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My 5yo is socially immature... is yours? any tips

(10 Posts)
velcrobott Tue 15-Mar-05 21:05:51

My DS (5 in Dec.) is actually the oldest in Reception.
He is doing really well academically (they say) but we were told he is the most immature... I was very much taken aback as I thought he was behaving like any other.... what do you think?

They say he is ok on one-to-one but in a group of 6 he wants to decide everything and doesn't really want to (uninterested) listen to others. He sometimes on his own (his choice) and feels lonely... maybe becasue the group is rejecting him for wanting to lead it.

Any thoughts ?

stitch Tue 15-Mar-05 21:26:50

i have always been told my ds1 is immature for his age.
have been told is maybe to do with fact that he spends a lot of time with his much younger siblings.
wtf?

mrsflowerpot Tue 15-Mar-05 21:50:30

Don't really have any advice but my ds is coming up 4 and in the nursery class and we've been told much the same. He's very much a one-on-one child, both with children and adults (I put that down to being an only child) and that's never been an issue previously. He has a best friend who he wants to play with to the exclusion of others, tbh I thought that was quite normal at this age - both dh and I can remember being like that with our first best friends.

It's hard not to sound defensive, but I do think they expect an awful lot of what are still really little kids. They're just learning about how to be social and it will take them time. Is the teacher putting any strategies in place to help him learn to interact with bigger groups?

Freckle Tue 15-Mar-05 21:51:21

Eldest children often are more immature than their peers (where the peers are not the eldest in their families).

DS1 (now 11) has always been somewhat immature compared with a number of his classmates. However, things have improved as he has got older.

Your son doesn't sound immature to me. Sounds like he is a born leader. Leaders are often loners (as in comfortable with their own company as opposed to needing others around them).

Your son is very young and has plenty of time to mature. I personally wouldn't worry too much. There are far worse things he could be doing!!

velcrobott Tue 15-Mar-05 22:12:02

Thank you everyone.... I do feel they expect too much from his behaviour. He is a first born but we have talked to him and he has actually made some progress in not bossing his sister around.... we have been told to invite more friends over so that he can practice his skills of sharing/listening.
TBH when I first heard this I thought... great he is just like his mum.... told MIL who said "he is just like me!" which surprised me..... so he is like MIL and me !!!! LOL

tigermoth Wed 16-Mar-05 07:00:16

glad you feel more reassured, velcrobott. I am constantly amazed how much is expected of tiny children in their first years of school nowadays. My oldest son had a much easier time of it when he was in reception 6 years ago.(though I do remember his year 1 teacher complaining that he had no work ethic - ffs!). If a child can't have the odd socially immature moment in a reception class, the world is a very sad place. Your son's behaviour sounds absolutly normal for a 5 year old.

ScummyMummy Wed 16-Mar-05 07:46:15

Glad you feel better velcrobott. Your boy should REVEL in immaturity IMO. Totally agree with Tigermoth. I like my sons' school very much but am constantly biting my tongue at things I am told by their teachers in order not to show that I accept what I'm told as an interesting fact rather than as something positive or negative. Who on earth cares if a 5 year old has Big Writing or Can't Spell or is a Brilliant Reader? Not me. I want them to enjoy life at 5 and deveelop skills that will help them enjoy life at 15 25 35 45 etc etc etc.

velcrobott Wed 16-Mar-05 09:14:46

I had another chat this AM with his teacher and asked for more examples... he is always the first to answer (well OK he knows the answer quickly!!!) or he "must" lead a game or he isn't happy.
We have actually worked on that and she says he is actually more reasonnable now... she has seen progress!

She also wants his hearing checked as he doesn't always answer when called... hmmm..... sounds like his father....or could he be engrossed in his game ?????

Glad to hear you also feel that this isn't an alarming behaviour LOL

Freckle Wed 16-Mar-05 09:42:32

He sounds like a mixture of my two eldest. DS1 often doesn't respond when spoken too simply because he is engrossed in what he is doing (on other occasions it's simply because he doesn't want to do what I want him to!). DS2 is always keen to be the leader and isn't happy when he isn't, but (he's now 9) has learnt over the years to allow others a chance to lead.

Your son doesn't sound immature. He sounds like a normal 5yo. It would be interested to know who the teacher is comparing him to, as she is obviously using something as a yardstick. If she's an experienced teacher, she should know that all children develop at different rates and that what is immature for one child might well be deemed mature in another.

Seems like she's making a mountain out of a molehill.

velcrobott Thu 17-Mar-05 19:30:37

I like the teacher and she isn't actually being overly critical..... still thinking about it but not overly worried.....

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