Sleep help - 6month old

[Cat99]

Hi, my Ds is 6 months and I'm struggling massively with his sleep (or lack of..)
We have a co sleeping cot, he starts in this and after the first feed usually comes into the bed with me (my dh is in the spare room!). He wakes roughly every 90 mins for a breastfeed and sometimes won't settle well in between either unless he is on my chest. Obviously I can't really sleep like this. I don't want to do controlled crying or anything like that. Can anyone recommend any gentle ways I can help him sleep better? Should I try and move him now to his own cot with the side up? I'm so tired.

[lightwind]

Ouch this sounds exactly what happens with my son... and he's now 9 months.

I haven't any easy solutions just wanted to say you're not alone - I don't want to do the controlled crying thing either but I am so so so tired.

I love my baby very very much but I have decided that I'm going to have to rough it out and just say NO. Even if it makes him cry. Intend to start on Friday.

I can't go on like this because I'm beginning to dread each night. Even when I get a moment to lie down by myself I'm so anxious that I'm unable to sleep and have been feeling ill due to sheer exhaustion. Not to mention the chronic backache I've developed due to twisting around to feed him lying down every night.
Breastfeeding is fantastic - but surely its not meant to be an all night activity... and surely a baby can be taught that there are other ways of sleeping other than with Mum's breast in his mouth ? And okay so I've been a wimp so far and have been unable to handle him getting upset, so I am pretty much responsible for creating this state of affairs - but I have to start looking after myself too, else I can't look after him either.

[andlipsticktoo]

Try Dr Richard Ferber's 'How to solve your child's sleep problems' it was such a good friend to me when I was exhausted.

[BabyJoe]

I have no solutions however i am in the same position with my son of 4 months so again not alone on this one . Will be looking to purchse the Dr Richard Ferber's book recommended by 'andlipsticktoo' can't do any harm.

just a note, i did last night try leaving my son to see if he would settle himself however after 30 mins he got very upset which resulted in me having to spend even longer getting him back off to sleep

[VictorianSqualor]

It's probably one of two things, either he does not know how to get to sleep alone, or he is over-fatigued.
What is his daytime sleep like?
What is your sleep routine at bed time?

[MamaChris]

can totally sympathise! ds was exactly like this, except on 40 minute intervals. I have to say that 6 months was the peak of bad sleep times for us, so hopefully for you too. I found ds did sleep better if I managed to stay awake enough to return him to his cot after feeds. (I didn't put the cot side all the way up, but halfway up, if your cot gives you that option. Still right against our bed in case he tried crawling out, but the halfway up position gave us about 9" of "barrier" which seemed to help both of us sleep a little better).

At 9 months we've just moved him into his own room, and after a bad first night when I spent more time in his room than mine, he's been surprisingly happier there than he was cosleeping. (He still wakes every hour or two, but goes right back to sleep after each feed, which is a big improvement).

[Cat99]

Thank you everyone.

VS - his daytime sleep varies depending on what we are doing but is usually a total of 2-3 hours spread out over 2 or 3 naps. He gets up for the day at 6:30 ish and goes to bed at 8:30 ish. Does this sound like enough/too much?
We don't really have a bedtime routine as such - every other night he gets a bath, and usually a breastfeed with the lights low, then if he doesn't fall asleep on the breast my DH rocks him to sleep then puts him in his cot.

I think it could well be because he doesn't know how to go to sleep on his own - what can I do there?

Mamachris - I'll try putting the side partially up and see what happens.

lightwind/babyjoe - I hope it improves for you too soon.

andlipsticktoo - i'll look out for that book

thank you

[jeanjeannie]

Reading thread with interest. DD2 is almost 6mths and is awake every hour - almost to the minute. It's like she's stuck in a pattern and can't get herself back to sleep without a feed/nipple comfort.

She hates co-sleeping (so do I!) and I've noticed she's also a light sleeper - even a rustle of the douvet wakes her.

Sorry Cat99, no solutions - just to let you know you're not alone. I shall also be looking into Dr Ferber's book; got to the point where I'm not functioning too well and with a two year old that's not great! Reckon a bit of 'expert' help won't go amiss.

[Cat99]

Thanks, it is nice to know I'm not alone - none of my friends are having more than one waking, although none of them are co-sleeping.. I know there are lots of benefits to co-sleeping so I'm glad I did it in the early days but if that is what is causing him to wake so often it may be time for a change... Although if he wakes just as often in a cot co-sleeping would be easier on balance!

[Scifinerd]

Hi isn't the Richard ferber book the one that tells you how to do controlled crying. I am not judging its just you said in OP you didn't want to do that. I have exactly the same problem and I have just started doing the Elizabeth Pantley "No Cry Sleep Solution" book. It is meant to be great but does take time and patience.

[VictorianSqualor]

Cat99, 2-3 hours sounds about right to me.

To sort DS's sleeping out we did daytime naps first, started with introducing a nap within two hours of his waking (he wakes at about 7ish and is back in his cot by 9) spotting his sleep signals meant it was easy for him to go down without falling asleep to feed so we started doing feeds after his naps rather than before.

I'm not a fan of CC so DP and I had to talk over how long we were willing to leave him before going to him, we agreed whinging was fine but as soon as he was actually distressed rather than moaning then one or other of us would go straight up to him and calm him. We used PUPD (pick up put down) to calm him.

Every day he goes in his cot at around the same time for his nap, if he doesn't sleep then we leave him there for 'sleepy time' and most times he goes down no problem. He started sleeping without needing help in the day within a couple of days.

Then we started on the night time routine. We moved his bedtime forward about an hour as he was so tired at bedtime he would fall straight asleep feeding and not really wake much when we put him down, so we wanted to make his drowsy rather than tired at bedtime.

He was having a shower then feed and then straight to sleep at about 7pm, now he has dinner and a feed at 5pm, a shower, a small feed after his shower and is put in his cot awake.

We read a story and make him happy and comfortable in his cot then leave. The first couple of nights he cried a little, we would go to him and calm him, then place him back in bed, we also left the lamp on as turning it off made him cry.

After the first two nights we had no crying, within 4 days he was sleeping through.

IMO, he just needed to be comfortable being in his cot and getting himself to sleep, in effect he was falling asleep then waking scared and anxious in a different place, alone, with an empty stomach. Now he wakes up in the same place he goes to sleep or has his down time, plus he doesn't associate a full belly or mummy with sleep so he is happy to go back to sleep without me.