Talk

Flip

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

2 years old am hitting - am I dealing with this in the right way?

11 replies

TheProvincialLady · 17/10/2008 13:48

My DS is 2.1 and over the last couple of months has started pushing, hitting and grabbing the hair of other children - quite viciously sometimes. It is really upsetting me as he is the most likeable little boy with adults, but other children are starting to give him a wide berth.

So what I have been doing is saying a firm NO, asking him to apologise to the child and then taking him away for a minute or so (with me) to explain about how other children won't want to play with him if he does it etc. I have been increasingly hovering over him as I never know when he is going to hit someone - size is no object to my DS! I intervene when he goes to snatch a toy from the other child because often this is when he will start hitting, and explain that we don't snatch toys, etc. Sometimes though the other children aren't bothered by him taking something and then I wonder whether I have done the right thing.

Does this sound like a reasonable thing to do? I feel so badly for the other children and wish DS would stop but at the same time I know he has had a lot to deal with lately (I am 7m pregnant and have been quite ill recently so not much energy) and he is a lovely little boy 95% of the time. I also know it is all normal - but he seems to do it more than other children. Amy advice welcome

OP posts:

Report

RedOnHerBeheadedHead · 17/10/2008 14:14

he's probably not doing it more than other children, but because he is yours, you notice it more. It's awful when your child goes through this, but he will grow out of it. In the meantime though, I think you are dealing with it very well. I used the make my DS apologise and take him away from play for a few minutes and this worked. Hope it gets better for you and good luck with the new baby when he/she arrives!

Report

MrsMattie · 17/10/2008 14:16

Loads of children go through this stage. You're not alone!

Say 'No Biting/Hitting' etc firmly and take him out of the situation for a breather. Does he really understand 'sorry'? If he doesn't, I wouldn't bother with making him apologise at this young age.

Report

TheProvincialLady · 17/10/2008 14:21

I think he does understand sorry a bit because if he has hit a child and they are crying, he will look distressed and say sorry repeatedly.

I do hope it is just that I am noticing more because DS is my PFB!

Do you think I need to hover as much as I do? What about the constant intervening? I sometimes wonder if I am just nagging at him all the time and making him feel different?

Thanks for the reassurance!

OP posts:

Report

Katerina75 · 17/10/2008 14:25

My ds went through a stage where he seemed to hit more than other children and I did the same as you.

On one occasion at soft play I gave him a warning that I'd take him home if he did it again and when he did I marched out with him screaming under my arm - not my finest moment BUT he has not done it since (that was about two months ago, he's 2.4 now).

Whenever we pass that particular soft play he says "ds was naughty" (not a word I usually use) and "we had to go home" so I guess it made an impression.

Report

BlueberryPancake · 17/10/2008 14:26

It is important to pay attention to the otherchild, the one that was hit. Make sure they are ok, and give them lots of attention. Then go to your son. He might feel that he is getting attention if he hits. Also, really praise him loads if he doesn't hit, if he shares, if he asks nicely for a toy. We tend to be very negative sometimes and say 'no' too often. Teach him how to ask for a toy, or how to wait is turn (it's difficult!) For example, I have two sons who are 18 months apart, and we have a rule that if the oldest one wants a toy that the younger one is playing with, they can 'swap', not 'snatch', nicely. It works better then saying just NO and giving him no alternative.

Report

Katerina75 · 17/10/2008 14:28

I agree with the giving lots of positive attention when things are going well...it will also give a purpose to your hovering!

Report

mammyofET · 17/10/2008 15:12

You are not alone in this. My DS went through this a month or so ago when it became constant. It is a phase and it will pass.

I just reinforced 'No that is not nice' and took him away from the situation. He used to get worse when tired or hungry.

Report

TheProvincialLady · 17/10/2008 15:34

MammyofET my DS is the same - worse when tired or hungry. I don't think he has control over himself then so I have just taken him home if I can.

Katerina75 funnily enough I did warn DS today that we would leave playgroup if he hit or pushed again - and we did leave. I don't think he was bothered though unfortunately

I see what you mean about positive attention and giving attention to the other child (must admit I find this hard when the other mother is glaring at me though..)

OP posts:

Report

mppaw · 17/10/2008 15:51

I think sorry might be wasted at this age as neither child probably fully understand the meaning.
Agree with blueberrypancake, perhaps give your attention to the child that is hurt first, then focus on your DS. Plus the mum might appreciate this aswell.

The hitting (Want for a better word) got so bad in our group by 1 particular child, that the other children avoid him.
One mum has stopped coming as both her LO's are targeted by him and the mum does nothing about it, apart from making him give them a kiss !!

Report

Sunshinemummy · 17/10/2008 15:56

My 2.7 year old DS is going through this at the moment. He has an 8 week old sister so we've been putting it down to him realising that she's here to stay, as he's been great until the last week. I've been pulled up twice this week by nursery staff about it and he's also hit me and his daddy. It's really hard isn't i?. My DS is normally a lovely child and very popular with both staff and children. We've been naughty stepping him when he's done it at home, but also trying to talk to him about it in a calm manner and also giving him more attention away from DD.

Report

TheProvincialLady · 17/10/2008 16:19

mppaw do you not think that getting into the habit of sorry is a good thing anyway? I asked my DS to parrot 'thank you' and 'please' before he understood them and just thought it was a good thing. I am worried about DS becoming the child that you are describing (but I am sure I am just over reacting).

Will try and pay more attention to the other child before saying anything to DS. I suppose I have been worried about DS forgetting about the hitting before I get to the bit where I tell him off!