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Ds aged 8 ,- do all boys this age wander about in dream state, forget things - it is really getting me down !

(23 Posts)
CaptainUnderpants Thu 23-Oct-08 20:47:26

Ds aged 8 , in Yr3 .

this week he has left two water bottles at school, cant remeber wher he left them!

Left a jumper at school finally found it after a week .

fails to give teachers correspondenc ( i.e permission slips etc )

fails to give me messages - a before school club was cancelled , teacher told all calss , my Ds was only one that turned up and then remebered he was told day before !

Half of his PE kit mssing out of his bag today , left/lost at school.

He is in a bloody daydream , his spellings he learns all week at home , even though I sit with him and help him by the end of the week he still hasn't grasped it but when truely concentrates gets it !

has been dropped from the A football team because he is such a faffeer at training and doesn't concentrate.

Is it his hormones , is this normal ? am I abnormal to expect a bit more of him ?

In all seriuousness it is starting to get me down as he is the complete opposite of me at the moment.

How can I help him besides pouring gallons of fish oil down him ???

CaptainUnderpants Fri 24-Oct-08 07:12:48

Anyone ? or is it just me feeling like this ?

PsychoAxeMurdererMum Fri 24-Oct-08 07:27:12

I have a boy like this.

and husband toohmm

am thinking it is part boy thing/part just dreamy personality.

TBF, my 12yo girl is also a little like this.....hers is definately hormones!

Troutpout Fri 24-Oct-08 07:33:15

Has he had problems with concentration in the past? has this always been an issue?Could it be his hearing? how is his organisation in general? Can he organise stuff if it is important to him?

CaptainUnderpants Fri 24-Oct-08 08:00:23

I dont think it is his hearing , he is just careless .

Yes he does forget things that are important to him , e.g birthdat party invites - went to school with them the other week to give out , came home with all of them ! I gave them out to his friends !

I noticed more toawrds the end of the summer term and during school holudays when you ask him to do something and he forgets .

I was just wondering whther due to development / hormones this forgetfulness / daydreaming becames more apparent .

I have to into school with him this morning to look for all his lost property.

CaptainUnderpants Fri 24-Oct-08 08:09:54

I really am losing my patience with him , which I know I shouldn't. I need ways to help him and me get through this stage .

SaffySpook Fri 24-Oct-08 08:21:39

I was going to write a thread like this Ds2 is 9 and started a new school in September. I went to his parent's evening on Wednesday and was told 'they can't wake him up'blush

However after looking at his results; he was at the top stage, she said it didn't matter and obviously how he is.

Then yesterday after me continually nagging him to make sure he had everything, I found he had left his homework.

I'm torn between wanting him to suffer the consequences of his carelessness and trying to help him.

I have restarted the fish oils.

potoftea Fri 24-Oct-08 08:22:28

I don't think it's all boys, but it is a lot of them.
My ds was in a club with a friend's son, and I never knew when they had outings, had to bring stuff in etc., only that my friend would phone and tell me. Her son was alert and remembered stuff, whilst mine never even heard it. grin

He is a lot better now (he is 16), but still disorganised about school work and has sheets of paper all over the place as he forgets his copies for his subjects regularly.

I did for a long time, have to say "have you any notes or any messages for me" when he came out of school.
Also as he started to use his mobile it was better as he could text me with a message as soon as he got the information, and before he forgot.
But in general it was just keeping after him and chasing up his stuff as much as possible. I'm a very organised person, and cannot understand how someone can live in chaos.

cory Fri 24-Oct-08 08:52:40

Yeah, sounds familiar. His teacher told me at Parents Evening that there are children who are even slower than ds at getting dressed after PE. I muttered that I didn't particularly want to meet them...

Marina Fri 24-Oct-08 08:56:10

This sounds familiar. Ds is like this - not on quite such a heroic scale, but his uniform is scattered all over SE London in people's homes and cars, he left a book in Edinburgh and another in France, his watch is AWOL (and that did make me angry)
Fish oils do seem to be helping. At least he now mostly remembers where he forgot his possessions...

LilRedWGoreandguts Fri 24-Oct-08 08:57:44

My 11 year old nephew is just like this, he drives my sister potty. No advice I'm afraid.

coochybottom Fri 24-Oct-08 12:11:13

Oh I sooo know what you mean! My DS is 15 now and is no better. Like you say, he is the total opposite of me which I think adds to my frustration. However, I can see similarities to my DH but even he isnt as bad as my son. As he is in his last year for GCSE I have been concerned about his school work as he leaves it to the last minute.He handed me a letter about a school trip yesterday which was dated in September as he needed the money for the deadline today!He too loses things and his school papers are all in a mess. It doesnt seem to bother him thou. I would like to be more laid back but even the teachers have said he is too laid back verging on horizontal. We are going to attempt to keep him in this weekend[easier said than done at 15] to get himself sorted. hmm

jellybelly25 Fri 24-Oct-08 12:23:14

My daughter (yr4) is just like this. I put a thread on last year about her and got an overwhelming response from people with kids just like her!

I sent her in one morning with a form and cheque for after school netball club. On the day of the first session, the secretary called me at normal hometime to ask me to come and get her because her name wasn't on the list and she didn't want to go anyway. I was miles away so I couldn't, so she went, and loved it. The form and cheque had been in her bag for a week and a half! I now get her to empty her bag every day when she comes in (when I remember - I'm not much better than her really). We usually turn up to the wrong location for various activities, because she wasn't listening at the end of the last session when they told her where to go. She's going on Brownie camp on Monday - I don't know where because she's lost the letter and I've had an email from Brown Owl to ask where her health form is. What health form?!

You see, we think it is a basic brain function to remember that we need shoes when we leave the house, that PE kit goes back in PE bag after PE, and that jumpers should be worn when you leave the classroom (she's lost two NEW ones already since the beginning of the term - I FOUND THE SECOND ONE ON HER OWN BLOODY PEG when I went in to look for it myself) but to them these things require serious concentration and are waaay down on the list of priorities - creating a parallel universe consisting of various characters from Doctor Who and acting it out in your room in the nude is far more important than washing and putting your pajamas on, for example.

I have learnt not to expect so much, to think it is totally reasonable that at least one thing is forgotten on Thursdays (she has to take violin stuff, swimming stuff and all normal school stuff) and to try not to be too surprised when I find her PE shorts in her little sister's toybox and discover that she has been wearing someone else's shorts for the last three weeks.

Someone said small steps to me - i.e. she takes on a teeny bit more responsibility every so often - eg after about a year of doing it repeatedly she now knows that getting her school things ready the night before includes ALL clothes, not just a random smattering, water bottle and tuck, but I have to remind her about whatever else she needs for that particular day eg book, violin, homework etc. Whether we actually take it all with us in the morning or not is another matter.

If I am around and can take forgotten things in, I sometimes do. If I'm not, I don't and she has to deal with the consequences.

Sorry this has got really long! Am trying to demonstrate that it's not just your DS!

My advice is: 1) Empty bag at end of school 2)Get everything ready and by front door the night before 3)Give only small bits of responsibility but make sure they totally own them.

singersgirl Fri 24-Oct-08 12:31:43

My boys are both the same. They have lost a water bottle each this half term ( and they're named, so I've no idea where they are now) and regularly forget to give things in/bring things home. Every fortnight or so DS2 comes out from school clutching 3 sweatshirts (his entire stock), a fleece, a fold-up raincoat and the coat he wore to school that morning.

idobelieveinghosts Fri 24-Oct-08 12:43:35

I have twin boys in year 3....one of them is like this..the other one isn't. It's been like this since birth. I am hoping that one day his brain will connect up to the rest of him and we can stop with all the.....

Me:Luke can you put your shoes away please?smile
Me: Luke
Me: LUKE!
Luke:eh?
Me: Can you put your shoes away please?
Luke: where?
Me: they are their Luke {me pointing}
Luke:where?
Me: there right in front of you!
Luke:...oh...what shall i do with them?
Me: Put them away in the shoe place like you do everyday yes?
Luke:..oh..ok..{off he trots in a snail like pace}

Me: Can you put your school bag away now Luke please smile
Me: luke!
Me:LUKE
Me: eh?

..and it goes on...

It's not his hearing...it is a trance...and i have to say when 'treat', 'birthday' or 'christmas' is metioned we do get slightly quicker responses.

He drives other twin mad!

smile...you are not alone!

Me:Can you pu

idobelieveinghosts Fri 24-Oct-08 12:44:17

ops.....ignore last line....

honeyapple Fri 24-Oct-08 12:52:43

hiya- just to add that my DS1 is exactly like this (he is in year 5) but has been like this since year 3- perhaps when he started getting more responsibility from school ie with letters/homework etc. I try to remind him of the thing he needs to do as he is leaving for school, and then ask him to repeat back to me what he has to do. We often say-
"right you have 3 things to remember today-
1. To hand your homework in
2. To hand this slip in to your teacher
3. To bring home your PE kit" or whatever...

Hoping it will get better hmm. Does make me exceedingly exasperated though. I think maybe it is a mild form of Attention Deficit?
<honeyapple goes off to google...>

jellybelly25 Fri 24-Oct-08 13:25:47

Laughing at singersgirl's boy with all the coats and sweaters - so so familiar....

Moosmummie Fri 24-Oct-08 20:07:31

Have you kidnapped my son?! Seriously - my Ds is 9 and you just described him!

One day he brought home six lunchboxes / bags he had previously left at school - he has lost about 8 school jumpers (I make him pay for them out of his pocket money - and I don't think he's had any since he was five).

Oh and please don't even go there if there's a screen on in the room! He will stare past me at anything even an excel spreadsheet! I spent all summer holidays asking him if his school shoes fitted him and he kept telling me yes, he spent 20 mins on the first day of school cleaning them - put them on and told me they were too small!

He came home on Monday to tell me he had to have a fully assembled land yacht to take to school the next day. Apparently everyone else had a letter the week before - I never ever get letters!

So no your son is not alone and no you are not abnormal for expecting more - sadly I could write a smimilar amount of stories about my OH tho - so don't hold your breath! LOL

jellybelly25 Fri 24-Oct-08 21:18:37

I also take jumper money out of pocket money, is that evil? i am so fed up with losing jumpers,=!

carocaro Fri 24-Oct-08 21:40:45

Justy undo the velcro and they are easier to get off

what?

the velcro, undo it,

I can't get my shoes off!

Here undo the velcro (I show him with one shoe)

He persists in trying to wrench off his shoe

UNDO THE VELCRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What??

Arrrrghhhhhhhhhh!

I know just what you mean. DS1 in year 2.

coochybottom Fri 24-Oct-08 22:00:23

I agree if they are old enough they should contribute towards the replacement of lost items.

CaptainUnderpants Sat 25-Oct-08 08:08:58

thank you all ! grin

I feel alot better - perhaps his brain will get some recharging over half term !

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