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Please help! Is this sibling rivalry? (Sorry, long)

(4 Posts)
forevared Mon 03-Nov-08 12:18:06

Our bright 2.10 year old's behaviour has recently got a lot worse and I'm thinking it's because our 7 month old has recently started at DS1's nursery. Things did get bad for a while after DS2 was born but seemed to settle down. We attributed it all to sibling rivalry and tried our best to make DS1 feel loved and important. Maybe we were a bit too soft on him as things are getting a bit worse this time round.

He's lovely to his little brother, gives him hugs and kisses, is fiercely protective of him at nursery and I can honestly say we've never been concerned about his behaviour toward him. However, towards me and DH he's becoming rude, argumentative, contrary, very bossy and quite unpleasant to be around at times. He's also regressed a bit and when not being any of the above, he's clingy, always wanting to be picked up and carried around, wants undivided attention just when we're having to feed DS2, change his nappy or generally play with him.

The final thing yesterday which has made me seek all your opinions is that he poo'ed in his pants and didn't tell us (couldn't smell it) and we only discovered it at bathtime. We're doing the whole reward chart thing at the moment with regard to toileting but have been for a while so this is nothing new to him. We have had a few wee accidents both at home and at nursery but he's never done this before.

I wondered if any of you had been through this and could it be sibling rivalry? All his attitude is directed at us. We've done the naughty step, we've tried to be calm and sensible about it, we've shouted, imposed rules and boundaries which seemed to help a bit for a while. Have we missed something? Don't know if we're being too strict or too soft with him. We try to make a fuss of him at the weekend and do special things with him but it's made no difference. Obviously we can't (or won't) ignore DS2 just to save DS1's hurt feelings but both feel at the end of our tether. Are we completely wrong and this has nothing to do with DS2, it's just the timing seems right to us.

Lastly I should mention his attitude is worse towards me. He's always been a daddy's boy, but when he's rude it's usually me it's towards. Tells me to go and sit on another chair, or away from him and daddy. When I say hello to him he shouts NO! at me. There are many other instances I could mention but you get the picture.

halfaquark Mon 03-Nov-08 16:42:21

He's very little still. Do you get much time with him on his own?

lljkk Mon 03-Nov-08 16:53:09

Boys age 2.5-3yo are very hard work.
The only thing worse is, er, boys age 3-4.5yo grin.
Sibling Rivalry is when your DS2 put the baby (DS3) in front of DS1's lego, DS1 gets very cross, DS2 threatens to kick DS1 in the face, DS1 punches DS2 pro-actively (etc.)

forevared Tue 04-Nov-08 09:08:55

Not really halfaquark. They're both at nursery when I'm at work, and at weekends we're all together unless I'm working again. Because I work shifts and sometimes get days off in the week I thought I'd put DS2 into nursery on one of those days and spend it doing nice stuff with DS1. I've only just returned to work last week after my maternity leave so I'm hoping it will help.

I just feel so sad about it all and feel like my relationship with him is going down the toilet. I know it's jealousy over having to share us now with DS2 but I do wish it wasn't directed quite so much at me. Not that I'd wish this on DH either!

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