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DP going away for a week - Will this affect 4mo dd??

(13 Posts)
lauraloola Fri 24-Oct-08 22:07:12

Dp is away with work for a week next week, back for a week and then away for a week.

Will our 4mo dd notice? Im sure she will rememeber him but am worried she will 'shy' around him when he returns. Dd is quite clingy to us and will only go to someone new after about 10 minutes of 'watching' them!

Anyone had any experience of this? How was your dc on their return?

Mij Fri 24-Oct-08 22:12:05

DD hadn't really 'accepted' DP at 4 months. She was happy in the sling with him but if I was within sight she always wanted me.

However, he did (and still does) have to go away quite often, and I used to stick a smiling, black and white life-size photo of his face over her changing mat when he was away, and he would also send goodnight video messages on his phone. She was transfixed by both.

Even when she was older we'd look at pictures of him regularly. Also really helped to fix relatives she didn't see very often, and was a massive help when we had to take a month away from the childminder she'd only just settled in with - the CM took lots of photos of the house, family and other kids, and she went straight back to them without complaint.

Worth a shot, I'd say!

lauraloola Fri 24-Oct-08 22:14:28

Thats a really good idea Mij, thanks.

Ebb Fri 24-Oct-08 22:48:27

Glad I'm not the only one with a clingy baby! My Ds is 5months and cries if held by anyone else but Dp and me. He's getting a bit better with the Grandparents now.....

My Dp travels a fair bit for work. He's away for a week back 4 days then away for another week and hasn't long been back from another job. I think Ds misses him and he always seems pleased to see him when he gets back but he does make Dp 'work' for a smile! I'm sure your DD will be fine. smile

Flibbertyjibbet Fri 24-Oct-08 23:07:19

This thread reminded me. When ds1 was 5m old, dp worked away for a week staying at his mothers which was close to the job.
We had a great time Mon-Thurs nights me and my baby sleeping in the double bed (didn't usually co-sleep), getting up when we felt like it, just being able to go to bed when I felt like it to fit round feeds better.
We had a great time.

Baby was fine with dp when he got home, I don't think he noticed his dad had been away!

Dp on the other hand after 5 days without his 'little man'...

lauraloola Sat 25-Oct-08 13:13:59

Ebb - Dd is getting funny about being left in a room on her own now! Im hoping its just a phase!

Im hoping she wont notice. She only sees him for a few hours a night.

I am looking forward to having a tidy house for a week smile

Mij Sat 25-Oct-08 14:41:34

I think it's easier before you get into routine/ritual land too - and you might still be in the go-with-the-flow phase - cos my DD really started to miss DP when he was absent from something he always did (like bathtime).

Lol at the tidy house - I still use DP's absences as an excuse to let things go, exactly the opposite to you! And to allow us both a couple of extra trips to the park cafe wink

lauraloola Sat 25-Oct-08 19:14:21

I cant wait!! Tomorrow evening when he goes I am going to blitz the house and I know that when I wake up on Monday it will be the same - Bliss!!

I am going to get some Ben and Jerrys in! He only allows me a pudding once a week coz I moan about my weight so much!!

Yey!! I wont want him to come home smile

pamelat Sat 25-Oct-08 19:19:32

I think that 4 months is a bit young for her to notice?

I left my 5 month old for 2 nights and she was fine until I got back and was then clingy for a week or so, wouldn't let me out of her sight.

I don't think that I did any long term damage though wink

LittleMonkeysMummy Sat 25-Oct-08 19:34:38

My DH works offshore in Brazil so is usually away for 4/5 weeks then home for 3. Our DD is 8m and she has never had any problems readjusting when Daddy comes home. In fact when he came home from his first trip after she arrived her face actually lit up when she saw him at the airport. She now loves going there and people watching!! She's going to be a curtain twitcher when she's older!! grin

LadyGlencoraPalliser Sat 25-Oct-08 20:35:14

I worked away one week out of four from when DD1 was 5 months to when she was 18 months. She really didn't notice when she was little. I changed jobs when she was 18 months because it was only then that she started to mind me going away. And I was her primary carer. I don't think your DH going away for a week should affect your DD, it is the quality of interaction when they are together that is more important.

cory Sun 26-Oct-08 09:37:48

She may notice or she many not- but your dh just has to tough it out if she does go shy. It won't last long and won't do any lasting damage to their relationship, unless your dh is an abnormally sensitive plant.

Dh and I have both been away from dc's for one or more weeks at varying stages of their babyhood (though me never more than a week)- sometimes they were delighted to see the returning parent, sometimes they were a bit stand-offish; hasn't done us any harm in the long run.

domesticslattern Sun 26-Oct-08 10:17:19

My DD was very unsettled when my DH went away for a few days at this age. She woke a lot in the night and I ended up feeding her all the time. To be honest, she may have picked up my dreading it and finding it tough, rather than particularly responding to the absence of DH.

As pamelat says, there will be something about the return. DD wept loudly when she saw him again, which was incredible unusual as she really loves DH. Then I went out for the evening in a "I've earned it!" way, and she was apparently inconsolable. I think it would have been much better if we had been less noisy and joyful and in-your-face about his return, and expected her to be clingy to both of us for a day or two after.

Enjoy your ice cream!

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