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HELP Needed 4 month old to fall asleep on his own

(8 Posts)
SunshineSarah Thu 10-Mar-05 14:52:19

Please help me as I’m a first time mum to a 4 month boy who is struggling to either sleep in the day and at night without using either me or the bottle to fall asleep with and I feel I’m starting to go mad and would be grateful for any suggestions of teaching the baby to fall asleep on his own.

He will not go to sleep without the bottle or me swaddling him and patting his back resting on me. And when he does fall asleep and I place him in his cot for his day time naps he only sleeps for about 40 mins. He normally goes to sleep at around 9 and I used to use the bottle to settle him to sleep and when he woke in the night but this last week I have tried to stop this as I have read that they don’t need this and if I let it continue it will become a habit and he needs to teach himself how to fall asleep on his own. Has anyone got any ideas or are there some experienced mums who let there baby feed when they woke and didn’t cause any long term issues??

Roobedoo Thu 10-Mar-05 14:57:10

Have you looked at any of the babywhisperer stuff? She is really hot on 'self soothing'. I found her books a godsend. You could look at the website, think its babywhisperer.com, as there is loads of advice on there about this issue. Good luck! I made the mistake of using a dummy and although it was great for some situations, ds would wake in the night and complain if he couldn't find it, but after a while of letting him whimper for 5 mins or so, he now sleeps wonderfully.

SunshineSarah Thu 10-Mar-05 15:05:43

Thanks for your quick response yes I've read all the books and her new one is great too but I still seem so mixed up with what I should be doing to help him go back to sleep.

laneydaye Thu 10-Mar-05 19:13:54

sunshinesarah check out the threads on SLEEP theres some really interesting stuff that may really help you....xxxx
Got the same prob... my dd is 4.2 and feeds every 2-3 hrs through the night.....

sct Fri 11-Mar-05 14:25:18

my DS is 6 months and still waking for bf 3 or 4 times a night...and hes only slept 4 20 mins since 6.30 this morning....and is currently trying to eat th elaptop. im knackered heyho. ds #1 now 7years was exactly the same...tried everything he was 2 before he slept through reliably - but he sleeps 12 hours a night now ;-) ive decided to stop beating myself up about it- i reckon some babies are just better sleepers and theres not a damn thing you can do about it.

flic23 Fri 11-Mar-05 16:15:24

i was really lucky in that he was always a good sleeper he learnt to fallasleep on his own by accident. 3 am fed kinda sleepy hought i need sleep so went to bed he cried a couple of times and slept. When he was about 4 months though he started being hard to settle in evenings he would just cry for no reason. DP told me to let him cry and although it broke my heart first night he was asleep in 20 minutes an i only happened for a week and he has never called me in the night to this day and he is 14 months now

Amberlilli Fri 11-Mar-05 16:39:39

My advice from experience would be to always put baby down awake.
I once read that if you were to imagine falling asleep in one place then waking up in another you would panic, if you didn't know where you were-so imagine how baby feels.
If baby falls asleep in his bed then wakes up and recognizes where he is he won't be so distressed.
If you are confident that baby isn't waking up because he's hungry- 4 months is weaning time as far as I remember-
Put baby down awake always and then let them cry themselves to sleep-which is heart breaking, I know because I've done it with both mine.
I think the controlled method of crying is to go into them first after 10 mins, then 15 mins, then 20 mins then subsequently longer periods.
If at this young age you can train them to fall asleep alone you hopefully (both of you) will be having a good nights sleep, until of course it's time for teething!!

MazArnold Sat 12-Mar-05 17:09:33

I agree with Amberlilli - in putting baby to sleep.

I too have read the Baby Whisperer stuff and am adapting her sugegstions as I can't bring myself to do some of her methods. Another book (The no cry sleep soltuion by Elizabeth Pantley) is also good. She uses the same ideas but is more "kinder" to baby and her book explains the process better. I learn't more from her book, but at times I felt that she'd done some of her research from the baby whisperer, and adapted it. She also used 60 test mummies who verified that her processes worked, so it's worth a read.

EG. I was one who thought you should leave a baby up longer to help them sleep but this book says not so I put her down at 7.00 and hey presto - I have my evenings back! Still working on the later part of the night but getting there. She's not awake constantly - more of a fussy sleeper now.

Although I don't want my DD to cry, I also recognise her "protest" cries now and I won't give in to her. She doesn't "mistrust" me as as result of this as Tracy Hogg suggests can happen. Sometimes when you know nothing is wrong, you just have to let them cry for a while, but keep going into them to let them know you are around still.

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