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bit of a loner?

(8 Posts)
Merlin Tue 25-Mar-03 22:08:46

My ds is 2 and 5 months. He attends nursery 2 mornings a week and the staff there have commented that he is very happy doing things by himself for most of the time, only joining in a bit more with the other children usually when it's nearly home-time! At home too, he seems to like me and my dh to just sit and watch him play, not actually join in (although we are allowed to help with the ocasional jigsaw or drawing!).

When he is with his friends, he just seems to play 'around' them not with them, sometimes getting upset at first until he 'settles' in. Also the concept of sharing is completely alien to him! Is this normal behaviour? Has anyone else got a toddler the same - some reassurance that this is normal would be great!! Thanks.

clucks Wed 26-Mar-03 00:14:30

It seems to me that he is probably very confident and will be intelligent. I am certain that I have read about research suggesting that playing alone is actually better for their problem solving skills rather than being led all the time. you are lucky that he is content to amuse himself.

Merlin Wed 26-Mar-03 08:28:21

Thanks Clucks. I like to think that he is quite bright for his age (don't all Mums!!), I just worry that he never wants to join in very much with other kids - I suppose that will come in time hopefully.

Oakmaiden Wed 26-Mar-03 08:50:38

I wouldnt worry about it yet. At around 2 and a half most children BEGIN to experiment with joining in other childrens play - but generally only briefly, so it sounds as though your son is just about reaching this stage. Until then they are happy to play alone, but in the companyof others. Most children don't play WITH other children much until they are 3. And that is only the "textbook" child - all children develop at different rates and can vary quite a bit from the textbok norm and still be developing perfectly normally for them.

Tthe concept of sharing is also one that most children don't develop until they are 3.
Hope this helps.

sobernow Wed 26-Mar-03 18:54:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mears Sun 30-Mar-03 17:10:17

When my third ds was at nursery prior to starting school, he chose to go to the play areas that no-one else was in. Under the section of his report that said FRIENDS - his said - HAS NONE.
I was quite upset for him but his nursery teacher said that this was not that serious a problem. She knew my other sons who had special friends who they were always trying to be like. That in itself caused problems. She said that Alan preferred to be an individual and not like anyone else. He is now in secondary school and has a few selected friends and is happy.
Try not to worry.Your son will play with others in his own good time.

Linnet Sun 30-Mar-03 21:55:40

My dd started nursery aged 3. She was and still is at the moment an only child. And Before nursery she hadn't had much interaction with other children her age.

When she started nursery the teacher said that she was quite happy to play along side the other children but not with them. But this gradually changed as she got used to being in a class with 29 other children. She never had a problem going to nursery, in fact I was more upset than she was when she started, she just went right in gave me a wave and that was that.

after a while she learnt to play along with the other chidlren and she was fine. Even now, she's 5, she's still quite happy to play by herself at home although there are days when she wants us to play with her. But usually she's quite happy playing with her dolls or drawing, she does a lot of drawing.

Every child is different but our nursery teacher did say to us that little children usually always play alongside each other rather than with each other until they are about 3 or 3 and a half.

So Merlin I wouldn't be worried about it just yet, I'm sure given time he'll happily play with all the other children. And the sharing thing will come as well. Once he hasn't got his own way a few times he'll soon learn. Mine did anyway.

Merlin Mon 31-Mar-03 22:44:07

Thank you for your messages. It's reassuring to know that other kids are like it too!!
He loves nursery, actually he cries when it's time to leave, so hopefully as time goes on he will interact a bit more, or perhaps we should give him a little brother or sister .... (did I really say that!!!!)

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