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can she be that cunning at just 3 weeks old?

(54 Posts)
mckenzie Tue 29-Mar-05 20:31:02

3 week old DD has been crying on and off since going down at 7. The last time I went up to her she stopped crying the minute I stood by her moses basket. It was too dark in the room for me to see if her eyes were open or not. She did this to me yesterday as well.
Do you think it's a coincidence or is she already playing games with us?

spod Tue 29-Mar-05 20:33:03

she probably knows you are there and hence feels shes being answered/more secure with you there. normal behaviour for a tiny tot. they just dont like being alone

TinyGang Tue 29-Mar-05 20:36:08

I wouldn't think so - she probably wants to be near you/cuddled if all the other usual things have been eliminated ie hungry, nappy etc.

I'm sure you'll get lots better advice than that though! Lots of luck

charellie Tue 29-Mar-05 20:37:31

I agree. Mine used to do this. I would stroke them and then leave. They would also stop crying if they heard me coming up the stairs no matter how quiet I was

aloha Tue 29-Mar-05 20:49:40

There is no such thing as a 'cunning' three week old. They are incapable of 'playing games'. At this age they are just expressing their feelings and have absolutely no idea how you will feel - she won't even know that you have feelings separate to her. She is showing that she feels insecure when you go, and secure when you are back. She isn't 'doing it to you' at all. I wouldn't leave a three week old to cry for an hour and a half myself - she really has no idea if you are gone for five minutes or forever. Just give her a cuddle!

RudyDudy Tue 29-Mar-05 20:52:22

agree with aloha - I know it may feel like it but I don't think there is any way a 3 week old can be 'cunning'. She's just telling you she wants you there and has no idea that may be construed as manipulative.

kama Tue 29-Mar-05 21:08:22

Message withdrawn

charellie Tue 29-Mar-05 21:15:06

I used to put something I had worn that day, like a t-shirt, in the cot. It seemed to help sometimes

dinny Tue 29-Mar-05 21:18:54

She's crying to be held and secure. Far too young to be put to bed alone, IMO.

mummylonglegs Tue 29-Mar-05 21:24:31

Ummm ... if you think a 3 week old is cunning I wonder how you'll manage with a toddler.

She is crying because she needs you. If you decide to ignore this or prefer to think she's capable of manipulating you you'll be raising a very insecure child. Most research now shows that for ^at least^ the first year of a child's life they need their cries and needs to be responded to promptly, they aren't capable of developing bad habits, only a sense of security or insecurity. Some researchers think that even up to 2 1/2 a child doesn't really manipulate its parents in the way we adults use manipulation.

JanH Tue 29-Mar-05 21:25:24

mckenzie, are you OK?

Jimjams Tue 29-Mar-05 22:21:17

It's a good sign. Ds3 (12 weeks) does this- I take it as a sign that he's not autistic- he knows when people are around and wants company.

moondog Tue 29-Mar-05 22:23:54

'playing games'
Good God, she's three weeks old!!!!
She needs to be with her mother, that's all!!

marthamoo Tue 29-Mar-05 22:30:16

Hey come on, girls, ease up a bit. No-one is born knowing how to be a Mum. Is she your first baby, mckenzie?

She really can't be manipulative at 3 weeks (though it can feel like a conspiracy!) She just wants you, and like others have said, is probably comforted by your smell, even if she can't see you. At this age it is a lot to expect her to settle alone in a moses basket - she has only been out of the womb for 3 weeks, where she was cocooned, and warm, and had your heartbeat constantly to comfort her. Just keep cuddling her when she cries - she will settle eventually. You can try putting something that smells of you in the basket - or a radio tuned into white noise, or a ticking clock in the room. So she doesn't feel alone. Though none of these things worked for me - I ended up doing a lot of rocking to sleep

snafu Tue 29-Mar-05 22:33:11

If I was mckenzie I think I'd have run a mile from this thread by now. Jeez.

Potty1 Tue 29-Mar-05 22:35:12

Mckenzie - you OK?

We used to keep our babies basket with us downstairs and take them up when we went to bed. They all seemed to be aware that we were close and sleep better despite the noise of the TV or whatever. She's just used to you being there.

aloha Tue 29-Mar-05 22:35:56

I don't think this thread has been horrible to mckenzie at all. Every single expert in child development would say the same thing.

nutcracker Tue 29-Mar-05 22:38:19

Blimey, talk about scaring a girl off.

Hope you are ok Mckensie.
With mine i didn't put them up to bed on their own until they stopped having their last late feed (about 10/11pm) just because it was easier to do that downstairs.
She obviously recognizes that you are there when you enter the room and so she stops crying but she wouldn't realise yet that she doesn't need you to be there to go to sleep.

Not too sure what else to suggest, just go with your instinct, if you want to get her back up and cuddle her to sleep then do, you can't spoil a 3 week old.

Hope you are ok and not too upset by the other comments.

aloha Tue 29-Mar-05 22:38:59

What comments? Is everyone reading a different thread to me?

JanH Tue 29-Mar-05 22:39:00

mckenzie isn't a 1st-timer - it's why I asked if she was OK - I wonder if she is finding life with a newborn hard all of a sudden.

nutcracker Tue 29-Mar-05 22:39:50

Mckesnie didn't say that she had left her to cry for an hour and a half either. She said she had been up there since 7 and the last time she went up she stopped crying.

I think she had been up more than once so her dd hadn't been left to cry for an hour and a half.

snafu Tue 29-Mar-05 22:40:49

I agree a three-week-old can't be cunning or play games. But I disagree with the way that sentiment has been expressed in a couple of posts here.

A three-week-old baby may not want to be left alone - but a mother of a three-week-old probably doesn't want to be told so bluntly that she's got it 'wrong', either.

handlemecarefully Tue 29-Mar-05 22:41:23

Aloha - not your post, but some of them seemed a bit know....patronising / intolerant?

Jimjams Tue 29-Mar-05 22:43:55

well I hope my comment hasn't been taken the wrong way because when ds3 cries when I leave the room I do think thank f** for that! No offence meant.

tiffini Tue 29-Mar-05 22:44:52

well i think some of the comments are a bit harsh.
the poor girl is just asking for advice, not a ticking off.

if i was mckenzie i'd feel like i was being branded a bad mother.

witch she is most certainly not

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