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DS, nearly 3, is painfully negative - how do I deal with it?

(15 Posts)
OlderNotWiser Thu 16-Oct-08 19:39:41

Apologies to anyone who is thinking 'Blimey, not her again!'Im having a bit of an interesting phase with DS1 and really not enjoying it so have posted a bit lately!

So, latest question for any kind and patient souls out there...finding DS's negativity pretty hard going just now and wondered how best to handle it. It starts as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning ie 'Dont want mummy to get me up, want daddy' if I go in, vice versa if DP does in. Followed all day by dont want to get dressed, dont want to eat/drink/come downstairs/be looked at/not be looked at....dont want to go out/stay in/go in the car/walk, dont want you on the same pavement as me/to bring baby/to wear that coat....Im sure you get the picture!

Im patient on the whole, he clearly isnt a happy lad at the mo, and I know its just a phase (tho its been a while) and really I just wanted to know if anyone has had a similar phase they found a way to deal with without cracking up at some point. Is it just a 3 year old thing...? TIA!

blithedance Thu 16-Oct-08 19:51:33

It must be a phase, I think we are in a similar one. (DS is 3.2). That and the constant cries of either "ALL ON MY OOOOOWN" or "YOUUUU DO IT MUMMY!"

Can you try and make a joke out of the situation and get him to laugh?(Like doing panto style Oh no you don't/Oh yes I do).

(scrapes the barrel)

Really we should just swap kids as DS is a compliant angel for everyone else and probably yours is too grin. I take it as a compliment that he feels secure enough to test the relationship!

OlderNotWiser Thu 16-Oct-08 19:58:08

Ohhh can we swap, can we?? (followed by feels guilty emoticon!)But yes, those phrases ring true here too BD...sadly he's past laughing at the mo, tho will persevere.

Good point about feeling secure and testing ...will repeat this mantra-style tomorrow!

Thanks for your reply, hope your phase passes quickly too.

LittleMyDancingWithTheDevil Thu 16-Oct-08 20:02:17

DS is only 2.5 but we have this all the time too (he must be very advanced wink)

He can have a meltdown over which spoon to eat breakfast with, and whichever one I selected is ALL WRONG.

Tis wearing.

FlabbyTumSquashyBum Thu 16-Oct-08 20:11:20

I've got one of those too! My ds (2.11) is very negative a lot of the time, moreso since dd (12 wks) was born. Everyday I vow that we'll have some fun together but it doesn't often work out that way.

At the moment his favourite phrases are
'I want that I don't want that one!!'
'I don't liiike it'
'Go away, don't want you'

He threw his dinner all over the room today when he decided that he didn't want what he'd asked for after all.

I hate the fact that he doesn't seem happy and end up blaming myself. I hope it is just a phase.

mabanana Thu 16-Oct-08 20:25:34

It's so normal. It's not being negative, it's about realising you are different to your mummy, can have different ideas and choices, and really exploring this, and the power it gives you, to the max! It's really an important part of development - learning about making choices, being your own person etc. Ideas to make it in where it doesn't do anyone any harm, just walking away and saying 'ok' when you are very annoyed, agreeing to any rubbish ('The sky is not BLUE it is RED' 'yes, dear') to avoid the most ridiculous arguments, give them lots of exercise and plenty of food and really picking your battles generally. ie if they don't want dinner, they don't have to eat it, but the only alternative is bread and butter and an apple.
I always think the Lou and Andy sketch in Little Britain is just like parenting a two year old grin 'Want that one....don't like it'

GivePeasAChance Thu 16-Oct-08 20:29:31

So right mabanana. Don't overanalyse. It's nothing personal, just a thing they do - a very wearing, annoying, fruitless thing at that ! Good luck !

Furball Thu 16-Oct-08 20:36:33

can I just say, yes it is a phase and yes they do pop out the otherside. ds was exactly like that, whatever you did it was wrong, awful, awful times thankfully now aged 7 forgotten. Dh and I giggle more than anyone at Lou and Andy cos life used to be just like that. aaaaarrrrgggghhhh. Honest it won't be long before you realise they haven't done it for a few days and it gets longer and longer inbetween smile

FlabbyTumSquashyBum Thu 16-Oct-08 20:52:55

My parents always liken ds to Andy Pipkin! Glad to hear it's a normal part of growing up.

ActingNormal Fri 17-Oct-08 00:17:11

I think it is children's way of trying to have some control over their life and what happens to them. They feel like adults have all the power. You could try giving him little choices eg would you like to wear this pair of trousers or this pair, would you like to take this toy out with you or this one, would you like the orange plate or the blue one? Anything that makes him feel like he has a bit of control.

brimfull Fri 17-Oct-08 00:24:44

my friends ds is like this
he is 6 though
very very wearing
he disagrees with everything
I think it is his personality though and not a phase,been like it for yrs

ginseng Sun 19-Oct-08 07:48:48

oh i am so relieved to see this post!! i could have written it! i have a 3 year old who is the same, i was worried if something were wrong, but it co-incides with starting pre school and when i chatted to the teacher, she said he copies the other children a lot and it makes sense as he is saying things that i didnt know he knew too. He is really negative and seems to have lost his excitement for things a bit, i hope that this phase goes soon!!

so you are not alone!!


NorbertDentressangle Sun 19-Oct-08 07:57:41

I was going to suggest letting him make some decisions too.

eg. "Do you want Shreddies or Weetabix for breakfast?"

If hes being asked what he'd like to do rather than being told he might respond differently.

FlabbyTumSquashyBum Sun 19-Oct-08 10:25:23

I'm big on giving ds choices but it doesn't seem to help.

Me: Would you like water or milk?
Ds: Milk please
(^get the milk out of the fridge and pour him a glass^)
Ds: No I don't want milk I want water!
Me: Ok, let's get you some water then
Ds: No I don't want water I want pineapple juice!

Testing boundaries methinks!

OlderNotWiser Sun 19-Oct-08 12:12:53

Ah yes FTSB...I give choices too and have exactly the same response....we have matching boys!

I was even told to 'Get off my grass, mine, mine!' when walking with him across a large field the other day...not sure which bit was his, nor was he, but I was surely on it!!

But thanks for all the comments, clearly it is not uncommon so I will carry on smiling through gritted teeth at him in the meantime!

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