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Should a 3.5 year old be expected to wipe their own bum?

(52 Posts)
chipmunkswhereareyou Sat 22-Nov-08 15:10:55

I'm sure there are plenty who can but surely at this age it's fine for them to need a bit of help?

Ds's nursery have asked me to make sure he can do it. I know that we need to ensure he can before reception starts and I understand why it would be easier for nursery now and will try but he's so little - is it normal to expect a 3 year old to do their own?

twocutedarlings Sat 22-Nov-08 15:14:19

Well neither of my girls did at this age, we are just trying to get DD2 to take care of herself atm, she is just 4

Jux Sat 22-Nov-08 15:17:53

DD, now 9, has only become efficient at this in the last couple of years. 3yo! I'm amazed they expect her to at all.

mrsout Sat 22-Nov-08 15:19:44

OMG, DS is 6 and still coming home from school with it smeared up his back! Your nursery is lucky your 3 year old is even toilet trained!

chipmunkswhereareyou Sat 22-Nov-08 15:21:22

That's what I thought. And it wasn't really presented as a 'please can you encourage him to do it himself' which I think would be fine. It was more 'he needs to do his own, we can't do it for him'. And she said something along the lines of 'he got you in trouble [jokingly] and said you do it for him at home.

He's not even 3.5 yet and so I find it perfectly reasonable that I wipe his bum!

chipmunkswhereareyou Sat 22-Nov-08 15:21:45

oooh yuk Mrsout.....!

aGalChangedHerName Sat 22-Nov-08 15:29:16

My dd1 was wiping her own at 3. Nursery expected it. Can't remember the ds's <so long ago>

Pheebe Sat 22-Nov-08 15:32:16

I don't think its acceptable for nursery to say they can't help him. At 3.5 many kids don't have the dexterity to adequately wipe their own bums and its actually a health issue - sore bottoms and poo under finger nails spreading worms etc. All toileting should be supervised at the nursery stage imo. DS1 is just 4 and sometimes I do it for him, sometimes he does it himself. I had to have a word with the nursery manager because he was coming home regularly with a pooey bum and I found it totally unacceptable. I wouldn't allow it to happen at home and wasn't prepared to accept it from the nursery either. Sounds very bolshy but actually was a nice reasonable conversation and he's come home clean ever since smile

Weta Sat 22-Nov-08 18:56:57

DS1 has only just started really at age 5. He doesn't do poos at school - well he did once in his pants because he didn't want the teacher to wipe his bottom! 3.5 sounds very young to me...

tazmosis Sat 22-Nov-08 19:18:17

DD1 who is 4.5 starts school in Jan and she struggles to wipe her own bum - her arms don't seem quite long enough...! I am relieved to hear she won't be the only one.

hercules1 Sat 22-Nov-08 19:22:58

Dd did her own at nursery at this age and is just 5 and started school now. I cant see why at this age it's a big deal if they cant but they should defintely know when starting school.

whethergirl Sat 22-Nov-08 19:24:14

Had the same thing with my ds aged 3.5 who started nursery recently. I think it's a child safety issue...although I don't quite understand that as they have to change them if they wet/poo themselves. There is no way I'm going to start training my ds to start wiping his own bum - it's only fair to assume he'll make a right mess of it. But I find that he never really does a poo outside of home anyway.

gagarin Sat 22-Nov-08 19:37:03

As far as I understand it the proportion of arm length to torso length when you are a child means that you have great difficulty actually reaching your bum to wipe it - lots of dcs at 3 still have the todller-y look of short arms and legs and the leggy elongated look of an older child comes later.

Explain that to your nursery manager!

BarcodeZebra Sat 22-Nov-08 20:14:35

They seem to expect all the pre school kids to sort it out for themselves at DD's nursery too. Can't say it bothers us too much (she insists on doing most things for herself at 3.5 anyway!). Her shreddies look like the aftermath of a tractor race sometimes though....

MissisBoot Sat 22-Nov-08 20:19:59

I had this with dd's nursery the other day - her arms aren't long enough to reach properly so regularly comes home with pooey knickers. I've asked her to ask for help if she needs it and she said they told her she needs to learn for when she gets to school.

Goober Sat 22-Nov-08 20:22:04

I often do DSs he is a lazy bugger, at 9 1/2!

piratecat Sat 22-Nov-08 20:23:26

my dd is 6, i don't trust her to be thorough!!! I think 3.5 is a tad over zealous.

milkysallgone Sun 23-Nov-08 09:10:34

I've been wondering the same thing. Dd is almost 4 and I do it for her; though I think if she were to poo at nursrey (she doesn't), they would expect her to do ti herself. It's funny I remember a thread similar to this one a few months back and I seem to remember the general consensus was thay they should be doing it at this age. Just goes to show it depends who you ask!

milkysallgone Sun 23-Nov-08 09:11:18

God sorry for awful spelling!

CoteDAzur Sun 23-Nov-08 09:34:35

DD (3.2) recently took an interest in wiping herself because she is "a big girl now". She doesn't want me to do it. I think they taught her in nursery.

Then again, she doesn't poo anywhere but home, and there I clean her properly/

Leo103 Mon 31-Aug-09 19:36:04

my child has just started nursery school and has come home the past few days with a dirty bum as he cannot do it himself properly. do i have a right to request that he gets help from nursery until he if fully capable. He is 3 years and 5 months. He's been in private nursery from age 10 months and was potty trained by the time he was nearly 3 but has just joined the school nursery and they seem to expect him to do it himself. I have been trying to show him but he still needs help in order that his bottom doesn't get red and sore.

deaconblue Mon 31-Aug-09 19:59:34

goodness I hope not, ds is only just out of nappies and he's 3.4!

FlyMeToDunoon Mon 31-Aug-09 20:08:16

I am getting DD3 to practise now as she starts nursery in a couple of weeks. I think it is reasonable to at least be in the process of teaching them at this age. DD is going to be three at the end of sept.
I get her to try herself, explain that she has to wipe front to back and then check her. Make sure she washes her hands with soap etc.

zebramummy Mon 31-Aug-09 20:52:07

ds cant and i hope he has not done a poo every single nursery day - once he had done though it must have been at the end and they completely missed it while i quickly bundled him back home and breathed a sigh of relief

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Mon 31-Aug-09 20:55:25

No. DD can attempt to wipe her own bottom, but I would not expect her to do it successfully, and would not ever ask her to do it. I mean if there is no mess to clean up, so to speak, then I guess yes 'technically' she can. As in, she can do the motions. But she has not grasped the concept of what she is doing fully, ie cleaning ALL the poo away, so she would not know if and when she had finished, or master any technique.

I hope her nursery will not expect this shock. She can do a lot of things herself but thats a lot to ask.

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