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really worried about ds's aggression...help

(6 Posts)
Heathcliffscathy Tue 22-Mar-05 19:32:02

he's 17 months old. he bites. he pushes. me, dh and worst of all other children. he does it if anyone gets attention from me, or when tired, or when frustrated/thwarted.

had to bring him home from playgroup early today as i said if he pushed again (had pushed a little girl) we'd go home, and he did

why does he do this? why don't other kids do this. i've tried ignorning, i've tried leaving the room, i always say v firmly 'no, no biting/pushing...be gentle' and then demonstrate said behaviour. i know he understands to some extent as sometimes when i say it, he mirrors the behaviour and he knows what 'gentle' means (he strokes my head/the object he's holding when i say it).

i love him. i'm scared for him and for me.

any advice gratefully received. i've posted about this before, but i'm so anxious about this, i think it's awful that my little baby boy can behave so aggressively.

i can't/won't bite him back, but will try just about anything else...

llkjj Tue 22-Mar-05 19:44:10

Not uncommon for the age. Keep on top of him & make sure that he never gets what he wants by hitting/biting. If he bites to get attention, strap him in a pushchair & ignore him for a while. If he pushes to get a toy, make a point of giving the toy to the other child. Hover over him to stop him whenever he tries to do something violent, so that you can stop him & he can't do it after all.

Donbean Tue 22-Mar-05 19:55:13

Yeah, mines the same. He is 20 months now and has been doing this since he was about 16 months. I was horrified because he hasnt seen this behaviour any where to copy it, he just did it.
I do exsactly the same as you TBH.
I accept that it is another phase and that by re-enforcing what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in a persistent consistant manner, it will pass.
Hats off to you for following through your threat of taking him home, that couldnt have been easy for you.
Just to add, other kids DO do this and very very frequently, there is nothing unique in your little chaps behaviour, it will pass.

Heathcliffscathy Tue 22-Mar-05 19:56:30

thanks donbean. it's just utterly depressing to me at the moment tbh. and it does feel like he's the only one, certainly where i take him...parents try to be nice about it, but it feels as if they are internally judging me...which they probably are.

Donbean Tue 22-Mar-05 20:09:17

Yes i know what you mean about bieng internally judged that is not pleasant.
Were we go to soft play at our local gym i dont leave him alone at all so i can supervise his behaviour but allow him freedom at the same time. He always seems to strike when my eyes are diverted for a milisecond!!!!
I always over compensate with my "sorry's" to the parent/carer of the poor smarting child but still get upset that they are thinking that ds is a right little thug when he isnt actually, he is a sweetie. I really want them to know that but it is pointless because they are not interested any way as thier child is onto the next play project in a moment any way!
Its very very dificult and please know that you are not the only one who feels like this.
You and i both know what beautiful sociable happy little boys we have got, they are just finding thier little way in the big scary world.
They will get there. x HTH x

Heathcliffscathy Tue 22-Mar-05 20:10:44

it does. thx

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