felt like a spare nipple! Plus they all seemed to know each other so once the small talk was done with me they'd go chat to their friends, so I only went twice! However I met some really nice mums via a postnatal yoga class, we all still keep in touch (one of the girls took everyones email adds when the class ended), we would go to the park in summer and now we meet up every few months for dinner now that we are all back at work. I also made a really good friend from that class and I now see her every week in some shape or form, sometimes you just click with someone but it's down to luck I think re who you sit next to at some of these classes!

I also have a long infertility history and have made some wonderful friends via infertility boards on the net believe it or not. We are scattered around a 40 mile radius ish but meet up every few months too (most of us have kids now!).

Have you checked the local meet up bit of Mumsnet? I know it takes balls to meet folk though, there is a local meet up to me soon but I'm a bit too chicken to go although I'd quite like to!

Chatting at the park might be a good option too, good luck with it, it takes persistance!

Corblimy Thu 22-Jan-09 22:17:19

It's good to know that other's have the same experience. It's so weird, I never had a problem making friends at school / uni / work, but this is so different. It shouldn't be so hard, we're older etc.....but you have a good chat and think I'd like to meet you again but I never know how to get to that second bit, it's too early to say here's my number.........it was easier to swap numbers with a potential boyfriend, at least you were drunk and everything was a bit of a blur anyway! . I'm going to keep going, luckily I've got a old friend from Uni who is due in June which I'm hanging on for...........

Corblimy Thu 22-Jan-09 22:18:13

and I'm going to have a look at that local meet up now.........

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