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Controlled crying - please don't shout at me

(127 Posts)
treadwithcare Wed 17-Dec-08 10:43:04

Please don't shout at me - positive responses only please - I am going to attempt controlled crying this evening. Who out there has done it successfully? And how did you do it? I am on my own for the next five days so it seems a sensible time to start. I need to teach dd to settle self to sleep without me pushing her in the pram in the freezing cold or taking her for a drive. How did you do it and how long did it take?

bigTillyMint Wed 17-Dec-08 10:45:43

I didn't have to do it with mine - they were good sleepers, but well done for having a go. My big tip is
DON'T GIVE UP! even though it will be exhausting, having DC who go to sleep and stay asleep well is a life-savergrin

How old is your DD?

crokky Wed 17-Dec-08 10:47:19

How old is your DD?

treadwithcare Wed 17-Dec-08 10:49:53

She is 5 1/2 months. And sleeps through the night, but it's the getting her to sleep that is doing my head in. I live on my own so it would be life changing if I could just 'put her to bed' rather than spend forever helping her to sleep.

CatchaChristmasStar Wed 17-Dec-08 10:53:49

5 1/2 months? Ummm, I may be wrong but I thought cc was generally for babies a year and older? 5 1/2 months sounds very young to be using this method.

Umlellala Wed 17-Dec-08 10:55:01

OMG she sleeps through the night at 5months
envy envy envy envy envy

Personally, I wouldn't rock the boat. I've always quite liked the staying quietly next-to-them holding hands part of the evening. I use it to meditate and reflect and quieten. My dh listens to the radio.

But as far as I am aware, with CC, you just let them cry, then go in after a bit and say 'it's ok, I'm just downstairs, then leave, then repeat until they are asleep. Never done it though, as mine just get more and more worked up.

CatchaChristmasStar Wed 17-Dec-08 10:55:10

Have you tried a routine?

For example, nice warm bath, dark room and soothing music, quick cuddle and night feed and into cot? Worked on my dd.

rubyslippersisappearinginpanto Wed 17-Dec-08 10:57:19

she is too young for CC

i would try a nap routine - most babies need a lot less stimulation and awake time than you think

it doesn't take a lot to get them over tired so even putting her down a bit earlier would help and lots of cuddles and reassurance

you cannot expect a baby to consistently self soothe at this age - they aren't built like that

PuppyMonkeyNuts Wed 17-Dec-08 10:58:58

I did it around six months, sorry if that upsets anyone. It took three nights and then she was sorted.

You need to be mentally prepared for it though - it's very hard and you will be exhausted and upset this week.

I was at the end of my tether with lack of sleep, so I gave it a go. We are all now so much happier as we are sleeping properly. smile

Umlellala Wed 17-Dec-08 11:03:21

Oh def try a routine first, and then see how you go... Your daughter is sleeping brilliantly for her age. Keep your happy bedtimes, and you'll reap the rewards when she is older (eg when she goes into a bed, settles happily for naps).

CatchaChristmasStar Wed 17-Dec-08 11:04:06

I used cc on my dd, but she was older so wouldn't know what advice to give on a younger child. It didn't really work on my dd though, she fell out of her routine so I gave it a shot. My dd is, uhhhhh, determined you see. grin

It can work wonders when it works though, as puppy has said.

Umlellala Wed 17-Dec-08 11:05:06

Hang on, just seen you drive or push her to sleep. You could try lying with her, or rocking her or singing after a bath, story, milk, bed routine. Holding hands, or a hand on their tummy works for my two.

bigTillyMint Wed 17-Dec-08 11:06:39

If you want to do it, do it - everyone has their own opinions on how old a baby should be, etc.

PMN is right. My DC always (and still do) had a consistent routine - bath, milk and stories and then went to sleep with (at that age) nursery songs/lullabys playing quietly. And a dim light.

DD had her thumb and soft toy, (still doesblush), DS has his blanky and any number of soft toys! (still doesblush). A comforter seemed to help him

singyswife Wed 17-Dec-08 11:07:48

I wouldnt use cc on a child this young. How about putting her in her cot with a restful cd n and lying beside her 'patting' her. I used to have to do this for my dd once she got too heavey to carry upstairs as she liked to be cuddled to sleep. Then you just move from her side to the other side of the room, then out the door and then you have done it. My other dd only ever wanted put in her cot to sleep.

btw envy at sleeping through the night my kids were 2.5yrs and 18 months before they did this.

Anna8888 Wed 17-Dec-08 11:09:10

She's too young. Try to think yourself into a mindset where getting your DD to sleep is not a bother, but a maternal kindness.

Have you tried sitting in the dark in front of the TV with no sound, with DD on your shoulder, shusshing her?

minxpinx Wed 17-Dec-08 11:10:39

We did it - and thank goodness we did. I went out and left dd and dh to it. I couldn't bear to be there. within 2 days she went to sleep in 5 mins without a peep and has been doing that ever since (now 14 months).We also set up a really good bed time routine (bath etc), so now by the time she is zipped into her sleeping bag she is almost asleep anyway! Good luck.

angelene Wed 17-Dec-08 11:38:02

I did it at 6 months. Going to bed took 40 mins the first night, 10 mins the subsequent two and then it was done. DD fed to sleep and several times in the night before that. The middle of the night wakings took a bit longer because she was sick on the second night (not from crying, from some fish that she hadn't eaten before - top tip that, don't introduce new food during the CC!)

Best thing I ever did. The pre-bed routine was the key I think. But start at 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15 mins the first night, second night start at 10 mins, etc.

Also - turn the baby monitor off!

cluckyagain Wed 17-Dec-08 11:41:35

Good advice here if you're going to do it - I never left mine for more than 10 min intervals though as I felt any longer was just too long - I started at 10 and just kept it the same. It does work (at 5 1/2 months!) with no after effects past a child who is delighted to go to bed and to sleep on their own. xx

morningpaper Wed 17-Dec-08 11:41:59

agree with the others - you don't need controlled crying, you need routine. This is much more pleasant for both of you and will set her up with goodhabits for life. I think if you try to do controlled crying to SETTLE her at this stage then you might risk buggering up her good sleeping-through-the-night habits.

At this age, both of mine tended to hae a bedtime routine and then be put in a sling for the evening while I got on with what I was doing (including lots of television-with-subtitles). Later on they started to fall asleep earlier until this integrated with their bedtime routine.

I now have a lovely bedtime in the evenings with them both (now 6 and 3) and have never had the sort of toddler-evening-nightmares that lots of people report. It is just calm and chilled with books and stories and cuddles and niceness.

FLORIAinexcelsisdeo Wed 17-Dec-08 13:52:49

I have to agree with everyone who says it is too young..I think she is doing brilliantly as she is. I speak as someone with a 14mth old who has never slept more than 6 hrs at a stretch (and has only gone that long 3 times)..I was going to do cc, but another mumsnetter told me that all it teaches your lo is that you are not reliable, you will not come when she is distressed and only when the bond of trust between you is broken (it typically takes 3 days) she will start go to sleep alone....I now look on my broken nights as just a "stage", they will grow out of it all too soon.

rempy Wed 17-Dec-08 13:57:01

agree morningpaper, I know someone who had a sleeping 5 month old that she has turned into a non sleeping 6 month old after 3 weeks of controlled crying.

If all the time you have to invest is settling her at this stage, why trade that for being up several times in the night?

rempy Wed 17-Dec-08 13:57:01

agree morningpaper, I know someone who had a sleeping 5 month old that she has turned into a non sleeping 6 month old after 3 weeks of controlled crying.

If all the time you have to invest is settling her at this stage, why trade that for being up several times in the night?

rempy Wed 17-Dec-08 13:57:50

i only know one person, sorry for dual post

littletownofmeglethem Wed 17-Dec-08 14:06:09

We did it at around that age and so did most people I know. But get a nice bedtime routine going first. Be gentle with her and she'll be able to settle herself soon.

WelshChristmas Wed 17-Dec-08 14:07:55

I did cc with my DD who was in a routine but we had the same problem. She wouldn't settle unless pushed in pram or driven. We were at the end of our tether and tried cc. Amazing !! Took 3 nights. First night is the toughest. She cried for about 30 mins but we kept going in every 5 / 10 mins and just putting her back down so she knew she hadn't been left.
Second night she cried for about 20 mins and by third night only cried for 5 mins. After that, she was fine from there on in.
She's now 6 years old and perfectly fine and happy.
Good Luck and the main piece of advice is don't give up once you've decided to start otherwise it'll make it 10 times harder the second time you try.

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