Demon Child

[flamesparrow]

I have a tanrumming 21 month old, and I'm tired.

We have been to toddlers today, and like she did there on Wednesday - she threw major tantrums. On Wednesday it was because she had to stop colouring, then painting, then handwashing. Today, some kid nicked her train and then it was packing away time all at once, so she screamed, she threw things, she uncovered the sandpit.

Its pretty much a daily event. At home I can ignore her and let her get on with it, but out, I need to stop her from throwing things, so she gets the attention.

I'm just drained, and I don't know how to stop it - bar not taking her out again until she's fixed!!!

HELP!

I want to like my child.

[DillyDally]

I have no advice but i am soo happy that others suffer too
My DD has started tantrums in public, throwing herself on the floor (in the middle fo the tube)inconsolable crying
She doesnt sleep, wakes at least twice every night and always wakes at 5.15 this week

I hate going out too as I always get comments from men generally about her..ggrrr
am permanently exhausted and drained.

we should meet and let out demonic offspring wreck a coffee house together

[flamesparrow]

Sounds good - to be with someone who is sympathetic rather than the mums at toddler who just watch looking all smug.

[aloha]

How much warning do you give her that an activity is about to end? At that age I found it was really important to give at least two warnings - 'when you've done X we will have to finish' - 'nearly finished now' - then we said 'bye-bye' to the activity (including waving!) - 'bye-bye painting/water/sandpit' and then - quickly! - distracted him with a new and exciting option - "Oh look! a big train!" or "Quick! let's run to see if the cat is still there!" or "Let's go and see if Grandma is at home" - all delivered in manically upbeat tone. HOnestly, I did find this very effective.

[aloha]

Hope I don't sound smug!

[DillyDally]

I'll be the one with large bags under her eyes and a stooped back from bundling a toddler away in a hurry
i tried going out last sunday and the looks I got would have killed medusa when DD started playing up

[giraffeski]

Message withdrawn

[flamesparrow]

I give her warnings, and she just says "NO" to me, and then gets hysterical when it actually finishes... and no amount of exciting others will convince her otherwise. Even the promise of Gran today which normally gets her happy got ignored

[justamom]

i don't want to even take mine anywhere anymore...kicking, screaming, stomping,scooting on the floor while screaming, you name it and he does it...don't know where it came.....

[bobbybob]

Aloha we are sisters on this subject. I do exactly the same and find the only time ds bothers to get upset is when I forget. Some days I have very tired cheek muscles from all that enthusing, but it's got to be less tiring than the alternative.

Another thing I do, if we simply can't do whatever it is - like using the hose in the rain - I talk to him about how great hoses are, they are long and green, and daddy has two, one for the back garden and one for the front. And if it wasn't raining what colour hose would we use and where would we water. He gets so into the imaginary hosing that he forgets he wanted to do it for real.

[flamesparrow]

I am much calmer today, and ready to face the world again!

I will keep trying the distraction, but it has never worked so far. We have also now set proper rules for what we will do for tantrums, and for violence, so hopefully with some definate structure things will improve!

[happymerryberries]

I found that ignoring it was the only way to deal with it and in time the tantrum would stop. It only took 5 years for them to mostly stop! Dd is 8 now, she started tantruming at 1 and they carried onuntil she was6. At their worst we were having one a day, sometimes they lasted for 2-3 hours. In the end they stopped and my dd was then the charming child that she always was in between tantrums.

On balaence I'm glad we kept her

Sympathies to you all sufferening, it isn't a joke at all is it? The only good thing is that it does tend to get better with time

[fuzzywuzzy]

Yes my once sweet little angel has turned into a munster too. I have no idea how to stop her either and worse, she actually turns around and hits me/whoever is within arms length I have no idea where she gets that from as nobody in this house hits!!
I posted a while back about dd1's tantrums on the aeroplane at Heathrow ariport (where I seriously nearly left her behind lying on the floor kicking and screaming).

[flamesparrow]

Oooh, only 5 years???

The light at the end of my tunnel just went out

When she is being a nice sweet little girl - like first thing this morning when she woke me by kissing my arm lots, then when I opened my eyes, she told me to shush, and pretended to snore... then it makes all the tantrums melt away!

Maybe I need to do a mini clip of sweet B on my camera, and carry it with me, so that when she is being an evil brat, I can watch it and believe!!!!

[flamesparrow]

Oh, fuzzy - B hits too. I think it is inbuilt, because although we don't hit, I know that it is in my personlity to hit and throw things when I'm in a temper, and I see myself in her soooo much!

[tastierladyhawk]

flamesparrow im not stalking you honest just saw this thread and hope i didnt extinguish that light at the end of the tunnel earlier.xxx

[happymerryberries]

To be fair dd was in a class of her own when it came to tantrums! I remember my wonderful hv saying, 'you don't have it easy do you?'

I could have hugged her, she had given me recognition that dd was hard work. In the end it got so bad that we would just take her away from the situation and let her wait it out in her bed room. Trying to 'coax' her out of it just threw petrol on the flames!

A mate of mine is a social worker. She once had to take the tantruming dd to school for me. Tantrum had been running for 40 minutes at this stage. Reason, the wrong coat for the trip into school....right coat had been left in school so would be there as soon as she arrived. I warned my mate that coaxingwouldn't work. She took no notice and tried her best, bless. She came back 30 minutes later, white in the face, admitting that as soon as dd arrived at school she switched it 'off'.

I just learned to ride it out.

For what it is worth she is delightful 99.9% now. A wonderful child, loving, funny, artistic and very bright. I'm just dreading puberty.