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How can I teach my 3.5 year old , more complicated manners ?

(15 Posts)
mummyloveslucy Sat 01-Nov-08 19:09:43

Hi, my 3.5 year old daughter genrelly has very good manners, she says please and thank you and when someone thanks her for somthing she says you're welcome, which is sweet. It's just that when someone says to her "I like your dress", or "haven't you got lovely hair" she either just looks at them or says "yes I know". blush
I always say thank you for her or say to her "say thank you" and she does. She looks a bit confused though as if she's thinking, what do I need to say thank you for.
How should I explain this too her in a way she'll understand?
Also when we go to someone's house she'll say "Can I have some juce, apple, bannana etc please". I'll say to her, you should'nt ask for things in someone elses house and she'll say "I said please". I don't know wether to try and teach her all these more complicated manners, or just be pleased with the ones she uses. She is very tall for her age and therefore people seem to sxpect more of her. I don't want to be too strict with her but don't want her to feel awkward when some one compliments her and she just stands there looking blank, because she dosn't know what to say. She is very eager to please and very conciderate of others, she really is a little poppet and I don't want anyone to think otherwise.

hercules1 Sat 01-Nov-08 19:11:21

I think you are expecting a lot of a 3 year old smile I would let her do them in her own time and be pleased wiht her how she is. Noone would sanely expect her to have the manners at her age you are talking about.

PortoTreasonandPlot Sat 01-Nov-08 19:16:06

They're still very egocentric at that age. If I tell my dd (nealry 5) she looks pretty in something, or that's she's clever for doing something she too says "I know". Just concentrate on the pleases and thankyous I think for now. You could say that if anyone compliments her she should give her lovely smile!

mummyloveslucy Sat 01-Nov-08 19:28:22

Thanks, smile It's good to know that it's still normal for 5 year old to say "I know". It is alot for her to understand and remember at her age, and she is doing well.
Most people understand and even think it's sweet when she answers inapropreatly.
Recently someone said to her "hello Lucy, how are you today?" she was quiet for a few seconds then said "I don't know". The person found it funny and had a bit of a giggle with us, but Lucy seemed quite sad and said "don't laugh at me". sad
She is very sensitive.

monkeymonkeymonkey Sat 01-Nov-08 19:29:20

She sounds fine smile
I think this is normal for 3 year olds, I think she is too young for the sort of social behaviour you are talking about.

mummyloveslucy Sat 01-Nov-08 19:38:05

Thanks, I'm just aware that people expect more of her as they asume she's older than she is. It's sad really.
We went to a national trust property yesterday and had a guided toor of a castle, which lasted 45 mins and was not at all interesting for Lucy. She must have been bored but she remained well behaved and quiet the whole time. There were no other children there.
When we came out, no one said "wasn't she good" etc. I think people just expect it of her.
Of corse we gave her loads of praise. smile

mummyloveslucy Sat 01-Nov-08 20:06:27

All her family are very well mannered so I think she'll just end up learning by example.

scifinerd Sat 01-Nov-08 20:09:32

I agree with all these posts, just relax. Plus isn't it lovely to hear them say I know to a compliment, that they have that confidence. Shows you are doing a good job at making her feel good about herself.

PortoTreasonandPlot Sat 01-Nov-08 20:34:02

mml - I think when they get past babyhood, people in general don't comment on GOOD behaviour, only bad. I can remember DH carrying dd round a french chateau in a sling at 4 months. They were cooing over her, and all the "isn't she good" stuff. When she got past 2 or 3 people expect them NOT to be badly behaved so they're only worty of note if they play up. THEN you get the dirty looks and the tsks.

My dd rubbed apple mousse into a chair in a posh London hotel. No-one SAID anything and it was all v professsional, but the looks I got gave me the hint that we should get the hell out of there....

mabanana Sat 01-Nov-08 20:35:58

God, I LOVE it when they say 'I know'. Wouldn't we ALL benefit from that kind of confidence? Wouldn't all our lives be better and happier? I really don't want to take that away from my daughters.

mummyloveslucy Sat 01-Nov-08 20:47:20

That's true, smile I'm glad that she is so confident. She is also very sensitive but her high self seteem is wonderful.

It's ashame most people anly look for the bad in toddlers. It's a lot harder for them than it is babys. People can be very strange. Especially older women, who have forgotten what it's like to parent a toddler.

mummyloveslucy Sat 01-Nov-08 20:52:52

porto- shame she didn't use her spoon to catapault the apple mousse in to the faces of the disaproving on lookers. grin
That way, they'd have a reason to glare.

meandmyjoe Sat 01-Nov-08 20:55:18

Oh bless her, that's so sweet! I still say 'I know' when dh pays me a compliment! It's lovely that she's saying please, thank yous etc, she sounds adorable! Well done on insisting she has manners but you really can't expect any more from a 3 year old.

mummyloveslucy Sat 01-Nov-08 21:03:28

Thanks meandmyjoe. smile I think she is adorable too, but then I would. grin
I shouldn't be that concerned about what people think, I know what a little cherub she is. I also drop in to conversation when ever possible that she's only 3.

bubblagirl Sat 01-Nov-08 21:16:23

my ds is the same in regards to the asking for things at someones house if he sees a fruit bowl he'll more than likely help himself as he does at home

i always apologise but there fine his 3.6 and as long as they have manners then the rest is ok its natural for children to be so honest such as the yes i know lol

i really wouldnt worry what others think as people are excepting to young children and they find it rather charming and funny as they are so innocent with it

you are doing a good job you have a smart polite young lady a credit to you

my ds has just got his powers of speech and asking questions that he knows the answer to but just to be cheeky to me with

such as pointing at a sqaure and asking is that a triangle mummy with a smile on his face

we were shopping with my mum and this man was coming towards us so he points right at the man and says is that daddy mummy blush

so in a loud voice no you know daddies at work lol

they are just so funny with what they come out with lol your dd sounds just fine smile

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